Amends Part Three
“I was being chased by some rather merciless beings, as ever,” joked the Doctor. “They have many names. The one which would mean the most to you is ‘Pirates’. They somehow disabled the TARDIS. She couldn’t cope and we fell through the vortex.”
Jack shivered against the cold as he and the Doctor braved the bay, the lights of the plass gleaming behind them. The Doctor had awoken two hours ago as if from a good sleep, and after some initial confusion settled for a cup of tea and the promise of some fresh air.
He now frowned and looked out across the bay. “Came through the rift. Crash landing. Pure chance.” He grinned. “I owe you my life again, Captain.” His eyes betrayed some remorse.
“Happy to help,” said Jack with a grin. “Always here for your unceremonious crash landings!”
“Yeah. I’m thinking I should give that up,” said the Doctor, running a hand through his hair. “Too much loss of dignity.”
Jack laughed. “Yeah. Can’t have that. I can handle anything as long as I look good while I’m doing it,” he happily declared.
“You and your vanity,” chided the Doctor.
“I told you, I can’t help it,” beamed Jack. “Once a poster boy, always a poster boy...”
The Doctor stilled. “What was your name again?” he asked casually.
“The Face of Boe,” announced Jack, proudly. “One of my favourite names. Maybe I should go back to..”
He fell silent as he realised the Doctor was looking at him with dark, sincere eyes. Tears glistened, but he smiled.
“What?” breathed Jack, unnerved. The Doctor said nothing.
“You know something I don’t?”
Still the Doctor said nothing.
“Doctor! What happens to me?” Jack tried to keep the panic out of his voice.
The Doctor took a deep a breath. “You survive,” he told him, his throat dry. He gave Jack a reassuring smile.
Jack was pale.
“Well,” said the Doctor characteristically. “You do a lot more than that. From what I’ve heard.”
They began to walk again.
“I’m like this forever,” croaked Jack.
“No,” said the Doctor firmly, eyes dark again. Jack stared at him, eyes wide.
“Doctor, I...” His voice was breaking. The Doctor’s two hearts skipped a beat and he took Jack in his arms, holding him as tight as he could. Jack cried into his Doctor as his one heart crumbled. His head ached with the cold reality of his existence, the profound unknown, the searing loneliness. There was nothing but the sound of Jack’s anguish and the sea winds whipping around them, their long coats dancing together.
Back in the hub, Ianto felt himself turn to stone.
It was such a cold wind that morning. Shivering, Jack pulled back from the Doctor’s embrace and wiped his tears away. The Doctor studied him with concern, stroking his hair. Where Jack was now broken, the Doctor was solid, physically the only thing keeping Jack standing as he held him by the arms.
“I’m here,” he said at last. “And I’m so sorry.”
Jack looked at him. Hurt and haunted eyes met each other. The Doctor’s gaze turned from tortured to kind in an instant as he tenderly brushed away another of Jack’s tears. Jack watched as the Doctor’s own tears threatened to escape those centuries old eyes. They held on to each other. Then, as if a shadow crossed him, the Doctor gave in, and a solitary tear slid down his cheek.
Jack mirrored the Doctor’s ministrations, both crying now, everything being said without being said. They no longer felt the cold. But they knew the darkness and the silence and that there was only them.
Jack finally spoke, his voice weak.
“When this is all gone, there will still be you and there will still be me,” he pondered.
“You’d think that would make us stick together,” answered the Doctor, mournfully.
“It’s enough just to know you’re there,” sniffed Jack with a smile.
“I’m not your dad. You can’t just pop home with your dirty laundry at weekends,” scowled the Doctor.
“I didn’t say I was your son,” snapped Jack, quite hurt.
The Doctor sighed and looked out over the bay again. “Oh but if you were... I’d be the proudest father in the Universe.”
Jack’s face crumpled and he turned away before breathing deeply. “I hope... I always hope I’ve done you proud.”
“That and so much more,” said the Doctor, still staring out to sea. “You big old face.”
“Huh?” questioned Jack.
“Nothing,” shrugged the Doctor, giving Jack a warm smile. “It’s more than enough for me, knowing you’re there. Defending the Earth, just like ... my children of time.” He cleared his throat.
“I’m not your son, remember,” said Jack, bitchily.
