Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
It was almost dawn by the time I reached the safety of the lobby of the block of flats I’d been staying in. Seemed I’d stopped giving a toss about getting home before the nasty sun these days, not like I had anything to go home to save a bottle of Jack and early morning bloody telly shows. Which were worse now, than they’d ever been; Passions had
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Well that was interesting, wasn’t it? Maybe they’d had a falling out and she’d come to her senses. Yeah, or maybe they’d had a falling out and she’d decided to come back to her back up option. Stupid, pussy-whipped bloody Spike.
"So, who's the new whore?"
What was she? Jealous? I smiled a little. I kinda liked that… never really had her be jealous before.
“There’s been lots,” I said matter-of-factly, not looking away from her. She looked sad and tired; I was noticing it for the first time. Angelus better not have been giving her a fucking hard time, I’d bloody kill the wanker. She looked away from me then, more sad than angry and that’s when my resolve broke. I couldn’t be mad at her, yeah I was pussy-whipped as hell but I loved her. And what’s more I loved loving her, being with her, there was nothing better in the world and I liked to think I’d seen and done enough to make the claim.
“But the problem was I compared ‘em all to you.” I took a step forward and lightly plucked a strand of wet hair of her cheek. “And they didn’t last too long after that,” I whispered, bending to kiss her for the first time in nearly six years.
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My heart sank and I took a deep drag on my smoke, wondering if I made a mistake on coming back here. Maybe I was better off with Angelus' abuse while Lindsey ran around and did whatever he felt he needed to do. It was usually not me and I hate to admit it.
“But the problem was I compared ‘em all to you. And they didn’t last too long after that,”
I felt myself start to shake as he moved closer to me, moving hair from my face as he told me he compared them to me. I opened my mouth to speak but with his arm wrapped around me and his hand on my lower back all ability to speak left me.
He leaned in to kiss me and something shot through me, my body felt weak and I wrapped my arms around his chest and waist, feeling his arms wrap tighter around me to keep me pressed against him and standing.
I kissed him back slow and deep, my tongue slipping past my lips and brushing over his before I felt him suck hard on my bottom lip. His hands found their way into my hair, fisting it hard and pressing me to him even more. A small whimper escaped my lips and I fisted my hands in his shirt, feeling my soaked shirt pressing hard against his and soaking the front of his shirt.
Just being here like this made me realize that it wasn't because he was my Sire that I felt everything. I've never felt more at home then I did at this moment, my home is with Spike.
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Lust shot through me and something else along with it, something long lost that I’d only ever felt with Tara, the feeling of being home and belonging to someone. I couldn’t lose this again, I just couldn’t…and that’s why I had to be sure.
With every ounce of sodding willpower I possessed, I broke the kiss. “Wait,” I began, trying to clear my head enough to think properly. “What is this though?” I asked, pushing her away from me slightly. I had to know, as thrilled as I was to have her back I had to know if I really had her back or if this was just a quick drop in before she moved on to bigger and better things.
“Just a visit for old time’s sake? Is Lindsey waiting for you in some hotel?” I asked, angry with myself at how much that question revealed my weaknesses.
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He pushed me away and I felt my heart sink. Even without a soul it was apparent that the two of us loved each other more then soulless vampires should. But that never stopped us before.
“Just a visit for old time’s sake? Is Lindsey waiting for you in some hotel?”
I threaded my fingers through my wet hair and sighed, trying to think of the best way to say it without feeling any smaller then I already did. "No." I whispered, looking up at him. "I got tired of waiting for someone that wasn't waiting for me."
The room got quiet and I stepped back from him, walking to the window, watching the rain fall over the city. I wasn't sure what else to say or what to do, nothing felt right and I thought it would when I came back here. But...but what if he didn't want me anymore? there is a difference between loving someone and just wanting them.
"I just wanted to come home." I whispered.
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I watched her walk to the window, her whole body seemed to slump and I could tell she was having a hard time of it. I knew I was being hard on her, but it was for a reason, I couldn’t bloody take it if this was just some drive by visit where I began to let my guard down again just to have her slip through my fingers all over again.
I couldn’t help but smirk a little, though, she’d been wrong about Lindsey, and I’d told her so at the time. Part of me wondered if she’d taken so long about coming home just to prove that I was wrong about the two of ‘em.
"I just wanted to come home."
I stood watching her a moment longer, considering making her beg. It’d be nice to hear, she never did do it that often and it seemed like she was just about ready to sink to it but hell, it was much more fun hearing her beg for other things. Things Lindsey couldn’t give her. Things that’d I’d been waiting to give her for the past six long, sodding years. I thrill went through me at the thought of it, we’d always been magnificent together, at everything, and I wanted it back. I was starting to think that she did to.
