the misconception of my reality
yesterday was a weird day for me. i have lost my driver's license and been looking for it non stop in hopes of actually finding it so that i can do something for my birthday.
let me just preface this with the fact that i have major social phobia in so many ways. it takes a lot for me to talk to people.. feel comfortable in social situations with those that i dont know.. i NEVER answer my door if i don't know who is there or im not expecting you. i will stare at you through the blinds watching you for long drawn out minutes.. but if i dont know who you are, don't see a familiar car in my driveway, or you haven't called to let me know you are coming.. that door will remain shut. not sure why im like this.. maybe too many jehovah witnesses, young kids selling candy.. i have a horrible time at saying no... so i just avoid those situations all together. it's made my life so much easier.
with that being said, yesterday morning, i was running out to my car to try to locate my license when someone knocked on my door. as i had already basically opened the door, there was no way around this. my heart pounded as i opened the door, completely stinky, with major bedhead, no bra on and only a little of makeup left from the night before. there, in my doorway stood the most adorable guy. he introduced himself.. said he was part of this group which teaches young adults (twentysomethings) how to get out into the world, deal with their fear of public speaking and make some money. he was selling magazines and showed me all kinds of badges and papers and what not. he had caught me completely off guard. i was so flustered, the next thing i knew he and his friend were sitting inside my house showing me magazines to buy. they were telling me their life stories.. looking back at it now, im lucky they didn't tie me up and rob me.. but honestly i wasn't even thinking about that at the time. we had some good laughs, turns out that they are staying in the same town my family lives in. so i told them i would give my cousin their number so that they would have something to do. through complementing the smells permeating from the kitchen, they convinced me to cook them lunch. as one of them said, "they've only been feeding us mcdonalds". they complimented my cooking, so that was good. they left about an hour after this little escapade began. the weird thing is, while they were here.. i really enjoyed talking with them. there was one in particular that i flirted with. he gave me his cell phone and told me to program my number into it as they were here for 3wks and we were going to go out at sometime... so i did.
now, my friend kathleen is a little baffled... one at how irresponsible it was to let these two guys into my house. honestly, i know that. and it is completely against my character and yet this one was so charming, i was like a hypnotized snake. weaving back and forth to everything he said. kathleen also doesn't understand how i can be so social with two complete strangers and not with people here in austin. she thinks that maybe i need to move away and then deal with people here.. like somehow that is going to get me over my shyness with austinites and allow me to meet a good guy. she's right i suppose... all of the guys hat i have been "talking" to (with the exception of that ONE that tore my heart into paper airplanes) have been out of town. some as close as temple, killeen, san antonio.. others as far as pennsylvania.. there is something safe about exposing myself to and letting in those that i know aren't going to amount to anything more than a fling or friendship. maybe this ordeal proves that i have major commitment issues. or some kind of issues. i think this is definitely something i need to delve into deeper.
in the mean time, the cute one has called me all day today. we are going out for sure on friday. i might go meet him tomorrow after he gets home from work. maybe im just lacking some excitement and this is how im fulfilling that. who knows. but im going to have fun until i figure things out.
let me just preface this with the fact that i have major social phobia in so many ways. it takes a lot for me to talk to people.. feel comfortable in social situations with those that i dont know.. i NEVER answer my door if i don't know who is there or im not expecting you. i will stare at you through the blinds watching you for long drawn out minutes.. but if i dont know who you are, don't see a familiar car in my driveway, or you haven't called to let me know you are coming.. that door will remain shut. not sure why im like this.. maybe too many jehovah witnesses, young kids selling candy.. i have a horrible time at saying no... so i just avoid those situations all together. it's made my life so much easier.
with that being said, yesterday morning, i was running out to my car to try to locate my license when someone knocked on my door. as i had already basically opened the door, there was no way around this. my heart pounded as i opened the door, completely stinky, with major bedhead, no bra on and only a little of makeup left from the night before. there, in my doorway stood the most adorable guy. he introduced himself.. said he was part of this group which teaches young adults (twentysomethings) how to get out into the world, deal with their fear of public speaking and make some money. he was selling magazines and showed me all kinds of badges and papers and what not. he had caught me completely off guard. i was so flustered, the next thing i knew he and his friend were sitting inside my house showing me magazines to buy. they were telling me their life stories.. looking back at it now, im lucky they didn't tie me up and rob me.. but honestly i wasn't even thinking about that at the time. we had some good laughs, turns out that they are staying in the same town my family lives in. so i told them i would give my cousin their number so that they would have something to do. through complementing the smells permeating from the kitchen, they convinced me to cook them lunch. as one of them said, "they've only been feeding us mcdonalds". they complimented my cooking, so that was good. they left about an hour after this little escapade began. the weird thing is, while they were here.. i really enjoyed talking with them. there was one in particular that i flirted with. he gave me his cell phone and told me to program my number into it as they were here for 3wks and we were going to go out at sometime... so i did.
now, my friend kathleen is a little baffled... one at how irresponsible it was to let these two guys into my house. honestly, i know that. and it is completely against my character and yet this one was so charming, i was like a hypnotized snake. weaving back and forth to everything he said. kathleen also doesn't understand how i can be so social with two complete strangers and not with people here in austin. she thinks that maybe i need to move away and then deal with people here.. like somehow that is going to get me over my shyness with austinites and allow me to meet a good guy. she's right i suppose... all of the guys hat i have been "talking" to (with the exception of that ONE that tore my heart into paper airplanes) have been out of town. some as close as temple, killeen, san antonio.. others as far as pennsylvania.. there is something safe about exposing myself to and letting in those that i know aren't going to amount to anything more than a fling or friendship. maybe this ordeal proves that i have major commitment issues. or some kind of issues. i think this is definitely something i need to delve into deeper.
in the mean time, the cute one has called me all day today. we are going out for sure on friday. i might go meet him tomorrow after he gets home from work. maybe im just lacking some excitement and this is how im fulfilling that. who knows. but im going to have fun until i figure things out.