PART FOUR

[ex_lovesbitc93]

AU
Neither Spike nor Tara ever went to Sunnydale, but as the fates would have it, they meet anyway.

****

[Continued from here]Gotta bloody love the afterglow

Comments

[ex_lovesbitc93]

"I'm ok...s-sore...but ok..."

I chucked the corset on the floor and we laid back down in the bed.

She was sore? Oh, right. Yeah…

I Stroked her hair, “If you’re sore love, I could run you a bath.” God I was so soft, such a fucking weak tosser. Why the hell did I care? ‘Cos I liked her, that’s why. There as no denying it. Hell I wouldn’t be thinking about trading Dru in for her if I didn’t. Guess I’d just have to accept it and get on with business.

She wouldn’t get sore, wouldn’t have all these annoying mortal hang-ups if she wasn’t mortal. Yeah, I’d made the decision. It was exciting and well, bloody frightening. I’d been so long with Dru and only Dru and now I was all ready and willing to start again. Bloody didn’t see that coming at all. Didn’t change my mind though, I’d ask her if she wanted it in the morning…

Guess I could just do it but…well, I didn’t give a toss about tradition or procedure for the most part, wasn’t a stickler for ‘em like Dru, but turning someone wasn’t something to be done thoughtlessly. I’d wait.

“Or we could just sleep,” I suggested, pulling her closer to me. Lord knows that’s what I wanted to do. It’d been a long time since I’d been this buggered, and from something so nice, at that.

“Just gonna rest my eyes…wake me if you wanna bath, hmm sweets?”

[sexytarawitch]

He was being sweet, why was he being sweet? He was my captor, my tormentor and...

And things I can't even think of anymore.

I felt Spike pull me close to him and I sighed slightly, the coolness of his body actually relaxing me and cooling my heated flesh off. "Sleep." I murmured, tucking a pillow under my head and trying to ignore the wetness that seeped between my thighs and ran down my skin, it made me feel less then I already felt. It made me feel cheap and used and...I didn't want that feeling.

“Just gonna rest my eyes…wake me if you wanna bath, hmm sweets?”

Nodding softly I started to tell him I liked that idea but he was already asleep. Shaking my head I tried to pull myself from his arms but he held me tightly, making the plan of me leaving before he woke up seem less and less.

A frustrated sigh escaped my lips and I felt tears sting my eyes. I didn't want to be here, I want to be home and safe. I didn't want to be like this...

I tried to get out of his arms again but I couldn't, giving up I buried my face in the pillow and cried myself softly to sleep, tormented by nightmares of my father and brother.

[ex_lovesbitc93]

What…?

What the bloody hell was that noise, I thought sleepily, not bothering to open my eyes. But then it sounded again and I recognised it. Sobbing.

My eyes snapped open and I looked down at Tara as she slept beside me. It wasn’t a nice sound sleep, though, the kind you should have after a night of such great sex, no, she was having one hell of a nightmare.

Worry and concern raced through me and I let ‘em run their course. I was fast forgetting that I was supposed to be her captor and starting to think like something else all together.

Her lover.

“Tara,” I said softly, rolling her over and shaking her lightly.

“Tara, kitten, wake up, you’re having a nightmare is all.”

I shook her again lightly and gathered her into my arms, holding her tightly. The feel of her warm skin against me was heavenly and my cock twitched in spite of the fact she was still sobbing sleepily against my shoulder…or maybe it was because of it, who know. It was beside the point though because the overwhelming need I felt, more than anything, was the need to comfort her.

“C’mon kitten,” I said stroking a hand down her back and rocking her gently like I used to do for Dru when she dreamt her horror-filled dreams. “Come back to me.”

[sexytarawitch]

I heard voices other then my father and brother trying to pull me out of my nightmare. I tried so hard to pull out of it but it was almost like it was drowning me.

“C’mon kitten...Come back to me.”

Something sharp inside my dream shot me awake and my eyes shot open, making me gasp and look around the room. Quickly I pulled back from whoever was holding me and I found myself on the floor, I scrambled over to the corner and closed my eyes tightly. I pulled the sheet around me and cried quietly, feeling my skin crawling so much that I wanted to rip it from my body.

