so much LJ, so little time
well my first quarter of college is coming to a close, there's a lot of mixed feelings and probably lower grades than i expected, but oh well, it's just my future, i don't need to worry
my next, and final, umm, final is today in like 9 and one half hours and i'll be glad it's over, the feeling of having absolutely nothing to do for the next couple weeks is gonna come sweeping over me and it's going to be delicious, this quarter was good, i can't say much has changed though, even though comparing what my life is like now to what my life was like in high school are really different, i just feel a lot more the consistent between this year and last year than between any other couple of years, i guess i'm plateau-ing out in terms of growing up, which i guess is a good thing, i'm coming into my own, not just reaching for the person that i want to be, but actually starting to be me, own myself, be comfortable with who i am a lot more than before, so hooooo-ray for that
this quarter has brought about challenges though, it wouldn't be life without challenges and frankly life would suck without challenges, but none of them are too hard to handle, most of them have been internal struggles, you know, man vs. nature, man vs. himself, that type of thing, man vs. morals, you get the picture, the main thing i've noticed is that i've been alone a lot more, which scares the shit out of a lot of people, but it's actually worked out for the best for me, it was nice to meet walker's and love's friends at UC and i almost wish i had some of my own college friends, but not really, most of the people in my classes pretty much suck, just being honest, i don't need friends just to not be lonely, that ain't me, if i want someone to be my friend, i want them to be my friend cause i think they rock hardcore, so am i disappointed that i really haven't met anyone?, no, am i glad at the prospect of becoming better friends with walker's and love's friends?, yes, do you consider me a lazy ass for not doing any of the brunt work in making the friends, but just taking part in the good times?, probably, but oh well
i guess a lot of people think their friends need a "woman" (don't ask me why i put woman in quotations) or they "need to get laid" (haha, i find that funny, how does sex with some random girl make someone feel better other than just physically?) i guess girls are the wonder drug for all of us guys' problems, stressed out? get a woman, busy day at work? get a woman, got bad grades? get a woman, getting too nervous and up-tight? drink a lot..........then get a woman, somehow this doesn't seem like we give women enough credit, you could insert "smoke a cigarette" for any of those answers and it would work the same, but i guess it's just me, me and my celibate-type tendencies, i did realize that i can be more out-going than i used to think, that's a plus, i can hold my own with someone i just met and not end up sounding like a complete idiot, and i feel more comfortable with new people too, i guess i don't really need to impress anyone anymore, that's what i thought i used to have to do cause people couldn't just like me for me, but now i can just act like myself, take or leave it, i like that feeling, no expectations, don't like me? well, too bad, you're missing out, but i bet there's like 9 million other people who might like me, same with girls, there are a million hot girls out there, it's the one with the best personality that's gonna win me over, so i could date some girl, have some fun, but if it doesn't work out, ok, oh well, i'll keep having a good time until i find the girl that best fits me, so that's encouraging
i think the main thing i've learned is that you can't think too much, you have to act more to truly get what you want and you can't be concerned with little things that you said or did because ultimately if someone likes you or is interested in you, they are not gonna care about one little thing because in the grand scheme of things it means nothing, they enjoy you for you and are able to cut you a little (and depending upon how much they like you, a ton) of slack, you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be yourself, cause your imperfections are what make you desirable and lovable, how is that for a quote? huh? huh?
*note- there was this girl in my psych class who pretty much just looked like your standard party girl, but she had the most amazing hair and eyes i've ever seen, her eyes were so dark, it was almost like a complete black circle, like wes borland's contacts, but smaller and less limp bizkity, most people put so much emphasis on color in people's irises, like indigo blue or whatever, but these eyes, whew, amazing, they were so unique and so damn sexy, but of course i didn't even say anything, it's alright, i'll see her some other time and walk up and be like "baby, i wanna get lost in your beautiful black eyes" and then walk away
which reminds me, i saw that reading (the school, not the action) girl that was at the cincinnatus thing that i flirted with and i totally forgot her name, otherwise i would've talked to her, it was the first time i saw her since then, it was nice, it made me feel good inside, just to see her
well, i guess that's it, peace
C-funk OUT!!
