Lidocaine for my brain...
I'm tired...and I keep staying up too late.
I spend all day thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home...and then do something entirely different.
I'm excited about our upcoming vacation...but I'm nervous about it too.
This is the first time I've been back to Florida since I moved home. There are lots of people that I can't wait to see. It's just going back to that apartment that freaks me out. Sleeping in that apartment. Knowing that I'm going to run into plenty of people that are gonna want to talk about everything I don't want to talk about. I need this vacation, and I don't want to spend it being haunted by the past but unfortunately, there's no way around it. I know that going back to the apartment is something I have to do. I'm so very curious as to what I'm going to feel. I'm thinking about this way too much. I should be thinking about good times, and sunshine, and hitting the road with my best girl. But my thoughts are definitely more directed toward a rush of bad memories hitting me like a brick wall. I like to think I know myself pretty well, and I think I'm gonna be pretty weirded out when I first get there. But I also think that after about 5 minutes I'm gonna look around and say..."shit...glad that's over". No matter how bad the past may be...it's still the past. Over and done. Even if I haven't completely moved on from it yet.
Yeah...everything's gonna be cool. Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of your head and writing them down makes it easier to see that it's unecessary to let them drive you crazy. I just have to remind myself that this is just another hurdle that is going to make me stronger once I jump over it. I'll just pack my handy springboard!! :D
I spend all day thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home...and then do something entirely different.
I'm excited about our upcoming vacation...but I'm nervous about it too.
This is the first time I've been back to Florida since I moved home. There are lots of people that I can't wait to see. It's just going back to that apartment that freaks me out. Sleeping in that apartment. Knowing that I'm going to run into plenty of people that are gonna want to talk about everything I don't want to talk about. I need this vacation, and I don't want to spend it being haunted by the past but unfortunately, there's no way around it. I know that going back to the apartment is something I have to do. I'm so very curious as to what I'm going to feel. I'm thinking about this way too much. I should be thinking about good times, and sunshine, and hitting the road with my best girl. But my thoughts are definitely more directed toward a rush of bad memories hitting me like a brick wall. I like to think I know myself pretty well, and I think I'm gonna be pretty weirded out when I first get there. But I also think that after about 5 minutes I'm gonna look around and say..."shit...glad that's over". No matter how bad the past may be...it's still the past. Over and done. Even if I haven't completely moved on from it yet.
Yeah...everything's gonna be cool. Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of your head and writing them down makes it easier to see that it's unecessary to let them drive you crazy. I just have to remind myself that this is just another hurdle that is going to make me stronger once I jump over it. I'll just pack my handy springboard!! :D