I felt someone come up to me and when I felt them touch me I knew it was Spike. Flinching away from him I covered my head and huddled even more in the corner. "Go away...please...leave me...leave me alone..."

[ex_lovesbitc93]

Before I knew it she’d pulled herself out of my arms and scrambled to the corner, where she huddled and kept on fretting. I jumped out of the bed myself and slowly went over to her, crouching down in front of her and reaching out to stroke her wet hair. When my fingers made contact with her she flinched away….

"Go away...please...leave me...leave me alone..."

…can’t say it didn’t hurt me just a little. What the bloody hell had I done? But then I remembered what it was like. Dru used to get lost in her dreams and lash out at me, wasn’t her fault it was just the way her mind worked…and she’d always make up for it when she was better. I grinned at the memory and suddenly felt that old familiar loneliness creep back in.

Maybe I was wrong giving up on her so fast? I mean what was three years compared to nearly a hundred and twenty?

But…but I had Tara to think about now. I looked back at the sobbing girl in front of me and concern for her welled up inside me again. I did care about her.

“It’s okay, kitten,” I soothed without touching her this time. “S’just me…and you just had a bad dream. It’s over now though and I won’t let anything hurt you.”

[sexytarawitch]

Sobbing silently into the sheet I tried to calm myself down. I wasn't crying about the dream anymore, I was crying because of the situation, I was trapped here with nowhwere to go and what was worse is that I'm held against my will.

I don't want that, I don't want someone else to have control over me. They always had control, never me.

“It’s okay, kitten, S’just me…and you just had a bad dream. It’s over now though and I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Anger washed over me and I quickly stood up, crying out at the pain my body felt when I did. "Hurt me? H-hurt me?!" I was crying again but I wouldn't let that stop my words. "Y-you keep me here and you raped me and did t-things to me..."

Wiping my eyes I glared at him. "If it's a-anything I need is to be protected f-f-from you!" I lunged at him and we both fell to the floor, I started to weakly beat him with my fists, not caring if they made an impact on him or not. "I don't...I don't w-want to be here, I w-want...I want to go home."

[ex_lovesbitc93]

One minute I’m comforting her, and then the next thing I know she’s laying into me with her fists and reading the sodding riot act. Fuck me! Bloody women. After everything I’d done for her, too! Anger started to build inside me and I pushed her off me roughly and stood up.

Stupid bint. Well she could do what she liked. Dru’d be coming home soon anyway, it was my own sodding fault for forgetting about her. This was my bloody karma or something, no doubt.

“Fine,” I said softly, trying not to let the hurt show in my voice, but it did. Fuck.

No, fine,” I said more firmly, more coldly. “Bugger off then, see if I care.”

I started walking around the room and collecting all the things I’d given her. Don’t know why, should keep some of ‘em. Dru’d fancy the red dress at least and when she did come back it’d make her happy if I had a present for her. But I ended up shoving it in the bag with the rest of the stuff anyone.

I stood over her and watched as she hid her face in the sheet and cried. Suddenly my eyes smarted. I wanted her to stay…fuck! No I sodding well didn’t, I’d just gotten used to the sex is all, I couldn’t give a toss whether she lived or died.

Why don’t you kill her then? I thought. Better yet, take her back downstairs, chain her up and spend next two weeks killing her slowly…draining her and shagging her ‘til she begs to be put out of her misery. That’d teach the ungrateful bint

Bending down I grabbed her forearm and pulled her up. The sheet fell away and I took one last look at her bare body before shoving the bag into her arms.

“Piss off then,” I spat softly. She just stood there, staring at me like a sodding deer in the headlights.

”PISS OFF! I yelled.

[sexytarawitch]

“Bugger off then, see if I care.”

I watched him with wide eyes for a moment as he started getting things he'd given me over the past week and shoved them into a bag. He stalked back towards me and I started to cry harder into the sheet, not sure what I wanted to do anymore. I've wanted to get out since I got here and now...

Yes, freedom, that's what I wanted.

