Today would have been something special...
Just got home from Cameron's party. I had a really good time. Practice was really good tonight, but then again it always is because I can actually forget about all my problems and just do what I love, and then I went to the football game for band for like 15 minutes and that made my night even worse because I got to hear what shit was being spread about supposedly things I say. Uh after that I don't want to talk about what happened... but thanks to Melissa and Dig everything's okay because they came to help me <3. My first instinct was to call Chris, and I thought he'd be the person who I thought he always was, I thought he'd come and help me and be there for me, but I don't know, something was different. I need to not be dependent anymore, I don't know if I can do this... I then went to Cameron's, where I had so much fun! I got to see Claire, who I haven't seen in months it seems. I got to hang out with a lot of people whom I haven't in a while, it was just an overall good time. I reallly needed one of those, too.
"I'm probably going on and on it seems I'm doing more of that these days
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it,
Oh you left so fast,
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God give me moments grace
Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way"
So I guess those lyrics just sum it all up. I just wish that you could look at me the way you used to, but I know that's not the case and I guess never will be. I wish we would have been celebrating today... I know that you don't read this, but I just wish somehow you'd know, you'd understand, and you'd think of me...