And I think, the gyre turns.
Almost nine years now, this journal. It started with posts that have long since been deleted or privatised. It started with not a lot of good things. Sometimes I wonder how far I have come, and if I've been hard enough on myself.
But I digress. To return, I'm wondering about the function of this LJ for me. I used to use it to update friends on what I was doing. Now I'm busy, I don't have time to report on everything I did X weekend (and so much has happened since Spring Break began in March), and there're a lot of things I don't want to talk about, whether it's because I'd rather people not know, or because I don't think it's very interesting. Lots of my friends are busy too. We're growing up. We've got responsibilities. A lot of us are adult-blogging, which to me means writing substantive articles on blogs you've hosted yourself, thus entering into the cortex of human opinions, as buzzing and noisy as it can be on the Internet. Nevertheless, you're sharing, plugging in, defending and debating.
I've never really liked to broadcast my opinions to my friends, at least on things that deeply mattered to the core of me. Abortion, for example. Torture, for example. Is it fear of what others will see? Is it fear that my opinions on these touch closer to faith rather than reason? Maybe I'm just not that deep. I get plenty riled up about postprocessualist archaeologists and abstinence-only education, and then feel embarrassed afterwards, as if I've been caught atop a soapbox in Hyde Park with a pasted on Marxist beard, asking my comrades if I'm in the right Corner. Posturing.
So what is this LJ supposed to be for now, for me? I'm uncomfortable writing about my feelings and doubts on such a public interface, even friends-only. It's the transcribing of a record that troubles me more than anything else. Is this what law school and a lifetime of missteps have taught me? Using LJ to chronicle my goings about town almost does a disservice to my immature posts of early years. Merely relying on it as an internal log seems like I am not using it to its full potential. What is it going to be?
Then again, anything can be twisted if you analyse it for long enough.
But I digress. To return, I'm wondering about the function of this LJ for me. I used to use it to update friends on what I was doing. Now I'm busy, I don't have time to report on everything I did X weekend (and so much has happened since Spring Break began in March), and there're a lot of things I don't want to talk about, whether it's because I'd rather people not know, or because I don't think it's very interesting. Lots of my friends are busy too. We're growing up. We've got responsibilities. A lot of us are adult-blogging, which to me means writing substantive articles on blogs you've hosted yourself, thus entering into the cortex of human opinions, as buzzing and noisy as it can be on the Internet. Nevertheless, you're sharing, plugging in, defending and debating.
I've never really liked to broadcast my opinions to my friends, at least on things that deeply mattered to the core of me. Abortion, for example. Torture, for example. Is it fear of what others will see? Is it fear that my opinions on these touch closer to faith rather than reason? Maybe I'm just not that deep. I get plenty riled up about postprocessualist archaeologists and abstinence-only education, and then feel embarrassed afterwards, as if I've been caught atop a soapbox in Hyde Park with a pasted on Marxist beard, asking my comrades if I'm in the right Corner. Posturing.
So what is this LJ supposed to be for now, for me? I'm uncomfortable writing about my feelings and doubts on such a public interface, even friends-only. It's the transcribing of a record that troubles me more than anything else. Is this what law school and a lifetime of missteps have taught me? Using LJ to chronicle my goings about town almost does a disservice to my immature posts of early years. Merely relying on it as an internal log seems like I am not using it to its full potential. What is it going to be?
Then again, anything can be twisted if you analyse it for long enough.