Spike grabbed my arm and I cried out, grasping at air as she sheet fell from my grasp, leaving me naked to his gaze. He shoved the bag into my hands and yelled at me, making me wince and flinch away.

Nodding I swallowed hard and hurried out of the room, running down the hall and locking myself in one of the bathrooms. Dumping the bag I pulled out a long red dress he'd gotten me that I hadn't worn. It was the least revealing and I slipped it on before picking up the rest of the things and finding my way out of the house.

How I got home is still a blur to me, but I did and I started pulling off anything I had on and headed straight for the shower. For two hours all I did was stand under the scalding hot water and cry; I didn't know when or if I was ever coming out of there again.

[ex_lovesbitc93]

I can’t believe I let her go. No, I told her to go, which makes me even more of a soft, stupid git. I don’t even know why I did it. One minute she’d bloody begging for it, and I think we might actually be able to make it work, and the next minute she’s crying her eyes out and telling me how much she hates.

Yeah alright, so she didn’t say she hated me, but I’d say from the tears and the violence against my person it was pretty much implied.

And I was going to give Dru up for that sodding bint? I must be bloody crazy.

‘Cept maybe it was more serious than I thought ‘cause it’d been two days and I was missing her like crazy. Her. Tara. Not Dru, hadn’t missed Dru since….

Fuck. I was really messed up.

Grabbing my coat and my fags I made my way out of the house to do the same thing I’d been doing for the last couple of nights. Watching Tara’s flat. I hadn’t seen her, I’d wager she was too scared to come out for fear I might decide to ‘reacquire’ her or something…who knows, maybe I would.

I sighed and inhaled deeply on the cigarette. I didn’t know what I was going to do, all I knew is that I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

[sexytarawitch]

I knew he was around, that's why I didn't leave my apartment for two days. I could feel him looking at my window and watching me even though I stayed away from the windows. For two days I ran around the apartment cleaning it till my fingers nearly bled, it wasn't that I felt dirty, I felt unsettled in a way. There was something going on inside me that I couldn't explain.

Well, I could. I was twisted and messed up, I missed him.

How, I don't get it, how could I miss him? He kidnaped and raped me, tortured me and kept me for a week against my will.

There was something else though, he treated me kindly and towards the end he seemed to really care. He was right about just going with what I feel, that what I feel isn't wrong.

But hell, it felt like it. Everything felt wrong and hard and I just wanted to hide away.

That's exactly what I was going to do.

[ex_lovesbitc93]

To get to Tara’s flat you have to pass a fair few shops and a bloke can’t help looking in the windows and such. I saw it the first night I followed her home and thought about stealing it for Dru. It was nice and shiny, she always liked shiny things and it was befitting a princess like her. But now I thought on it, it was really more Tara’s cup of tea.

Look a right treat with her eyes, lying against all that warm, creamy skin.

So before I went to her flat I broke in and stole the damn thing. Don’t know what I was going to do with it…leave it outside her bloody door or something equally as soft I suppose, but hell, I’d done worse and I probably would again.

I just needed her to come back to me…once she was in my arms again I could make her mine forever, like I should’ve from the get go and then all this pissing around and hand ringing could stop once and for bloody all.

The necklace was heavy in my pocket as I rounded the corner to her flat. I stopped outside the door and pulled it out, holding it in my hand and examining it under the street light. It was a choker of rich, heavy satin, pale blue like her eyes, with a filigree silver oval pendant attached. The pendant was set with a huge, flawless pearl that I knew was real - from the bloody price - and it was perfect for her.

Maybe a bit old fashioned but she could pull it off.

I couldn’t stand how soft I was being, but I also couldn’t change the fact that something had happened between the two of us. Tara and I had a connection, I’d be buggered if I was going to lose that.

I hung the necklace around the doorknob and knocked loudly, before fading back into the shadows and waiting. I wasn’t going to make my presence known, not tonight anyway, I just wanted to make sure she got her present.

And read the note I’d attached.

[magick_goddess]

I took a shower - again - and wrapped myself up in a robe, trying to feel clean and dry. It was hard with little reminders - like how sore I felt sitting down - to forget what happened and why I felt the way I did.