P.S. that whole alrosa villa damageplan concert shooting thing really freaked me out, i was just up there and to know that someone got killed there a couple weeks after i was up there was really disturbing and depressing, i almost cried when i heard dimebag was killed, just invisioning it, it was so horrible, so first we lose layne staley and now dimebag, two reunions of two amazing bands will never come to light, it seriously makes me wanna cry
R.I.P. dimebag and all of the others that died that night
P.P.S. i hope no one takes this as a stereotype of all heavy metal fans because a lot of us are very respectable, loving human beings and for someone to do that is just incomprehensible
my next, and final, umm, final is today in like 9 and one half hours and i'll be glad it's over, the feeling of having absolutely nothing to do for the next couple weeks is gonna come sweeping over me and it's going to be delicious, this quarter was good, i can't say much has changed though, even though comparing what my life is like now to what my life was like in high school are really different, i just feel a lot more the consistent between this year and last year than between any other couple of years, i guess i'm plateau-ing out in terms of growing up, which i guess is a good thing, i'm coming into my own, not just reaching for the person that i want to be, but actually starting to be me, own myself, be comfortable with who i am a lot more than before, so hooooo-ray for that
this quarter has brought about challenges though, it wouldn't be life without challenges and frankly life would suck without challenges, but none of them are too hard to handle, most of them have been internal struggles, you know, man vs. nature, man vs. himself, that type of thing, man vs. morals, you get the picture, the main thing i've noticed is that i've been alone a lot more, which scares the shit out of a lot of people, but it's actually worked out for the best for me, it was nice to meet walker's and love's friends at UC and i almost wish i had some of my own college friends, but not really, most of the people in my classes pretty much suck, just being honest, i don't need friends just to not be lonely, that ain't me, if i want someone to be my friend, i want them to be my friend cause i think they rock hardcore, so am i disappointed that i really haven't met anyone?, no, am i glad at the prospect of becoming better friends with walker's and love's friends?, yes, do you consider me a lazy ass for not doing any of the brunt work in making the friends, but just taking part in the good times?, probably, but oh well
i guess a lot of people think their friends need a "woman" (don't ask me why i put woman in quotations) or they "need to get laid" (haha, i find that funny, how does sex with some random girl make someone feel better other than just physically?) i guess girls are the wonder drug for all of us guys' problems, stressed out? get a woman, busy day at work? get a woman, got bad grades? get a woman, getting too nervous and up-tight? drink a lot..........then get a woman, somehow this doesn't seem like we give women enough credit, you could insert "smoke a cigarette" for any of those answers and it would work the same, but i guess it's just me, me and my celibate-type tendencies, i did realize that i can be more out-going than i used to think, that's a plus, i can hold my own with someone i just met and not end up sounding like a complete idiot, and i feel more comfortable with new people too, i guess i don't really need to impress anyone anymore, that's what i thought i used to have to do cause people couldn't just like me for me, but now i can just act like myself, take or leave it, i like that feeling, no expectations, don't like me? well, too bad, you're missing out, but i bet there's like 9 million other people who might like me, same with girls, there are a million hot girls out there, it's the one with the best personality that's gonna win me over, so i could date some girl, have some fun, but if it doesn't work out, ok, oh well, i'll keep having a good time until i find the girl that best fits me, so that's encouraging
i think the main thing i've learned is that you can't think too much, you have to act more to truly get what you want and you can't be concerned with little things that you said or did because ultimately if someone likes you or is interested in you, they are not gonna care about one little thing because in the grand scheme of things it means nothing, they enjoy you for you and are able to cut you a little (and depending upon how much they like you, a ton) of slack, you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be yourself, cause your imperfections are what make you desirable and lovable, how is that for a quote? huh? huh?
*note- there was this girl in my psych class who pretty much just looked like your standard party girl, but she had the most amazing hair and eyes i've ever seen, her eyes were so dark, it was almost like a complete black circle, like wes borland's contacts, but smaller and less limp bizkity, most people put so much emphasis on color in people's irises, like indigo blue or whatever, but these eyes, whew, amazing, they were so unique and so damn sexy, but of course i didn't even say anything, it's alright, i'll see her some other time and walk up and be like "baby, i wanna get lost in your beautiful black eyes" and then walk away
which reminds me, i saw that reading (the school, not the action) girl that was at the cincinnatus thing that i flirted with and i totally forgot her name, otherwise i would've talked to her, it was the first time i saw her since then, it was nice, it made me feel good inside, just to see her
well, i guess that's it, peace
C-funk OUT!!
P.S. that whole alrosa villa damageplan concert shooting thing really freaked me out, i was just up there and to know that someone got killed there a couple weeks after i was up there was really disturbing and depressing, i almost cried when i heard dimebag was killed, just invisioning it, it was so horrible, so first we lose layne staley and now dimebag, two reunions of two amazing bands will never come to light, it seriously makes me wanna cry
R.I.P. dimebag and all of the others that died that night
P.P.S. i hope no one takes this as a stereotype of all heavy metal fans because a lot of us are very respectable, loving human beings and for someone to do that is just incomprehensible