Bored.Alone.&Sick.Of.It.All
I sit here and type this as I have nothing else to do. I am 34 weeks pregnant. Tired, but feeling extremely healthy, my feet ankles are swollen to the point of pain; yet I sit here still not wanting to complain as I have had such wonderful lucky my whole pregnancy.
Its a Sunday night, and I sit here alone. My wonderful boyfriend, at work. My friends, who knows. The telephone occupied. One can only do so much net surfing, im-ing and "ps2-ing". I am bored senseless.
My excitement grows with more anticipation every day as I get closer and closer to actual parenthood, though one could say that journey has already begun. I sit here and look at our beautiful crib and can't help but think that in less than 2 months there will be a sweet little body sleeping in it. The perfect combination of Skot and I. Oh what joy!
Work was a typical weekend with just the minimal amount of staff to survive on. Though the time change made for a much more difficult day. It becomes really frustrating when half of the 20 or so residents that you wake up spend the next 10 minutes arguing with your over the actual time. I say its 7:30am, while they say it would be 6:30am but since I am 5 minutes ahead it is really only 6:25am. Ahhh. What a day. It feels so good to be home and have my feet up; that is supposed to help with the swelling and fluid retention but who knows! I know its just temporary and thats why I try to grin, bear it, and make the best of it. I've become overly fond of soaking my feet in extremely hot water and using nice foot soaks, suck as green tea, or peppermint/lavender... Anything to sooth myself right now.
Some people in this crazed world make me seriously think that having a baby to most people is like buying a new fashion accessory. Its the latest fad or trend. Its the cool thing! News flash. Everyone does it because it is a part of reproduction and the life cycle, not because it is the "in thing" to do. Some people just blow my mind. I can have pretty outlandish things exit my mouth or enter my thoughts at times but geez! Having a child is a life time commitment, not only to the child but to the co-producer as well. You have at least 18 years ahead of yourselves of not only thinking of you, yours, and your best interests, but to protect such a fragile and delicate being from the cruel world that awaits it. At some point we all have to let go and learn from our own mistakes, but as long as each mistake carries its own lesson there is not much more that can be don't about it.
I had a roomie once who used her 4 year old child as a crutch for everything. He was even her excuse for living off the state. Seriously. Some of you BF folk know exactly who I am taking about. It made me sick. Her. Not the state support. The state offers assistance to people for reasons, and it is for those reasons in which it should be utilized... none other. I understand that there are people within this state in which cannot work for mental and medical reasons, and if that is what some of my tax dollars has to go to, well then fine. I just never knew that being a lazy, dysfunctional, slutty, highly unmotivated person constituted as a mental or medical condition. WAIT! IT DOESN'T.
The previously stated topic makes me think of unmotivated, psycho, and unwilling to let go, ex-boyfriends! I had a conversation with my good friend Tabatha regarding guys like these not too long ago and we didn't actually form a conclusion. There is this largely growing sub-population of male species who think they are for some odd reason above the rest. They think that they either don't have to work, or need a job making a lot of money because thats what they are worth. I don't fully understand this because if you apply for a random ass job and you have no experience doing such job duties then obviously you do not qualify to be paid more that the base wage? What gives someone any idea otherwise? Then there is the other kind, which make me want to KILL, KILL, KILL. They kind of guy who is content with not working, not having an income, and not finding one. I can sadly say that I have dated douches before that have had jobs in most cases, a few have been between places, but whatever; and then once things were at another level and we were unfortunately living together they became perfectly content with not working due to me making more than enough money to support myself, my place, and their skanky ass... These are the same douches that will usually lie to you about stupid shit, like employment history, sexual past, blah blah blah and then once you ditch them and their shit its like they become even more infatuated with you and make it point to find you.
The last retard that I threw out of my apartment thought it would be kosher to call me a whore and a cunt. That was however before I read the book CUNT and now have a fondness for the word. None the less this didn't get him far. It actually got him kicked out, and homeless which then led him back to mommy's house!!! Haha, I laugh over this because the fucking idiot can still not hold a job and had to voluntarily repo his truck and motorcycle to cover past bills due to his lack of employment. Did I mention that we are speaking of a 21 year old? Did I also mention him being moron enough to want to come to Rutland and find me? Haha, one I don't think he realizes how large Rutland is. Two, I don't think he realized how slow and painful his death could be made if he was to actually have brain enough to succeed.
Before these occurrences were several other miscellaneous douche bags, pricks, cock suckers (literally), and other people that don't fit my requirements, needs, or expectations. Oh man. How does Skot deal with me?! However it is he is able to sanely manage me I love him for it. I swear he is the strongest male figure I know. Wow. That makes me sound kinda bad. I am not a bad person nor a bad girlfriend, but I often dish the shit just to see if it can be taken... If it can't be taken its more than likely a waste of my time... I cannot be committed to a pussy ass bitch.
I sit here with my ankles still swollen and contemplating food... Though that would involve moving and normally I am not the lazy type however the stairs just kill me. Morel ike they kill my feet!
I still cannot get over the other nights drama! I usually try my best and let things such as this slip as far out of my mind as possible but it just makes me laugh, almost uncontrollably. How stupid, and not to mention immature, even selfish can one be? Its just amusing. To each their own, but I know I had a better head on my shoulder's than that at that age!
Other things have been on my mind as well lately sort of a reoccurring thing. It drives me quietly insane to know that there has been a huge decrease in communication with Spanky and Skot. Spanky has issues with me. Not Skot. Spanky has issues with me because I have issues with Madalyn whom he is not even with anymore. For the note I hope he is happy and healthy and continuing to take care of him self as he was the last time we were out there. He seemed to be in very good spirits that day and acted and even messaged me about enjoying OUR company, though come to find he deeply despises me. Oh well, just another two faced, FAKE, myspacer! What is all boils down to is that if anyone should have an issue with anyone everyone should just let me be in my own little world where I don't like Madalyn and Skot, Spanky and I can all get along! I really truly do not have a thing against him besides his occasional childish behavior. Still he has issues with me, I obviously know and sadly found out the hard way, but still there is no reason we can be adults and suck it up. We both love Skot, that is one huge thing we have in common. I really hope that the day comes when Spanky takes a bid in on Tory's advice and invites Skot over with out me!!!!!! I really do. One, if that is the true case then Spanky can find means of transportation, I will find more enjoyable activities to participate in. I find it really sad when things come down to circumstances such as that because if he wanted to get even with me he should just knock up a girl who doesn't like me and exclude me from their baby shower festivities. How immature is all this BS. AH. I AM DONE!