Motivation is few and far between...

Sep 03, 2004 12:44

One week down and MANY to go...So, the first week of school was well 'the first week of school'. What can I say? It feels really strange to be going to my classes this year. I feel like I should be going to see the same people as I got close to last year and instead I am forced to start over. Luckily this year I have classes with a lot of my better friends, but I know that a few of the people that I happened to get close to last year I probably won't talk to much, if at all unless I happen to be with them when senior year rolls around. I kind of feel like giving up on having close friendships with anyone else other then the people that I have been able to build that bond with so far. I feel like I try and try to get close to some people and they compley dis me probablly without even thinking about the message it sends. And, of course I take it too seriously. This seems to happen with my closest friends sometimes, too. I put way to much faith in people that could probablly care less about how I feel and I hate it because I continue to fall in this trap. I get so caught up in being accepted by the people that will never be satisfied and forget about the friends that really matter. So I'm going to stop. I'm just leaving it up to God. If he wants me to have a close friendship with anyone he will plant the seed and keep me from getting crushed again.

I'm going to this retreat in Northern Maryland later this afternoon (Jamie Molz and Megan Snyder are giong, too) and we'll be there until sunday morning. It is supposed to be a time to discove "A Beautiful You" and I think this would be the perfect time for some more self confidence. These days it takes like 3 seconds for me to feel bad about my appearance and stuff, because I once again care too much about what people think. I hope I will be able to get over that.

I'll post later on how it went.

Catalina (my spanish name)
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