(no subject)
my back has been pretty consistently painful these past couple days. i mean, it almost always is anyway, but even more annoyingly so now. if i think of it as anything other than "annoying", i'd probably cry. same goes for the foot pain. i'm tired of being in pain, but i'm in pain so often that it's more normal now than anything. i was filling out a form before i had my massage about past medical issues, and i put down my scoliosis and plantar fasciitis, and the lady asked me if i was in pain, and i said yes. then she asked if i was in pain yesterday, and i said yes. then she asked what i did that caused it to flare up, and i said, "it just never flares DOWN!"
and i really really really really hate talking about it. i can't believe i just said all of what i just said. it's taking all my restraint to not hit the delete key over all that shit.
i'm such a jackass today. sometimes i feel like i'm not a good mother to our animals. i feel like i should take care of them before i take care of myself. but then i don't take care of myself either. i just sit around, stinkin' the place up.
my dreams are telling me that i spend too much time in the past. i know that's where my obsessions lie. it's so hard to move on.
my goal this week is to call the social security administration on monday, wednesday, and friday... and to call the local SS office on tuesday and thursday. i will continue like this until money starts showing up.
i've sort of put my realtor on hold, and i'm sure she's getting irritated (or maybe i'm projecting... i'm DEFINITELY irritated with myself!). i'm so tired of looking at houses. though i really enjoy it, i get my hopes up and then realize we can't afford them. i STILL need to sit down with a lender and get the nitty gritty details figured out after the money comes and before i can be completely comfortable with a price range. we're probably going to get our loan through national city.
i need to get to the DHS this week... tuesday would probably be a good day... to drop off the rest of the information that is necessary to apply for food stamps and medicaid all over again. having those will help quite a bit, and i'm pretty sure that at least the food stamps would pad our application on the mortgage.
i'm getting pretty excited about finally being in charge of my own finances, and am moving towards ways to make that happen regardless of the stupid representative payee situation. there is an appeal process on that determination, but it might be too late. they give you 60 days, but i'm not sure from when. and even if that's a bust, there are ways around it.
there is some sort of mouse or rat (i couldn't get close enough to tell) living under the eaves on our balcony now, right where the sparrows used to nest. i saw it run out and attack a frickin squirrel earlier today. there was much squeaking, and the squirrel fell off the railing and the other little rodent-like creature ran back into his home so fast that i barely saw what happened. i hope i can get a closer look at him soon.
sheila got eleven teeth pulled on friday. i thought she'd be knocked out on vicodin all weekend, but no! we went to the k-wings game on friday night. it was a pretty good game, went into overtime, and then into a shoot-out. we wound up losing, but it was only preseason, and it was still fun. even on vicodin, sheila barely gets drowsy. and the pain has been pretty manageable for her, so that's good too.
i did 2 loads of laundry today. would have been 4, but i let one of our neighbors cut in. i can finish tomorrow. i went through all my clothes and put a bunch of stuff in a bag for goodwill, then rearranged everything, including my underwear drawer! i did the semi-annual throwoutthesinglesocks ritual. and i made room for charlies ever-expanding wardrobe in my dresser. he's got half a drawer of his own now.
i miss my syd :(
and i really really really really hate talking about it. i can't believe i just said all of what i just said. it's taking all my restraint to not hit the delete key over all that shit.
i'm such a jackass today. sometimes i feel like i'm not a good mother to our animals. i feel like i should take care of them before i take care of myself. but then i don't take care of myself either. i just sit around, stinkin' the place up.
my dreams are telling me that i spend too much time in the past. i know that's where my obsessions lie. it's so hard to move on.
my goal this week is to call the social security administration on monday, wednesday, and friday... and to call the local SS office on tuesday and thursday. i will continue like this until money starts showing up.
i've sort of put my realtor on hold, and i'm sure she's getting irritated (or maybe i'm projecting... i'm DEFINITELY irritated with myself!). i'm so tired of looking at houses. though i really enjoy it, i get my hopes up and then realize we can't afford them. i STILL need to sit down with a lender and get the nitty gritty details figured out after the money comes and before i can be completely comfortable with a price range. we're probably going to get our loan through national city.
i need to get to the DHS this week... tuesday would probably be a good day... to drop off the rest of the information that is necessary to apply for food stamps and medicaid all over again. having those will help quite a bit, and i'm pretty sure that at least the food stamps would pad our application on the mortgage.
i'm getting pretty excited about finally being in charge of my own finances, and am moving towards ways to make that happen regardless of the stupid representative payee situation. there is an appeal process on that determination, but it might be too late. they give you 60 days, but i'm not sure from when. and even if that's a bust, there are ways around it.
there is some sort of mouse or rat (i couldn't get close enough to tell) living under the eaves on our balcony now, right where the sparrows used to nest. i saw it run out and attack a frickin squirrel earlier today. there was much squeaking, and the squirrel fell off the railing and the other little rodent-like creature ran back into his home so fast that i barely saw what happened. i hope i can get a closer look at him soon.
sheila got eleven teeth pulled on friday. i thought she'd be knocked out on vicodin all weekend, but no! we went to the k-wings game on friday night. it was a pretty good game, went into overtime, and then into a shoot-out. we wound up losing, but it was only preseason, and it was still fun. even on vicodin, sheila barely gets drowsy. and the pain has been pretty manageable for her, so that's good too.
i did 2 loads of laundry today. would have been 4, but i let one of our neighbors cut in. i can finish tomorrow. i went through all my clothes and put a bunch of stuff in a bag for goodwill, then rearranged everything, including my underwear drawer! i did the semi-annual throwoutthesinglesocks ritual. and i made room for charlies ever-expanding wardrobe in my dresser. he's got half a drawer of his own now.
i miss my syd :(