(no subject)
i want to feel so many ways that aren't the way that i feel now
maybe that's the whole problem, i don't know, it'd be best to just feel what i'm feeling and not try to change it or fight or feel anything different and the times that i want to get back to were times when i was doing just that but i am just so tired of this and tired of how i feel about people and tired of how i feel about myself and tired of seeing only the big picture and wanting to kill myself all of the time because of that and seeing suicide as a better option than doing anything including getting a job or doing any of the other things that i "should be doing" but i can't kill myself because i can't leave ed and i don't know what to do
i wish i felt connected to myself
maybe that's the whole problem, i don't know, it'd be best to just feel what i'm feeling and not try to change it or fight or feel anything different and the times that i want to get back to were times when i was doing just that but i am just so tired of this and tired of how i feel about people and tired of how i feel about myself and tired of seeing only the big picture and wanting to kill myself all of the time because of that and seeing suicide as a better option than doing anything including getting a job or doing any of the other things that i "should be doing" but i can't kill myself because i can't leave ed and i don't know what to do
i wish i felt connected to myself