How it looks now
Well ive completed WLC and ive got a good amount of goodies to add to my collection. Life is decent and im stable its just that i know i should be further along. School is gonna have to start up again and im going to need to finish this degree so that i can move on and make other plans. There are women around but none i truly call or beckon for. I guess because i havent made a decision. Ive been looking for one to call mine....one that inspires me...maybe im being picky. Maybe im unfocused. I will revise my findings and attack. Right now im so out of focus and it feels strange. In a months time or so i will need to find a new home. Efren is leaving towards where he works now and that isnt the biggest part. My life isnt what it use to be with out biew. Shes still in my mind even though i try to move forward. Maybe its foolish...im not sure but shes still in my head. I waste all this time trying to be cool and liked and for what? I really just want to be a one woman show.....she was my everything. I will continue to better myself but still as the waves settle i always tend to think of her. Im such a fuckin fool. So many of these women are a waste.....or is it that im not putting enough effort? I dont know but sometimes i feel lots of the chemistry is off. They aren't my priority.....maybe thats what it is. Pick one and stick to her.....or is it something else??? I dont know...but fuck this game of chance. What i do know is that someone will show up because i always make effort to meeting new women....its just that im waiting till we match and it takes off from there. I must show more effort to win one over....whether its christine or someone else...i know im missing some steps. Ive gotta make a path and write this down. The more i know the better ill be able to make a choice. Im a bit of a mess but i want to be so much more than that. Its time to put myself back together before i lose it. I dont want to live as a failure and measuring by my actions as of late i need to take more thorough paths and consistently work on progress. Put time aside for personal advancement and less time for activities that just fill time. Language and skill set time will make me more in life.....self taught skills to boost my money and travel. In between finishing my degree i will focus on things like this and push ahead. Nerd out to become something great. 30 is new light...i will be just that. Expand my mind as well as get fit. I miss my biew and ive gotta elevate myself. This is my time....i must be reborn again and take one these challenges. It is the only way i become more than the rest. One skill at a time......im glad i came to write here after months because i feel like ive found my way again. I want to love biew again but i know i needed a reminder of who i am and where im going. Focus in with lazer precision and expand the mind and crafts....its time for the next progression.i am found. I am new and i am ready to rebuild what was once lost in the mix. Its my time . knowledge and love will be the new priority. I will finish the fun out and then shift into this new phase. It must be done.....