(no subject)
The blanket of self-pity and sorrow has somewhat lifted and today I woke up and thought:
Holy cow, I am actually going to be okay.
I went out to karaoke on Saturday without him for the first time and everyone was so happy to see me and the crowd was loving it and it felt so good to be wanted and liked. My bosses who had seen me weeks before all washed out and weeping at every drop of a hat, were surprised and happy to see me so strong. I AM HANDLING THIS BETTER THAN HE IS!! Which is amazing because I've always thought of myself as being too fragile and too dependent to survive something as earth-shattering as him leaving.
I love him and I will probably always love him, regardless of whatever mean, awful thing he does. He was my first everything, and there will always be a place for him inside of me...where he made his mark there. But I can't live with someone who lies to me. I can't consider a life with someone who lies to me. And he doesn't want me back...I am beginning to not want him back either. And that is so different than how I felt even a week ago.
Holy cow, I am actually going to be okay.
I went out to karaoke on Saturday without him for the first time and everyone was so happy to see me and the crowd was loving it and it felt so good to be wanted and liked. My bosses who had seen me weeks before all washed out and weeping at every drop of a hat, were surprised and happy to see me so strong. I AM HANDLING THIS BETTER THAN HE IS!! Which is amazing because I've always thought of myself as being too fragile and too dependent to survive something as earth-shattering as him leaving.
I love him and I will probably always love him, regardless of whatever mean, awful thing he does. He was my first everything, and there will always be a place for him inside of me...where he made his mark there. But I can't live with someone who lies to me. I can't consider a life with someone who lies to me. And he doesn't want me back...I am beginning to not want him back either. And that is so different than how I felt even a week ago.