“Yeah you are.” The Doctor put his arm around Jack as they both watched the moonlight dance on the water. Jack felt his heart swell. Then he frowned.
“Does that mean you’re never gonna kiss me?”
“Stop it,” warned the Doctor with a glare.
“Sorry. Had to be said,” giggled Jack.
“I shall send you back to your boyfriend with a note telling him you’ve been misbehaving.” The Doctor smiled wickedly.
“Oh no, please don’t, I’d be in so much trouble!” laughed Jack, skipping alongside the Doctor.
The Doctor shook his head. “Good grief. You’re incorrigible. Come on. Back to the hub. I’m freezing.”
“Yes, Sir,” complied Jack, so much lighter now.
They walked for a few minutes in silence before the Doctor paused.
“I’ve met many strange, strange creatures in my time, Jack. But you... you’re...”
“Wrong?” suggested Jack,.
“No,” answered the Doctor quickly. “God, no. Jack, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re the one with two hearts, you big freak.” Jack looked like he was enjoying himself.
“Yep,” conceded the Doctor. “We’re all strange and wonderful.”
“So you’re over your prejudice now?”
The Doctor said nothing but looked away and resumed walking, the January cold spurring them on.
Jack bit his lip. “What about Rose? Did she know about me? What she did?”
“I tried to explain. She knew you survived.” He looked down at his feet. “I told her I dropped you off somewhere.”
“Nice,” said Jack, bitterly. The Doctor nodded, shame etched on his face.
“You left her, didn’t you? Took her back to that other world with that other you?”
“Yeah.” The Doctor seemed painfully distant. Jack put a hand on his shoulder and stood him still for a moment before kissing him on the cheek.
“That was incredible of you,” he said seriously. “I’ve learned so much from you. You’re a beautiful example to me.”
The Doctor shrugged. “Well,” he said. “You haven’t tried to kiss me so you must be learning decency from somewhere.”
Jack was still laughing as they entered the Hub. Though his laughter came to an abrupt halt when he saw the expression on Ianto’s face.
*************************
Jack realised immediately that Ianto must have woken up, found the hub empty and since been watching them on CCTV. He then realised that to an observer of the CCTV, his walk with the Doctor would have appeared substantially intimate. He then realised he was in trouble. The Doctor merely pretended to be interested in the interior decor of the hub and shifted on his feet.
Before Jack could say anything, however, Ianto opened his mouth to speak.
“PM called,” he said simply.
“Right-o!” said Jack cheerfully, and bounded up the stairs to his office as quickly as he could.
The Doctor smiled broadly at Ianto. It was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, however, which instead glimmered with trepidation.
“Nice chat?” asked Ianto with a steely glare.
“Yes,” said the Doctor, unable to breathe in. He tried to apologise with his eyes.
“You did this to him,” said Ianto, anger rising. “You did this.”
There was an awful silence. Myfanwy swooped ominously above them. The Doctor found his voice again.
“He’ll be Okay,” he said with assurance.
“No thanks to you,” glowered Ianto. “He’s cursed with out-living us all. Everyone.”
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “You in particular.”
Ianto turned to walk away.
“He never stops loving you,” called the Doctor. “Not ever.”
Ianto froze. Then turned back.
“You would know, wouldn’t you,” he spat. “Bloody Lord of Time.”
“That’s right,” said the Doctor, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
Ianto fought back the tears and anger threatening to engulf him.
“Would you like to see?” asked the Doctor, an edge to his voice. Ianto blinked.
“See what?” he whispered, frightened to hear the answer.
“Jack,” replied the Doctor in a low tone. “In the future.”
Ianto stared in disbelief. He shook himself out of his reverie and looked up at Jack’s office. He was still on the phone.
“He wouldn’t know,” continued the Time Lord. I can bring you back to this moment.” The Doctor’s voice was lulling him. “Let me show you, Ianto.”
Ianto felt himself tremble with temptation and guilt. “I can’t,” said Ianto in a soft whisper.
“Okay,” chirped the Doctor before turning to leave. But then he looked back, face dark and serious. Ianto quivered.
“Come with me. Come on.” It was a gentle order. Ianto felt hot tears slide down his face with the shame of what he was about to do. A beat later, he was following the Doctor into the TARDIS.