Wrong, just so twisted and wrong everything was.

Tea, that would calm me down, a nice cup of hot tea. Tightening the robe around me I went into the kitchen to make tea, hoping that it would relax me even a little. The pot started boiling and I poured the water over the teabags and added a bit of milk to it before walking to the living room to sit down.

There was a knock on the door that made me cry out and spill my tea. It landed on my lap and I cried out again, whimpering as the hot water scold my skin.

Whimpering softly I headed for the door. "Wh-who is it?" There was no answer. Biting my lip hard I opened the door just a bit, hearing a jangling sound that made me look at the knob.

Picking up the necklace with the note I looked at it and gasped. It was beautiful and it looked old fashioned. I opened the note slowly and I could feel my heart twist when I read it Sorry.

I was even more confused then before and I started to cry softly, pulling the necklace to me and closing the door behind me. I leaned against it and sank to my knees, my head pounding with indecision and worry.

But I did know what I had to do now, I didn't have much time though.

[ex_lovesbitc93]

I watched as she opened the door and snaked her hand out to fetch the necklace. She wasn’t taking any chances either, slamming the door as soon as she’d grabbed it off the handle.

What the bloody hell could I do now?

I ran a hand through my hair and fished in my pocket for my fags. I really hadn’t thought she’d been that scared, not in the end anyway. I hadn’t hurt her, not really, and hell, if I hadn’t been so bloody taken with her I would’ve killed her the first time she pulled that magick stunt. Bloody bint.

But I couldn’t help but smile. She’d be so magnificent as a vampire…all that magick’d make her wicked. Christ, the things we could get up to together.

But if I did it, it’d be admitting Dru wasn’t coming back, that we weren’t going to be together again. Now I’d been in some genuinely hair situations in my unlife, but that thought scared the shit out of me.

I took one last look at Tara’s warmly lit window and turned to head home. No, I wasn’t ready yet…not to turn her. If I knew she wanted me then maybe but…

Bloody hell, never thought it’d be so hard to fall in love again.

[magick_goddess]

It took me about two hours to get what I needed together. I gathered the few things that meant something to me and put them into a bag. I picked up that bag and the bag Spike gave me before I left and left my apartment, locked the door and shoved the key under the door, I turned and started walking, wondering if I still had some of my sanity left or not anymore.

I knew he was inside, I could almost feel it; even if I hadn't seen him go in. I stood there in the darkness, two small bags in hand and just watched the front door, waiting for something to shove me forward or give me the strength to run away.

Neither was in me.

Silently I stood there and cried softly, everything inside me pulling with confusion even though I had my conviction.

I felt drops and I looked up, feeling the rain start to fall slowly and yet I didn't move. I just stood there, dressed in that beautiful black satin dress with the necklace he'd left me, waiting for...for something...

Waiting for him.

[ex_lovesbitc93]

Whiskey.

Or vodka, I wasn’t a fussy drinker. Problem was I had neither.

There’d been a lot of times in my life when women had bugger up my life for me, but this was different, I’d never been this confused about a bird before in my life an I wasn’t sure I knew what to do about it. So alcohol seemed like the best solution.

Grabbing my duster, I headed to the front door. I could smell the rain before I heard it, it wasn’t all that heavy, but I’d have to be quick. Yeah, the coat was great for keeping you dry, but not that great.

I headed out the front door and turned my collar against the rain….and then I saw her.

Standing stock still, in the middle of the sodding rain…what the hell…? Before I knew it I was walking over to her, shirking off my coat and draping it around her shoulders.

“Are you bloody insane, pet?” I said, wincing at the annoyance I heard in my voice. I didn’t feel annoyed. Confused and…happy, but not annoyed. “You’ll catch your death out here. C’mon.”

I put an arm around her and led her back to the house, taking her into the sitting room and sitting her on the couch before getting a towel from one of the cupboards. Lucky this house previous owners had been so bloody well stocked.

I made my way back into the sitting room and handed her the towel. I noticed she was wearing the necklace and I smiled a bit. It did look beautiful on her…just like I thought.

“Why are you here?” I asked softly, my voice betraying the uncertainty I felt.