EVERYTHING I KNOW
I'M SURE THIS IS FAR FROM A NICE CHRISTMAS PRESENT, considering the fact that I haven't updated in several months, but it's what will be happening. I'm rewriting my story. I know Marion's screaming from her computer chair right now, but it's really what I plan on doing
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Since this is the first time I've actually read the words and stuff, without just skimming, it was an experience. This is brilliant. Am I being too hasty/biased in saying that? Uh, fuck, no. As I said, your writing shows improvement. I love it. It's crisp and understated - makes for good, easy, enjoyable reading. Nothing overdone, nothing underdone (is that a word?! Anyway, that's what I mean). The dialogue is much snappier, very realistic, and funny (but this is expected.)! Ron is RON. You've got him down. Hermione is fantasticly in character as well. One mention about Harry:
"I was wondering about all that yarn. But still, bodysuits?"
That line seems a little off to me - like it's too proper of Harry to say. But it's me being nitpicky. But I think he might've said:
"Yeah, I wondered about all the yarn. But still - bodysuits?"
...Cabin No. 40 needs a transition to that paragraph, but I know you're aware of that. Oh, and when she sets the parchment down - sets it down where? I thought she was walking. Maybe ( ... )
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Caught the errors, corrected them, love how we're always on the same wavelength. (Well, sort of. Orli is just too... ugh) And do you think I should take that whole conversation out? The more I read it over, the more weirdass it looks to me. I'm serious.
Love you to pieces, and, "fantastically." ;) (I'll let you catch it, Los Angles.)
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No, I say leave the conversation in. I already told you - I like it a lot, especially how it's just pure dialogue - it totally enhanced the setting that Hermione was outside the compartment and when she opened the door and stepped in, it's like everything caught up to present time. It's excellent; definitely leave it in. Besides, you're already establishing Ron's character there (he shows more than Harry, I felt).
*hugs*
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