Moving slowly, I walked up behind her and rested my hands on her hips. The icey rain that’d seeped into her clothes almost made the skin underneath them seem warm and I thought for a moment about the sweet little thing she was way back when she was human.
“Well you’re home now, aren’t you?” I said softly, pressing my body against hers from behind and inhaling her sweet, sharp scent.
“But it can’t be for a visit, or a little while,” I wrapped my arms ‘round her waist and pulled her to me, burying my face in the smooth damp flesh of her neck and biting down lightly. I was starting to get very bloody worked up. “It has to be forever.” I told her.
“Can’t lose you again.”
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"Well you're home now, aren't you?"
Nodding slowly I closed my eyes and leaned back against him, the feel of his hands on my skin making me ache and burn. It wasn't for anything sexual - I always wanted him sexually - but this...this was something more. "Yes." I mouthed, unsure if I even spoke at all.
“But it can’t be for a visit, or a little while...It has to be forever. Cant' lose you again.”
Everything inside me surrendered, gave up and just gave myself to him. I licked my lips slowly and moved my hand up to my neck, brushing my hair off my neck and offering my skin to him. "Then don't." I whispered, swallowing and feeling his hands grip onto me hard. "Sire..."
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"Then don't…Sire..."
Something began to burn inside me, something that’d gone out when she left. Lust, deep and powerful but something else too, something more powerful than any of that. My hands gripped her hips harshly and before I knew it I’d spun her ‘round, slipping into game face at some point and sinking my fangs into the soft, sweet flesh of her neck. As I ripped through the marked I’d made when I’d turned her and tasted her rich, sweet blood flood my mouth I felt tears start to prickle my eyes so I closed them. Best not let her see that, couldn’t have her thinking I was soft, now could I.
When I’d taken a few mouthfuls I pulled back and kissed her hard, feeling her kiss back and press herself against me.
“Tara,” I murmured against her mouth, biting her lower lip and pulling back. “We should get you out of those wet clothes, I think,” I said softly, tracing the sharp V neck of her shirt as it made its way down into that mouth watering cleavage of hers. Just the idea that Lindsey’d had her all to himself the past… but no, wasn’t going to think about that wanker now…she’d come back to me, hadn’t she?
What I nice thought. “C’mon,” I said smirking, and pulling her in the direction of the bedroom.
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I didn't cry out, I didn't whimper and I didn't moan, I took what he gave me - the harshness of his bite and I could smell the salt of his tears - he drank and I felt good again. I felt whole and like everything was ok...even for an instant.
We both felt at home and I looked up at him, licking my lips and nodding when he said I should get out of the wet clothes. "Yes, maybe a hot shower." I whispered, keeping my hand tight in his as he drug me to the bedroom.
It looked the same and different all in the same instant. I felt anger, jealousy and hurt well up inside me, causing me to tighten my hand in his, I could smell the past six years in the room. I could smell all those women - and a few men - in the room, on the sheets and mixing with the leather. My eyes turned towards the large closet we had turned into a play room when we'd moved in. The scent was so strong that...
"No." I gasped, pulling my hand from him. "I...I don't belong here anymore." My head spun with confusion and hurt and I'd give anything to change everything...
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“Mmm, sounds good,” I agreed, squeezing her hand lightly. I felt better than I had since she left. Complete again and I was going to remind her how good we were together, how the-
"No. I...I don't belong here anymore."
My whole body jerked violent as she ripped her hand from mine and started moving back towards the door. What the bloody hell was she talking about? Of course she belonged here, she was the only one that ever did, that’s why I couldn’t keep a lover for more than two days, because they were all standing - or lying, as the case my be - in her bloody shadow.
“Tara, pet, what are you bloody on about?” I said as gently as I could muster, which wasn’t very gently at all really, but hell, she didn’t half mess with a blokes head, did she?
I took a deep breath and walked over to her. “’Course you belong here,” I said, more gently this time. I lifted a hand to stroke her face and stepped a little closer. She shrank back like frightened animal. My Tara, frightened? I hadn’t seen that since those first days after I turned her. I felt anger start to rise up in my gut. What the sodding hell had those two done to her?
“You’re the only one that ever has, love,” I continued. “All those others… just replacements… just toys so I didn’t feel so…” bloody hell, why did she always make me like this? “Hell, I missed you so much, Tara, so much some days I felt like I’d just…”
I hung my head sadly. I couldn’t do this… it was too hard, just seeing her, she was dangerous because I’d always want her, always do anything for her, I knew it, and maybe it was time to give myself a break.
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