Definite improvement!

Aug 14, 2004 23:21

Well today has been a lot better then yesterday. But with the way I was feeling last night, that wasn't hard to beat. Although, my morning and early afternoon was still plagued with a bit of "unhappyness", when Meghan got done with work stuff she came over and we hung and watched TV and it was like old times. It was nice to be with my best friend again.

With all the thinking I've done lately I believe I've figured out a part of what has left me feeling so down recently. I have never stayed at a school for more then two years since elementary school and that is setting in. I've been frustrated with a lack of strength in the friendships that I've made with people at Tech, but granted how close can you get with only having one class together all year? After moving through 4 schools since it all began I have become acoustom to quickly making friends and not begin afraid to get close quickly. I have always been one to put my heart on the line naturally. And in return so often I have found myself crushed when the friend didn't put that much importance in me. I think the enptiness that I have run into with people at Tech is a mix of me putting all of my heart in a few friends and not enough in others. I really want to work on not being afriad to be myself with everyone no matter what they might think, but not putting so much importance that I'm setting myself up to get hurt. I believe that will fix the viod that I'm runing into now. Well atleast I hope.

I know our teenage years a supposed to be rough. Therefore I shouldn't be surprised that within the past year I have faced so many new struggles and responsiblities, and I'm sure that God won't lead me astray and everything will work out. But disappointment hits you hard whenever it chooses and I guess I got blindsided.

My goal with the rest of the summer is to hang out with as many friends as possible and forget being afraid of getting hurt. I'm tired of being afraid of being considered annoying or something like that. I just want to be confident enough in myself that I don't even think about that. I don't want to annalyze people's actions so much that I come up with every negative that the other person could be thinking. I want to continue to build the friendships that have been planted. I want to be happy.

Maybe I should start all of this by getting a shower, reading my Bible, and going to bed. There's not a better way to end the day, then with a good dose of the Word, right?

Sweet Dreams, Collins

P.S. I'm so glad the olymics are here!! I've been watching them all day! lol
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