Trying to figure out a way I can recreate you...
It's funny posting this here. I guess because LJ has been a huge source of mourning and maybe over-mourning about my dad. I think this is the only place that listened. Because it had to. Everyone else gets sick of the re-runs, you know? Nobody else understand that it always feels as crazy as it did the day it happened. Ok, it lessens a bit, but you know, you just don't ever get tired of thinking about it. It's like a wet, black hole inside you. It never scabs over. Sometimes you just forget it's there.
Now. It's 5 years. And this doesn't mean anything more than 4, does it? I don't know. But it's just like that day... cold and sunny. Just like I'll try to decide what to wear, I'll be trying to decide how to feel.
I'm feeling old. I feel like it's all slipping further away. And nothing today could matter. I haven't been to his grave for such a long time. I should go there tomorrow.
Now. It's 5 years. And this doesn't mean anything more than 4, does it? I don't know. But it's just like that day... cold and sunny. Just like I'll try to decide what to wear, I'll be trying to decide how to feel.
I'm feeling old. I feel like it's all slipping further away. And nothing today could matter. I haven't been to his grave for such a long time. I should go there tomorrow.