Feelin' like a loser.

Apr 02, 2007 05:42

Yeah, so I don't think I am going to work today... We actually I say I am not. My brain is telling me to give it 30 minutes and see how I feel. Inside I feel like the biggest loser in the world to not be able to make it in on one of my last two scheduled days before I start my maternity leave. Though I have had minimal sleep due to several factors; not being able to get comfortable, getting kicked in the ribs and poked in the pelvic bone, having heart burn (like thats a new effin' concept), and not being able to breathe. AH! I just want to fucking scream.

I have also been experiencing the wonderful pregnant leg cramping that I think feels like 50 charlie horses combine with no anesthesia amputation. It hurts like hell and on one occasion I did indeed cry. I have been told that the best advice is to just get up and walk it out, but if you can not even move or stand up I would really like to know how the hell you are supposed to "just walk it out". Perhaps I am too much a wimp? Naw! I am a trooper! A super trooper at that <-- I love smiley's with shades!!!

I think part of the reason I am feeling so loser-ish right now is that I have worked so many places with so many lazy pregnant botches, yes, I meant to spell it B-O-T-C-H, thank you very much. That used they're pregnancies as a crutch for ABSOLUTELY every little thing. It was sickening. I guess that I just fear deep down inside that my co-workers will view me that way, though I have only called in 3, today makes 4 times since Sept. 24th I believe that I called in due to pregnant reasons.

I will be the first to admit it. Its hard. You carry quite the load. Its frustrating, stressful, even ugly feeling at times. Its distracting, draining, tiring, and in so many ways wonderful at the same time. Being the kind of person that I am, especially with the kind of luck that I have I cannot believe that things have gone this well thus far. Though I know I shouldn't count my eggs before they hatch, no pun intended, because I still have 19 days to go. Damn. Only 19 more days (or so)! I cannot believe I have been pregnant for nine months. It an amazing thought. Really.

Ok. So I just called in. Nada problemo. Ah, I feel like a piece of shit, but with what I do its not like some mindless job where you can go in on 2 1/2 hours of sleep, (hang over, forget it- not that I have one) and half ass it. People's lives, quality of it, and well being depend on my and lay heavily on my shoulder's. Two weeks ago I went in to work on about 30minutes-1 hour of sleep because it was when they were having my "SURPRISE" baby shower, and let me tell you. I came home afterwards and said NEVER EVER AGAIN IN A MILLION TRILLION YEARS! EVER! It was horrid and I think my sleeping pattern was off for about 4-6 days. It sucked ass.

Another scary thought that randoms pops in and out of mind is that all of my co-workers don't really know the "not pregnant Cora". I was pregnant when I started working at the Meadows and definitely did not know it. I worked there for about a month or so before finding out that I was el prego!

Ok... Time for me to stop staring at this god damn screen so god damn early. I am going to go and get some milk as my tums alternate, and perhaps go play tetris with the furniture up stairs. I did that for hours last night, the same as I did two weeks ago.

Ah, nuff dis puter biz, dis early in da am.
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