stupid stupid stupid
made the mistake of hooking up with my best guy friend last week. god, why did i do that? what actually made me think that i could get out of that without falling for him again? this is ridiculous. i was naive enough to think that maybe, maybe that that might have meant something, that he wasn't just going to grope and go, so to speak, but ah, no. He's still pining over the other girl, as all the guys i care about do, excluding the losers that i seem to date exclusively, and there you have it again. moi, je suis FIN avec l'amour. C'est impossible. fucking fucking fuck fuck fuck!!! fuck! why am i an idiot? I can't even type, let alone hook up with someone who i'm very close with and have already had a huge crush on. What on god's green earth, excuse the colloquialism, made me think i could pull that off without something like this happening? maybe i actually believed, incorrectly, that it would make him see what was in front of him, instead of pining after the girl who has let him know for a year that she's not interested in him, and is now in PARAGUAY until august. and he told me that he was worried about her. just...worried about her. about something happening. Sweet jesus mary and joseph. no one has ever just been worried about me. No guy anyway. I was thinking, god damn. how utterly, and despicably sweet. how very honest. he's worried about her. no one has ever said that about me. poor little me. sigh. bastard.
so there it is. i am officially sick of le bullshit. what use is a brain if you can't use it to shut down the things that hurt you, right? so, la la la. I have decided to not let myself do this again. i don't want to care about anyone, not romantically. just close it off. Never really worked for me anyway. What am i kidding. Never really worked? I've been a romantic iceburg/Titanic episode ever since my first kiss ran away from me on the playground in kindergarten. men and women will never understand eachother, never mind all the agony we cause eachother. So why should i contribute to all the yahoo? from this point on, i fully intend to limit my romantic expression to theatre and chick flicks. I can deal with pangs. What good is a brain if you can't replace romance with intellect? I believe, in my case, Love, God, and Sex should be kept at safely intellectual distance. Melodramatic, right? you're damn right it is and fuck you too. (I didn't mean that, sorry..)
A tout a l'heure
glenna
so there it is. i am officially sick of le bullshit. what use is a brain if you can't use it to shut down the things that hurt you, right? so, la la la. I have decided to not let myself do this again. i don't want to care about anyone, not romantically. just close it off. Never really worked for me anyway. What am i kidding. Never really worked? I've been a romantic iceburg/Titanic episode ever since my first kiss ran away from me on the playground in kindergarten. men and women will never understand eachother, never mind all the agony we cause eachother. So why should i contribute to all the yahoo? from this point on, i fully intend to limit my romantic expression to theatre and chick flicks. I can deal with pangs. What good is a brain if you can't replace romance with intellect? I believe, in my case, Love, God, and Sex should be kept at safely intellectual distance. Melodramatic, right? you're damn right it is and fuck you too. (I didn't mean that, sorry..)
A tout a l'heure
glenna