Jack tried to sound calm and controlled as he relayed his explanation for the dramatic rift activity to the Prime Minister. But as he heard the TARDIS de-materialise, his heart began to pound and his head swam. He felt all the air go out of the room.
Jack shivered against the cold as he and the Doctor braved the bay, the lights of the plass gleaming behind them. The Doctor had awoken two hours ago as if from a good sleep, and after some initial confusion settled for a cup of tea and the promise of some fresh air.
He now frowned and looked out across the bay. “Came through the rift. Crash landing. Pure chance.” He grinned. “I owe you my life again, Captain.” His eyes betrayed some remorse.
“Happy to help,” said Jack with a grin. “Always here for your unceremonious crash landings!”
“Yeah. I’m thinking I should give that up,” said the Doctor, running a hand through his hair. “Too much loss of dignity.”
Jack laughed. “Yeah. Can’t have that. I can handle anything as long as I look good while I’m doing it,” he happily declared.
“You and your vanity,” chided the Doctor.
“I told you, I can’t help it,” beamed Jack. “Once a poster boy, always a poster boy...”
The Doctor stilled. “What was your name again?” he asked casually.
“The Face of Boe,” announced Jack, proudly. “One of my favourite names. Maybe I should go back to..”
He fell silent as he realised the Doctor was looking at him with dark, sincere eyes. Tears glistened, but he smiled.
“What?” breathed Jack, unnerved. The Doctor said nothing.
“You know something I don’t?”
Still the Doctor said nothing.
“Doctor! What happens to me?” Jack tried to keep the panic out of his voice.
The Doctor took a deep a breath. “You survive,” he told him, his throat dry. He gave Jack a reassuring smile.
Jack was pale.
“Well,” said the Doctor characteristically. “You do a lot more than that. From what I’ve heard.”
They began to walk again.
“I’m like this forever,” croaked Jack.
“No,” said the Doctor firmly, eyes dark again. Jack stared at him, eyes wide.
“Doctor, I...” His voice was breaking. The Doctor’s two hearts skipped a beat and he took Jack in his arms, holding him as tight as he could. Jack cried into his Doctor as his one heart crumbled. His head ached with the cold reality of his existence, the profound unknown, the searing loneliness. There was nothing but the sound of Jack’s anguish and the sea winds whipping around them, their long coats dancing together.
Back in the hub, Ianto felt himself turn to stone.
It was such a cold wind that morning. Shivering, Jack pulled back from the Doctor’s embrace and wiped his tears away. The Doctor studied him with concern, stroking his hair. Where Jack was now broken, the Doctor was solid, physically the only thing keeping Jack standing as he held him by the arms.
“I’m here,” he said at last. “And I’m so sorry.”
Jack looked at him. Hurt and haunted eyes met each other. The Doctor’s gaze turned from tortured to kind in an instant as he tenderly brushed away another of Jack’s tears. Jack watched as the Doctor’s own tears threatened to escape those centuries old eyes. They held on to each other. Then, as if a shadow crossed him, the Doctor gave in, and a solitary tear slid down his cheek.
Jack mirrored the Doctor’s ministrations, both crying now, everything being said without being said. They no longer felt the cold. But they knew the darkness and the silence and that there was only them.
Jack finally spoke, his voice weak.
“When this is all gone, there will still be you and there will still be me,” he pondered.
“You’d think that would make us stick together,” answered the Doctor, mournfully.
“It’s enough just to know you’re there,” sniffed Jack with a smile.
“I’m not your dad. You can’t just pop home with your dirty laundry at weekends,” scowled the Doctor.
“I didn’t say I was your son,” snapped Jack, quite hurt.
The Doctor sighed and looked out over the bay again. “Oh but if you were... I’d be the proudest father in the Universe.”
Jack’s face crumpled and he turned away before breathing deeply. “I hope... I always hope I’ve done you proud.”
“That and so much more,” said the Doctor, still staring out to sea. “You big old face.”
“Huh?” questioned Jack.
“Nothing,” shrugged the Doctor, giving Jack a warm smile. “It’s more than enough for me, knowing you’re there. Defending the Earth, just like ... my children of time.” He cleared his throat.
“I’m not your son, remember,” said Jack, bitchily.
“Yeah you are.” The Doctor put his arm around Jack as they both watched the moonlight dance on the water. Jack felt his heart swell. Then he frowned.
