Some thoughts about marriage and name changing
X-posted to feminist
Arguments I don't buy about a woman taking her husband's last name:
The argument that your last name is really just your father's name doesn't really make sense, because your husband's name is really just *his* father's name... I forget who wrote about it, but why are men's names become their own, and women's names stay our fathers, if not to facilitate patrilineal descent and the enfolding of women into men's lives and names?
I also don't buy the argument that it's a different story if you don't like your last name. If you don't like your last name, change it. Now. Don't wait til you might or might not marry someone whose last name might or might not be better whom you might or might not stay marry to until death do you part and even if you do, whom you might or might not find a successor for should he predecease you.
I also don't buy the argument about one name symbolizing one family. I've just seen too many families that are blended or for various reasons people have different last names, and... either there's love and commitment or there isn't. It's not about the name. Not to mention that the way the system is messed up, you won't end up having the same last name as your children anyway if: a) you end up a widow or a divorcee and go back to your own name; b) you end up remarrying after widowhood or divorce; c) some of your children are daughters who end up taking someone else's last name; Of course, even if that all weren't true, I still wouldn't buy it because a woman taking her husband's last name, regardless of the actual motivations of the individuals, has a certain symbolic meaning in our society that I would think a feminist would want to avoid when, if the only motivation truly is to have the same last name, it would be just as easy for the man to take her name.
So... where does that leave things?
I don't feel sick when I hear about a woman taking her husband's last name. I do feel sad.
Arguments I don't buy about a woman taking her husband's last name:
The argument that your last name is really just your father's name doesn't really make sense, because your husband's name is really just *his* father's name... I forget who wrote about it, but why are men's names become their own, and women's names stay our fathers, if not to facilitate patrilineal descent and the enfolding of women into men's lives and names?
I also don't buy the argument that it's a different story if you don't like your last name. If you don't like your last name, change it. Now. Don't wait til you might or might not marry someone whose last name might or might not be better whom you might or might not stay marry to until death do you part and even if you do, whom you might or might not find a successor for should he predecease you.
I also don't buy the argument about one name symbolizing one family. I've just seen too many families that are blended or for various reasons people have different last names, and... either there's love and commitment or there isn't. It's not about the name. Not to mention that the way the system is messed up, you won't end up having the same last name as your children anyway if: a) you end up a widow or a divorcee and go back to your own name; b) you end up remarrying after widowhood or divorce; c) some of your children are daughters who end up taking someone else's last name; Of course, even if that all weren't true, I still wouldn't buy it because a woman taking her husband's last name, regardless of the actual motivations of the individuals, has a certain symbolic meaning in our society that I would think a feminist would want to avoid when, if the only motivation truly is to have the same last name, it would be just as easy for the man to take her name.
So... where does that leave things?
I don't feel sick when I hear about a woman taking her husband's last name. I do feel sad.