(no subject)
duality. lots and lots of it. I can't figure out if I want to be a stable person who makes safe choices, or someone who does what they want when they want, and constantly seeks thrills and excitement. I don't think I can balance the two, and it drives me more nuts than when I felt like I was actually nuts.
part of me wishes I never came home from Hawaii. I know I have delusions of grandeur and think that everything is great when it is new and shiny, and everything dulls with time, but walking to the beach and swimming all hours of the day was unspeakably pleasant. I would eventually become infected with island fever, and want to come home to the mainland, but I could ride out a couple of years.
I still feel like I want to fall in love all over the world. Like life isn't over, but it's on pause. It's hard. I get stir crazy. I constantly need excitement, and feel incredibly unfulfilled and lonely. The summer is back and the weather here has been beautiful. Time for climbing again, and maybe that will fix everything. Baker is tomorrow after work. I'm nervous all over again. Big mountains are like first dates. You feel doomed to embarrass yourself. It's exciting and your skin is tingling waiting for it. mmm...anticipation.
part of me wishes I never came home from Hawaii. I know I have delusions of grandeur and think that everything is great when it is new and shiny, and everything dulls with time, but walking to the beach and swimming all hours of the day was unspeakably pleasant. I would eventually become infected with island fever, and want to come home to the mainland, but I could ride out a couple of years.
I still feel like I want to fall in love all over the world. Like life isn't over, but it's on pause. It's hard. I get stir crazy. I constantly need excitement, and feel incredibly unfulfilled and lonely. The summer is back and the weather here has been beautiful. Time for climbing again, and maybe that will fix everything. Baker is tomorrow after work. I'm nervous all over again. Big mountains are like first dates. You feel doomed to embarrass yourself. It's exciting and your skin is tingling waiting for it. mmm...anticipation.