Valentines day has never been so bitter...
"What goes around, comes around..."
So much has happened in the last 5 days, it just all caught up to me yesterday and even more so, today. I've NEVER EVER been the type of person to do these things... but WAS that person. I dont know if it's LIFE and it's changing me... or me trying to change life by acting out. But i KNEW better. I've realized how fucked up people can be...all it takes is acts of SELFISHNESS to FUCK up. While thinking i was only hurting one person, i hurt someone even closer to me that means the world to me. I'm not talking about no fucking guy either. Guys come and go... the old saying is TRUE ladies. and ALL men are dogs. ALL of them. Some just have more fleas than others. But today opened up my eyes soooo much...that i had to do something about what i've done. i only care about loosing one person and thats not anyone i'm IN LOVE with...it's someone who i FUCKEN love to death, who's stuck by me when i felt like no one else cared. But now.....i gotta live with what i've done. and try to best understand that there is NO excuse for the actions that were made. I've never felt so guilt in my adult life... let alone on valentines day... or a FUCKEN DAY before my teen years were over... tomorrow is my 20th birthday and honestly... i couldnt give a shit less. He said it best today by telling me "Happy birthday tomorrow. Enjoy your last teenage day" and thats exactally when i realized...I've acted like the BIGGEST immature teenager THE DAY BEFORE i turn 20....but i had to try to fix and complete the unfinished business that lies with the younger "teenage" me. I couldnt wake up tomorrow morning looking @ myself in the mirror knowing what i've done and said... and be okay with it. Wash away this grief. pain. lies. guilt. and sarrow from my soul. and let me start the next chapter of my life with knowing that it wasnt worth it.
happy birthday sofie. GROW up.