(no subject)
i fucking hate my life. and here is why...
i opended up all my bills today. i am a fucking idiot. i am about $700 in debt. all the cash i have to my name right now... is $12. i get paid every 2 weeks. from now on, my paycheck wont be that big, because im not working full days cuz of classes. my paychecks for the next month or so, are already spent, for these fucking bills. basiclly, im fucking broke for the next few months till i can straighten myself out.
i just checked my school schedual. not only did i realize that i had a class this morning that i completley forgot about, but.. my chemistry class tonight (on a friday night, nice.) doesnt go till 7pm like i thought, it goes to 8:30pm. goodbye friday nights.
my family is falling apart. i HATE my father. as horrible as it sounds... he could die, and i dont think i would care. he treats us like shit. he gives us no money, no help, nothing. but... he does constantly remind my mother that the house and property is in his name, so if we leave him, we get absolustly nothing, including no place to live. nice.
my boyfriend is better off without me. im like a fucking mental case latley. i try to stop him from doing things he wants to do, cuz im "looking out for him", and thats not right. im sorry les...
plus, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, but ive been having these... violent mood swings. someone will piss me off (mostly my dad) and ill need to hit something. my dad and i were screaming at eachother yesterday, u could def. hear it outside. he got me so mad, and i came inches away from trying to punch him in the face. when i get upset now, i start punching walls and stuff. this scares the shit out of me. when i get upset, i dont even think "hey, punch the wall, u'll feel better", i just... do it. no thought goes into it. its just an imidiate physical reaction. my mom says its cuz i havent been taking my thyroid medication. i dunno what it is, but it scares me.
everything seems to be falling apart at once. i feel so alone. i feel so.. poor. i dont even have enough money to put gas in my car. not like my family has any money either. i cant belive i let all this stuff happen to me, i feel so stupid...
i always bitch about how i dont feel like a regular 19 year old kid. this is why. while all my friends are out partying and meeting new people and having an awesome time at college... with not a worry in the world, cuz mommy and daddy pay for everything while theyre at school, im struggling my ass off, and starting off probably the worst few years of my life, with not even my family to help me.
i cant deal with this shit anymore...
i opended up all my bills today. i am a fucking idiot. i am about $700 in debt. all the cash i have to my name right now... is $12. i get paid every 2 weeks. from now on, my paycheck wont be that big, because im not working full days cuz of classes. my paychecks for the next month or so, are already spent, for these fucking bills. basiclly, im fucking broke for the next few months till i can straighten myself out.
i just checked my school schedual. not only did i realize that i had a class this morning that i completley forgot about, but.. my chemistry class tonight (on a friday night, nice.) doesnt go till 7pm like i thought, it goes to 8:30pm. goodbye friday nights.
my family is falling apart. i HATE my father. as horrible as it sounds... he could die, and i dont think i would care. he treats us like shit. he gives us no money, no help, nothing. but... he does constantly remind my mother that the house and property is in his name, so if we leave him, we get absolustly nothing, including no place to live. nice.
my boyfriend is better off without me. im like a fucking mental case latley. i try to stop him from doing things he wants to do, cuz im "looking out for him", and thats not right. im sorry les...
plus, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, but ive been having these... violent mood swings. someone will piss me off (mostly my dad) and ill need to hit something. my dad and i were screaming at eachother yesterday, u could def. hear it outside. he got me so mad, and i came inches away from trying to punch him in the face. when i get upset now, i start punching walls and stuff. this scares the shit out of me. when i get upset, i dont even think "hey, punch the wall, u'll feel better", i just... do it. no thought goes into it. its just an imidiate physical reaction. my mom says its cuz i havent been taking my thyroid medication. i dunno what it is, but it scares me.
everything seems to be falling apart at once. i feel so alone. i feel so.. poor. i dont even have enough money to put gas in my car. not like my family has any money either. i cant belive i let all this stuff happen to me, i feel so stupid...
i always bitch about how i dont feel like a regular 19 year old kid. this is why. while all my friends are out partying and meeting new people and having an awesome time at college... with not a worry in the world, cuz mommy and daddy pay for everything while theyre at school, im struggling my ass off, and starting off probably the worst few years of my life, with not even my family to help me.
i cant deal with this shit anymore...