Writer's Block: Resolved
RESOLVED: I have a couple things to put down here. I've been thinking about this a lot toward the end of this year, not because of 2008 ending, but more because I have a life to get back to next week when work starts up again, and I have to make it better. Not to sound like a downer who always complains, but it's not a good situation for me. I love what I do, but do not love where I do it.
(And to be frank, a minor resolution is this: if circumstances stay as they are, one way or another, through another job or school, I will not end 2009 working for HCC.)
Ergo, I have a few ways to try and fix things in the interim.
(1) I want to spend less time angry. I spent an unprecedented amount of time upset with my circumstances for whatever reason. Work, life at home, friends, relationships- you name it, I found a way to get and stay angry at it. I found myself looking at someone I didn't know. I really like being laid back about things, and I've let that fall to the wayside in favor of grudges, rage, frustration, and all those other things that spread bad energy.
So here's where I want to be in 2009. I want to be a more tolerant person. Things aren't always going to go my way, and indeed can't always go my way, and I want to find ways to be okay with that. Finding projects at work that can distract me from the bad circumstances, spending less time at home or finding refuge from the things that frustrate me here, meeting new people, making peace with the nature of relationships with those I do know now...all these things can keep me from being that angry person I didn't recognize toward the end of '08.
(2) Don't panic. I spend a lot of time terrified that I'm not going to be able to achieve my goals. I'm 22 and have a job, but don't like where I am. I've applied to school, but am afraid that I'm not going to get one of the 30 spots that I need. People around me are pairing off like there's a flood coming, and I'm not similarly coupling. But all these things are okay. I have time. I don't want to panic about things I don't have control of. I can't afford to- I don't have a whole lot of control over those things. I work where I work, until I find something else to do. I live where I live, until I can viably afford to be somewhere else on my own. I'm going somewhere, someday, and I will get there in time if I take the right steps. And I will find who I'm supposed to be with- when I'm ready, and when he's ready too. I need to calm down in the meantime, and know that these things are coming for me.
How long will I be able to hold on to these resolutions? Not sure. But it's not a matter of not being able to do it. I know all these things that I need to know to make them happen. It's just a matter of making sure I remember them in my quiet moments, in my more complicated, frustrating, or infuriating circumstances. Things are how they are. people are who they are. How can I learn to make them work for me, how can I learn to exist in a situation I don't like?
I guess that's what this year is for.
(And to be frank, a minor resolution is this: if circumstances stay as they are, one way or another, through another job or school, I will not end 2009 working for HCC.)
Ergo, I have a few ways to try and fix things in the interim.
(1) I want to spend less time angry. I spent an unprecedented amount of time upset with my circumstances for whatever reason. Work, life at home, friends, relationships- you name it, I found a way to get and stay angry at it. I found myself looking at someone I didn't know. I really like being laid back about things, and I've let that fall to the wayside in favor of grudges, rage, frustration, and all those other things that spread bad energy.
So here's where I want to be in 2009. I want to be a more tolerant person. Things aren't always going to go my way, and indeed can't always go my way, and I want to find ways to be okay with that. Finding projects at work that can distract me from the bad circumstances, spending less time at home or finding refuge from the things that frustrate me here, meeting new people, making peace with the nature of relationships with those I do know now...all these things can keep me from being that angry person I didn't recognize toward the end of '08.
(2) Don't panic. I spend a lot of time terrified that I'm not going to be able to achieve my goals. I'm 22 and have a job, but don't like where I am. I've applied to school, but am afraid that I'm not going to get one of the 30 spots that I need. People around me are pairing off like there's a flood coming, and I'm not similarly coupling. But all these things are okay. I have time. I don't want to panic about things I don't have control of. I can't afford to- I don't have a whole lot of control over those things. I work where I work, until I find something else to do. I live where I live, until I can viably afford to be somewhere else on my own. I'm going somewhere, someday, and I will get there in time if I take the right steps. And I will find who I'm supposed to be with- when I'm ready, and when he's ready too. I need to calm down in the meantime, and know that these things are coming for me.
How long will I be able to hold on to these resolutions? Not sure. But it's not a matter of not being able to do it. I know all these things that I need to know to make them happen. It's just a matter of making sure I remember them in my quiet moments, in my more complicated, frustrating, or infuriating circumstances. Things are how they are. people are who they are. How can I learn to make them work for me, how can I learn to exist in a situation I don't like?
I guess that's what this year is for.