Different
I feel different. I feel, emancipated, vindicated, freed. It is nice. I feel in control, though, I have the desire to experience. I feel like hanging out with Kyle. I feel like I could do anything and handle the natural consequences. I sort of feel in a sense like I've exposed my innermost self to vulnerability and after having been thoroughly burned the scar tissue has hardened and I'm now free to do whatever I want. Lack of threats has helped too. I'm sort of glad that I still desire things. I just what to be natural, indulge in everything that I avoid out of embarrassment, shame, envy etc. To I point I feel like screw everything I believed in so much, not everything though really, just all the bullshit. Keep and live for everything I believed in that I still do. I am tired of habits I've had, and don't feel regretful or compelled to change them but to just live I want to. To do what I want to. I had a dream that I wen to a theme park with the LTV crew and Saro Paparian was too afraid to go on this one ride I wanted to go on and I said, "Come on, it's not even that bad," SO he goes on with Mr. Rynerson James and I, and Saro ends up getting thrown around all violently and I end up feeling bad cause I told him to go on and I think he may have ended up getting hurt cause of me, like I controlled where he went and directly affected him. I have dreams about cauldrons a lot I noticed, and theme parks. I feel like going and doing something permanent, or sort of permanent, cause nothings exactly permanent I guess. Like getting a tattoo or doing something for the first time like bungee jumping or something crazy like that. Scott and Saro are so hot...