(no subject)
OK, this week has been a decent one...considering we only had school 3 days which was rather nice, even though I still got two projects assigned and I'm still trying to figure out what topic I'm going to go with for my Junior paper...ugh. I really like "How the media/television effected the Vietnam war", but if I keep that for my senior paper Mr. Conaway is sure that I will never be able to come up with a project that is "above and beyond" what we have already learned. And now I feel like my future has crept up on me I'm taking SATs in March and possibly June. My family is stressing that I start figuring out which colleges I want to visit. I can't decide if God wants me to follow "my dream" if that's even my dream anymore and go into Communications or if I would be better used serving as a missionary or teacher or volunteer at a shelter. I feel like there is such a need for such positions even in the United States that as a Christian that has been blessed with so much it is my responsibility to help out. I know that His plan will be revealed eventually but what do I do in the mean time? Ahhh...
Another thing that has been getting to me is the realization that my sarcasm, which in my eyes was harmless, has gone to far. This was pointed out to me at youth group a couple weeks ago enexpectidly and it really caught me off guard. I think I have almost been thinking that everyone else had problems and I was faultless or somthing. Now I just feel like crap because I realize what a bad habit it is. I know a lot of people have problems like this where they don't realize hwo their actions are effecting people but I'm supposed to be an example, someone people can come to and know that I am there for them. But, I'm afraid all I've done is turn people away from me...I seriously hope not though!
I really miss the close knit enviornment of Epworth or Weslyan (the two school I previously went to). I miss knowing you have one or two great friedns that you will see everyday. That you knwo you will hang out with. That you can turn to for anything. They didn't get jealous of you or compete with you or think that you were even a person that would do any of that stuff, because they knew you better then that. They wouldn't leave you out, rather hang out with someone else, or joke around in a way that could hurt your feelings. But now that I'm at Tech I feel like things change so much. One year I'm great friends with one person the next be barely talk. One week I hang out with one girl the next she picks someone else. One day their nice to you the next they won't give you the time of day. Ugh!!! I hope that I never act this way to someone and if I do...SLAP ME! It's just not fair...
So that is what has kept me so confused inside...all of this. I really need soem clarity, and a sincere friend!
Another thing that has been getting to me is the realization that my sarcasm, which in my eyes was harmless, has gone to far. This was pointed out to me at youth group a couple weeks ago enexpectidly and it really caught me off guard. I think I have almost been thinking that everyone else had problems and I was faultless or somthing. Now I just feel like crap because I realize what a bad habit it is. I know a lot of people have problems like this where they don't realize hwo their actions are effecting people but I'm supposed to be an example, someone people can come to and know that I am there for them. But, I'm afraid all I've done is turn people away from me...I seriously hope not though!
I really miss the close knit enviornment of Epworth or Weslyan (the two school I previously went to). I miss knowing you have one or two great friedns that you will see everyday. That you knwo you will hang out with. That you can turn to for anything. They didn't get jealous of you or compete with you or think that you were even a person that would do any of that stuff, because they knew you better then that. They wouldn't leave you out, rather hang out with someone else, or joke around in a way that could hurt your feelings. But now that I'm at Tech I feel like things change so much. One year I'm great friends with one person the next be barely talk. One week I hang out with one girl the next she picks someone else. One day their nice to you the next they won't give you the time of day. Ugh!!! I hope that I never act this way to someone and if I do...SLAP ME! It's just not fair...
So that is what has kept me so confused inside...all of this. I really need soem clarity, and a sincere friend!