I hate the way the world works.
Why do people who don't care about anything, get everything?
I grew up my whole life dreaming of my wedding. MY WHOLE LIFE. and in the end, I never had one. I got married at a court house. And though i love my husband deeply, I always feel like there is a gap missing. I never got to wear a big white dress, I never got to walk down the aisle to see Phil's face light up, I never got to be given away by my father, I never got my first dance, I never got my father daughter dance, or a wedding cake, I got married by a judge, in a small room, with 2 people there as witnesses. My reception was at CPK and my wedding cake was take out cheese cake from the cheese cake factory. I dont have pictures, I have no physical memory of this event except for my ring and a certificate. I feel empty.
Now, my sister in law, Amanda, is getting married in 3 weeks. A shot gun wedding to say the least, but heartbreaking for me. Amanda doesn't give a shit about a wedding. She could care less. She wants nothing to do with the details, she wants everyone to do the work for her, and limits herself to doing "one wedding thing" a day, and the rest MUST be taken care of by someone else. Yet, she is getting a wedding. Everyone is doing everything in their power to make sure she has a wedding.
I am so mad, sad, hurt by this. No one cared if we had a wedding, yet everyone cares that she has a wedding. And to top it off, my mother in law, who, at any chance likes to flaunt that she is better than everyone else and can afford anything expensive, convieniently states "we dont put any money in for our sons to get married, we are mexican" The only time she will ever admit to being mexican is when it works in her favor.
My parents obviously could not afford to have paid for a wedding, they were barely able to hold on to their house.
So here I am, crying every day over this because Amanda just doesn't see how lucky she is. She is taking it all forgranted.
And though Phil and I talk about renewing our vows and having a big wedding, In the pit of my heart, I know it will probably never happen. I know that this feeling will never go away. I know that the tears will never stop.
At least this is a learning experience for me, at least now I know I will do whatever it takes for my children to get married in the propper way.