feeling lost
i really dont know what to feel or do right now im pregnent again and i know that right now my mind will run wild and i will experiance feelings that might not have any truth to them at all. tonight is a friend of a friends birthday and my friends left me home alone and took my fieonce with then to get totally wasted and i am not only feeling left out but i have never seen jason really really drunk befor i dont know what he does when hes drunk. the one thing that pops into my head is that what if he gets so drunk that he gets horney and some bitch starts comming onto him. what if he cant controle himself and fucks her???? i dont think hed do somthing to hurt me but you never know what a person will do when there trashed!!!!!! i dont like feeling so insecure concidering that jason and I are getting married in a few months. but i dont know it just worries me i would love to just caulk it up to [regnency insanity but i mean. whats a girl to do when her best friend and her husband wisk her fieonce away to a party where she dosent know any one there there carrictors and how he is when hes drunk. i swear beyond all that is holy that if he comes home smelling like a whore ill walk out of this house and ill not come back ever ill pack my shit and hell never hear from me again. i know he tends to get horney even after one drink and if he think that ill put up with that shit after what chris did to me hes sadly mistaken!!!!! I dont know i just wish there was some one here that i trusted to talk to!!!! i mean the only person that i can talk to right now is nicole and there aint a fuckin way in hell illtlk to that bitch about what is happoning. I dont even know that there is anything going on i just picture in my head some skinny bitch sitting on his lap wispering in his ear and rubbing up against him and it makes me soooooooooo mad. If any one reads this who actually knows me personally you know how jelious i am and he had absoultly no dificulty leaving me here by my self know how i am and how jellous i can get. i mean last week he told me he worked with a bunch of woman and 3-4 days latr he told me he was playing with kiki's thong!!!!!!! of corse at 15 weeks pregnent im bound to jump to conclutions. he was talking about a shoe but i dont know!!!!!!!! Tell me im crazy please!!!!!!!