Rainy Day
Gah, I suck at keeping this up... I did write a little something this week, though, so here we go:
Rainy Day
It's on a cold, dreary Sunday afternoon that she first realises how far away she's come from everything she thought she'd be, everything she had pictured. It all clicks together in a sudden, startling moment of clarity, and she stares out of the window, no longer really seeing the front yard or the rain softly covering the world outside even though it was all she could think about a minute ago. The rain finally clearing the heavy summer air a bit, finally giving the plants on the ground the water they need.
She has never before felt lonely here in her little house, filled only with the furniture she likes, the small trinkets and memories only she wants to keep, but it's more or less inevitable now. The feeling is heavy and too familiar, and she can't help but think of how she, when she first moved here, thought she wouldn't have been able to avoid it. She was left surprised at first when contentedness never faded and never was replaced with anything else. In the end, she supposes she simply got used to it and stopped wondering if the life she has now could really be enough.
A soft scratch on the front door lets her know that the cat wants to be let in from the rain. She absentmindedly walks through the small hallway to open the door, and an indignant meow greets her as the cat hurries inside to find the warmth it wants. The cold air from the world outside brings with it the unmistakeable smell of summer rain, and before she knows it she's out of the door, her shoes almost instantly soaked by the puddle gathering in front of the steps and then by the wet lawn. Stopping in the middle of the lawn she doesn't really see the houses in front of her, barely remembers that her neighbours are all inside in the warm comfort just as she was a minute ago. The raindrops are heavy on her skin, making her hair flat and heavy against her head, and she turns her face towards the sky to stare at the clouds hanging low over the small houses of the town.
Slowly she spins around in a circle, watching the sky turning over her head and resisting the urge to lift her arms and spin faster. It doesn't matter anymore if anyone sees her, anyone driving by on the street or even any of the neighbours. She has no idea why, but she just doesn't care about it anymore. Coming here was a fresh start, a way to get rid of all those years of having to hide who she really was and never realising that it was simply a new way to hide, a new set of lies and denials. The cordial relationships with everyone around her have been no better than the destruction of the ones in her past, and it's only now she can see how nothing has really changed except for how it looks on the outside. It should break her to now know how little she has moved, it should make her weep with exhaustion to know that the past many years have been no better than the ones she was trying to escape from, but the only water on her face is the rain and she starts laughing instead. She feels more free than ever before. For the first time in a long time, or maybe ever, she no longer feels the need to pretend. Maybe now she can truly begin to build her life.
She feels genuinely happier than she ever has.
Rainy Day
It's on a cold, dreary Sunday afternoon that she first realises how far away she's come from everything she thought she'd be, everything she had pictured. It all clicks together in a sudden, startling moment of clarity, and she stares out of the window, no longer really seeing the front yard or the rain softly covering the world outside even though it was all she could think about a minute ago. The rain finally clearing the heavy summer air a bit, finally giving the plants on the ground the water they need.
She has never before felt lonely here in her little house, filled only with the furniture she likes, the small trinkets and memories only she wants to keep, but it's more or less inevitable now. The feeling is heavy and too familiar, and she can't help but think of how she, when she first moved here, thought she wouldn't have been able to avoid it. She was left surprised at first when contentedness never faded and never was replaced with anything else. In the end, she supposes she simply got used to it and stopped wondering if the life she has now could really be enough.
A soft scratch on the front door lets her know that the cat wants to be let in from the rain. She absentmindedly walks through the small hallway to open the door, and an indignant meow greets her as the cat hurries inside to find the warmth it wants. The cold air from the world outside brings with it the unmistakeable smell of summer rain, and before she knows it she's out of the door, her shoes almost instantly soaked by the puddle gathering in front of the steps and then by the wet lawn. Stopping in the middle of the lawn she doesn't really see the houses in front of her, barely remembers that her neighbours are all inside in the warm comfort just as she was a minute ago. The raindrops are heavy on her skin, making her hair flat and heavy against her head, and she turns her face towards the sky to stare at the clouds hanging low over the small houses of the town.
Slowly she spins around in a circle, watching the sky turning over her head and resisting the urge to lift her arms and spin faster. It doesn't matter anymore if anyone sees her, anyone driving by on the street or even any of the neighbours. She has no idea why, but she just doesn't care about it anymore. Coming here was a fresh start, a way to get rid of all those years of having to hide who she really was and never realising that it was simply a new way to hide, a new set of lies and denials. The cordial relationships with everyone around her have been no better than the destruction of the ones in her past, and it's only now she can see how nothing has really changed except for how it looks on the outside. It should break her to now know how little she has moved, it should make her weep with exhaustion to know that the past many years have been no better than the ones she was trying to escape from, but the only water on her face is the rain and she starts laughing instead. She feels more free than ever before. For the first time in a long time, or maybe ever, she no longer feels the need to pretend. Maybe now she can truly begin to build her life.
She feels genuinely happier than she ever has.