too much
i went back to last year. a huge turning point once again in my life. and read some entries that brought smiles and then tears to my face.
and i found this entry that made me just realize that i was in love with Him from the start...
Aug. 7 2005
I met him back in late april...HOW? by a roll of the dice...me taking a chance...and i thank god every day i had to gutts to do so...anyways...we talked and talked...I totally enjoyed our insightful conversations about a wide range of things...school, friends, relationships, life, and so fourth.
It's now July and I'm head over heals for him. We've grown to know eachother and doing so was such a pleasure. I'm so interested in him because he's so unique. I can honestly say i've never met someone like him. He's sexy...not only in a physical way...but sexy because his personality is untouched...true...blunt. Jesus, he's real.
I'm ME around him. No sugar coating. No preservatives. No BULLSHIT. I can walk around with no make up and not feel like a total beast. I can laugh like a total dork and he says how he loves to hear it. I can make funny and weirD faces and he replies with "oh beb, you're so cute". He accepts me and all my flaws. And that right there...makes me feel so fucken loved.
I care about him. so much. i dont know if he realizes how much i care for him... i try to do everything in my power to show him without being too out there. but...i end up doing it anyways...and it feels good. I do little things that remind me of him. And that makes me smile. He makes me smile.
and i love him for that.
i dont know what im really trying to explain or get at in this entry...but...he just left...he was really preoccupied in some stuff he's going through right now...and honestly, i feel bad because i feel so useless. However, i do everything and anything in my power to show him that im here for him...no matter what he's going through. Ill be his shoulder to cry on. I'll have an ear to lend to listen to him. I'll be waiting with open arms when he needs love. I'll be here with my feelings reassuring him that he is great...and he has nothing to worry about because i know things will work out for him. he's determined. he's focused. he's confident.
...
he's amazing.
luis...you let me wake up every morning with a smile on my face knowing youre a part of my life.
thats all i need.
-always sofie
------------------------
And then, i found this as well. This reminded me how much i miss writting and expressing myself through words. I have to buy myself a journal and get back into the habbit of it.
fast.
Don't talk to me of love, i've had an earful.
My eardrums have bled one too many times
of disapointment and dismay from all the deception.
Don't lecture to me of love, my heart is numb.
It doesn't skip a beat when I see your face.
Instead it comes to a screeching hault and I
realize I rather be dead than be with you again.
Don't preach to me of love, the burning senation
in my eyes wont go away from trying to look past
the lies and empty emotions you served me with a smile on your face.
I'm tired of listening to you.
I'm tired of aruging with you.
I'm tired of siding with you.
I'm tired of trying to make you love me.
Don't talk to me of love.
Just shut your mouth and walk away.
gives me chillz
and last but not least....one of my all time favorite pictures.
haha
and i found this entry that made me just realize that i was in love with Him from the start...
Aug. 7 2005
I met him back in late april...HOW? by a roll of the dice...me taking a chance...and i thank god every day i had to gutts to do so...anyways...we talked and talked...I totally enjoyed our insightful conversations about a wide range of things...school, friends, relationships, life, and so fourth.
It's now July and I'm head over heals for him. We've grown to know eachother and doing so was such a pleasure. I'm so interested in him because he's so unique. I can honestly say i've never met someone like him. He's sexy...not only in a physical way...but sexy because his personality is untouched...true...blunt. Jesus, he's real.
I'm ME around him. No sugar coating. No preservatives. No BULLSHIT. I can walk around with no make up and not feel like a total beast. I can laugh like a total dork and he says how he loves to hear it. I can make funny and weirD faces and he replies with "oh beb, you're so cute". He accepts me and all my flaws. And that right there...makes me feel so fucken loved.
I care about him. so much. i dont know if he realizes how much i care for him... i try to do everything in my power to show him without being too out there. but...i end up doing it anyways...and it feels good. I do little things that remind me of him. And that makes me smile. He makes me smile.
and i love him for that.
i dont know what im really trying to explain or get at in this entry...but...he just left...he was really preoccupied in some stuff he's going through right now...and honestly, i feel bad because i feel so useless. However, i do everything and anything in my power to show him that im here for him...no matter what he's going through. Ill be his shoulder to cry on. I'll have an ear to lend to listen to him. I'll be waiting with open arms when he needs love. I'll be here with my feelings reassuring him that he is great...and he has nothing to worry about because i know things will work out for him. he's determined. he's focused. he's confident.
...
he's amazing.
luis...you let me wake up every morning with a smile on my face knowing youre a part of my life.
thats all i need.
-always sofie
------------------------
And then, i found this as well. This reminded me how much i miss writting and expressing myself through words. I have to buy myself a journal and get back into the habbit of it.
fast.
Don't talk to me of love, i've had an earful.
My eardrums have bled one too many times
of disapointment and dismay from all the deception.
Don't lecture to me of love, my heart is numb.
It doesn't skip a beat when I see your face.
Instead it comes to a screeching hault and I
realize I rather be dead than be with you again.
Don't preach to me of love, the burning senation
in my eyes wont go away from trying to look past
the lies and empty emotions you served me with a smile on your face.
I'm tired of listening to you.
I'm tired of aruging with you.
I'm tired of siding with you.
I'm tired of trying to make you love me.
Don't talk to me of love.
Just shut your mouth and walk away.
gives me chillz
and last but not least....one of my all time favorite pictures.
haha