The Non-Metaphorical Test
Starting in third grade students learn that in order to be considered successful, they must pass a completely non-stressful three day long test at the end each year. This test that I speak of can best be compared to a top secret document that even Wiki Leaks cannot air.
See the rules are quite strict in what they depict. No one can preview “The Test” in advance. No one can be left alone with “The Test” in their hands. And before “The Test” ever exists in your presence you must sign your life away in waivers and consents.
Above all else you must remember that common sense in this instance is now past tense. A “Regulator” (dressed in black) ensures that all test demands are met, walkie-talkie-ing potential security threats.
“Test Day” procedures are endless and address things ranging from bathroom breaks to sneezes (you are encouraged to refrain from eithers). Really and truly, the list goes on but I must not detail any more to the public for fear of a breach in ridiculocity.
Three days of number two penciling and bubbbbling with demands that left everyone wondering…how? My school had no choice but to decide that in order to comply with No Child Left Behind, students in grades k-2 must do like ET and get the hell home. After all, those students can be left behind for just a few days as the rest of the school bubbles and prays. Because at the end of the day learning to add, subtract, read, and write isn’t as important as winning the testing fight.
See the rules are quite strict in what they depict. No one can preview “The Test” in advance. No one can be left alone with “The Test” in their hands. And before “The Test” ever exists in your presence you must sign your life away in waivers and consents.
Above all else you must remember that common sense in this instance is now past tense. A “Regulator” (dressed in black) ensures that all test demands are met, walkie-talkie-ing potential security threats.
“Test Day” procedures are endless and address things ranging from bathroom breaks to sneezes (you are encouraged to refrain from eithers). Really and truly, the list goes on but I must not detail any more to the public for fear of a breach in ridiculocity.
Three days of number two penciling and bubbbbling with demands that left everyone wondering…how? My school had no choice but to decide that in order to comply with No Child Left Behind, students in grades k-2 must do like ET and get the hell home. After all, those students can be left behind for just a few days as the rest of the school bubbles and prays. Because at the end of the day learning to add, subtract, read, and write isn’t as important as winning the testing fight.