listen to bob dylan.
today i was stressed out at work. not unusual, but it wasn't about work on this particular day. i had been talking to elia, and he said something to me about this girl he was going to see when he's in town saturday, even though he's apparently not going to have time to hang out with me. apparently it's this girl he was going to hit it with, and i started to feel the same way i do whenever any good guy friend seems to forget that i don't really need to hear these things. i told him, "i think sometimes you forget i'm a girl when you talk to me." he agreed. no apology, no indication that he understood that that wasn't something i wanted.
and then i started getting frustrated. this particular week, i've heard about FOUR engagements. and it's not to say that i want to be a part of that, because one of them is a situation i KNOW i don't want to be in (i'm hearing the cocking of a shotgun in my head as i type this). but it's just unnerving, because those things always make you think about how your own situation stands. even if that's not where you want to be, it makes you think. talking to him today made me figure out one of the things that's getting to me about that.
for as long as i can remember, i've had more male friends than female. i match them in thinking, and in dealing with people, a little better than with most girls. and it's tough to do that. because for my part, when i'm friends with guys, they don't treat me as though i'm a girl. not to say that i need them to fall in love with me, because i don't. but at least acknowledge that there are things that i don't tell them because they're guys, and to offer me the option of the same courtesy to not have to hear about what girls they're having sex with, or how hot some girl is, or anything like that. yes, i like to know what's going on in their lives. but it gets exhausting, and today was one of those days.
i don't want to be automatically discounted as something valuable. hell, i don't want to be automatically discounted as a female. because despite the fact that i've been told i don't fit the normal mold of a lot of girls (which i'm not even sure is true, but in the sense i'm not slutty or catty or any of those things that guys attribute to girls, they're correct), that doesn't mean that i'm not a girl.
i worry that the line that's been placed between me and the rest of the girls guys seem to know, is going to be my downfall. i'll end up in an endless string of friendships with guys, relegated to just being the friend and never finding someone who thinks of me as anything other than that, or anything more than that. ugh.
the point of the title, by the way, was that i was listening to this great mix i made a few years ago, and a cover of "just like a woman" by bob dylan came on. i've heard a lot of the cover albums that are tributes to bob dylan, and most of the songs are just okay. i'm not exaggerating when i say that the something corporate cover of just like a woman is FLAWLESS.
the chorus always hits me, but today it could not be more appropriate.
you take just like a woman, yes you do
and you make love just like a woman, yes you do
and you ache just like a woman
but you break just like a little girl.
all true. and note, none of those imply that i'm male.
just what's been rolling around in my brain today.
and then i started getting frustrated. this particular week, i've heard about FOUR engagements. and it's not to say that i want to be a part of that, because one of them is a situation i KNOW i don't want to be in (i'm hearing the cocking of a shotgun in my head as i type this). but it's just unnerving, because those things always make you think about how your own situation stands. even if that's not where you want to be, it makes you think. talking to him today made me figure out one of the things that's getting to me about that.
for as long as i can remember, i've had more male friends than female. i match them in thinking, and in dealing with people, a little better than with most girls. and it's tough to do that. because for my part, when i'm friends with guys, they don't treat me as though i'm a girl. not to say that i need them to fall in love with me, because i don't. but at least acknowledge that there are things that i don't tell them because they're guys, and to offer me the option of the same courtesy to not have to hear about what girls they're having sex with, or how hot some girl is, or anything like that. yes, i like to know what's going on in their lives. but it gets exhausting, and today was one of those days.
i don't want to be automatically discounted as something valuable. hell, i don't want to be automatically discounted as a female. because despite the fact that i've been told i don't fit the normal mold of a lot of girls (which i'm not even sure is true, but in the sense i'm not slutty or catty or any of those things that guys attribute to girls, they're correct), that doesn't mean that i'm not a girl.
i worry that the line that's been placed between me and the rest of the girls guys seem to know, is going to be my downfall. i'll end up in an endless string of friendships with guys, relegated to just being the friend and never finding someone who thinks of me as anything other than that, or anything more than that. ugh.
the point of the title, by the way, was that i was listening to this great mix i made a few years ago, and a cover of "just like a woman" by bob dylan came on. i've heard a lot of the cover albums that are tributes to bob dylan, and most of the songs are just okay. i'm not exaggerating when i say that the something corporate cover of just like a woman is FLAWLESS.
the chorus always hits me, but today it could not be more appropriate.
you take just like a woman, yes you do
and you make love just like a woman, yes you do
and you ache just like a woman
but you break just like a little girl.
all true. and note, none of those imply that i'm male.
just what's been rolling around in my brain today.