“Does that mean you’re never gonna kiss me?”
“Stop it,” warned the Doctor with a glare.
“Sorry. Had to be said,” giggled Jack.
“I shall send you back to your boyfriend with a note telling him you’ve been misbehaving.” The Doctor smiled wickedly.
“Oh no, please don’t, I’d be in so much trouble!” laughed Jack, skipping alongside the Doctor.
The Doctor shook his head. “Good grief. You’re incorrigible. Come on. Back to the hub. I’m freezing.”
“Yes, Sir,” complied Jack, so much lighter now.
They walked for a few minutes in silence before the Doctor paused.
“I’ve met many strange, strange creatures in my time, Jack. But you... you’re...”
“Wrong?” suggested Jack,.
“No,” answered the Doctor quickly. “God, no. Jack, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re the one with two hearts, you big freak.” Jack looked like he was enjoying himself.
“Yep,” conceded the Doctor. “We’re all strange and wonderful.”
“So you’re over your prejudice now?”
The Doctor said nothing but looked away and resumed walking, the January cold spurring them on.
Jack bit his lip. “What about Rose? Did she know about me? What she did?”
“I tried to explain. She knew you survived.” He looked down at his feet. “I told her I dropped you off somewhere.”
“Nice,” said Jack, bitterly. The Doctor nodded, shame etched on his face.
“You left her, didn’t you? Took her back to that other world with that other you?”
“Yeah.” The Doctor seemed painfully distant. Jack put a hand on his shoulder and stood him still for a moment before kissing him on the cheek.
“That was incredible of you,” he said seriously. “I’ve learned so much from you. You’re a beautiful example to me.”
The Doctor shrugged. “Well,” he said. “You haven’t tried to kiss me so you must be learning decency from somewhere.”
Jack was still laughing as they entered the Hub. Though his laughter came to an abrupt halt when he saw the expression on Ianto’s face.
*************************
Jack realised immediately that Ianto must have woken up, found the hub empty and since been watching them on CCTV. He then realised that to an observer of the CCTV, his walk with the Doctor would have appeared substantially intimate. He then realised he was in trouble. The Doctor merely pretended to be interested in the interior decor of the hub and shifted on his feet.
Before Jack could say anything, however, Ianto opened his mouth to speak.
“PM called,” he said simply.
“Right-o!” said Jack cheerfully, and bounded up the stairs to his office as quickly as he could.
The Doctor smiled broadly at Ianto. It was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, however, which instead glimmered with trepidation.
“Nice chat?” asked Ianto with a steely glare.
“Yes,” said the Doctor, unable to breathe in. He tried to apologise with his eyes.
“You did this to him,” said Ianto, anger rising. “You did this.”
There was an awful silence. Myfanwy swooped ominously above them. The Doctor found his voice again.
“He’ll be Okay,” he said with assurance.
“No thanks to you,” glowered Ianto. “He’s cursed with out-living us all. Everyone.”
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “You in particular.”
Ianto turned to walk away.
“He never stops loving you,” called the Doctor. “Not ever.”
Ianto froze. Then turned back.
“You would know, wouldn’t you,” he spat. “Bloody Lord of Time.”
“That’s right,” said the Doctor, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
Ianto fought back the tears and anger threatening to engulf him.
“Would you like to see?” asked the Doctor, an edge to his voice. Ianto blinked.
“See what?” he whispered, frightened to hear the answer.
“Jack,” replied the Doctor in a low tone. “In the future.”
Ianto stared in disbelief. He shook himself out of his reverie and looked up at Jack’s office. He was still on the phone.
“He wouldn’t know,” continued the Time Lord. I can bring you back to this moment.” The Doctor’s voice was lulling him. “Let me show you, Ianto.”
Ianto felt himself tremble with temptation and guilt. “I can’t,” said Ianto in a soft whisper.
“Okay,” chirped the Doctor before turning to leave. But then he looked back, face dark and serious. Ianto quivered.
“Come with me. Come on.” It was a gentle order. Ianto felt hot tears slide down his face with the shame of what he was about to do. A beat later, he was following the Doctor into the TARDIS.
Jack tried to sound calm and controlled as he relayed his explanation for the dramatic rift activity to the Prime Minister. But as he heard the TARDIS de-materialise, his heart began to pound and his head swam. He felt all the air go out of the room.