He takes men out of time and makes them feel eternity - ralph waldo emerson

[secrettalents]

Three days in the land of Avalon, three days of death for Emrys

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[Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

Children show grief in strange ways. While Tarrwyn doesn't understand what death really is, except for going away and not coming back, there are certain signs that some of the maids are noticing in the Lady Morgana's wards. The elder has been nearly as ghostly as her guardian: quietly wandering the palace, sometimes with the former apprentice. She sleeps more as well, perhaps explaining the ability of the younger ward

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

It is in the hallway that he spots the young girl. The first real signs that his memory comes back kick in, and Merlin smiles at Tarrwyn.

"You're awake early, sweetheart." The reaction of the maid is not something to be missed. But it is not one of Merlin's concerns at the moment.

"And I'm sure you're not supposed to be wandering without Morgana' permission."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

Another sign that Tarrwyn was beginning to understand Merlin wasn't coming back (though she was feeling abandoned, more than comprehending death) is the gasp of surprise she gives when she hears the familiar voice. Turning on her heel, she looks at her guardian, all large eyes, and upset.

Clearly, this upset must be explained. "You went away before I was awake. I don't want to miss anyone else." The hurt from the abandonment comes through in spades.

But she usually isn't a disobedient girl. "I'll go back for breakfast. I promise."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

Given enough time and she would have likely understood the concept more. However, the idea that anything involving Merlin was done in the usual ways is a bit laughable now.

He kneels down and offers his hand to the girl. "I am sorry, little one. I had to go, but now I am home."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

Of all the children in the palace, only Warren and Carys truly understood what's been going on, and the full ramifications. It would have taken quite a while for Tarrwyn to come to the same level of understanding, which, in a way, is a blessing for her. On the other hand, it's been upsetting for both Morgana and Carys when Tarrwyn asks when Merlin's coming back.

"Why didn't you wait for me to say goodbye. I would've said goodbye," she insists.

And there's a greater crime in all this. "You made Carys cry." Tarrwyn's not seen her sister this upset since Neb in the fall, and, frankly, she barely remembers that.

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

"There isn't always time for goodbyes." The only two he'd been able to manage were to Arthur and Morgana.

Merlin does feel sorrow for those that have dealt with his loss keenly, and he will seek everyone out by turn. "I will speak with her later today, sweetheart."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

"No," Tarrwyn insists. It is very important to her that Merlin understand this, so that he won't do it again. "You say goodbye. You don't leave and make everybody think you're not coming back." Fortunately, being a child, means adjusting quickly, even though this child doesn't like her routine upset. Having Merlin gone upset her routine, but though she doesn't understand it, having him back is a relief as things will go back to normal.

For instance, something normal: Tarrwyn steps forward but doesn't take the offered hand. Instead, she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a hug. Since he was so rude as to leave without saying goodbye, he'd better expect he's not getting away without giving her a proper greeting.

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

There is little point in arguing with a child over this. Merlin instead, accept the hug gladly and wraps his arms around Tarrwyn with fondness.

"I think it is time for you to return to your room, Tarrwyn." The maid is long gone, and Merlin cannot linger here when he has so many people to see. "I will walk you back."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

"Don't do that again," she scolds into his shoulder. She's not going to forget this. In the next few months, he'd better expect a little girl's mind to feel the need to find him, just to make sure he hasn't tried sneaking off again. It'll be a remnant of something large and upsetting she doesn't quite understand.

"Will you eat breakfast with us?" That's another part of her routine she misses. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms yesterday when they came with breakfast. She decided to save them for someone who didn't turn up. It was a moment, not of magic, but of magical thinking -- that if she saved something he liked, he'd come back.

When he stands up, he's going to see a look of expectation, and a pair of raised arms. She fully expects him to carry her, to partially make up for his leaving so abruptly.

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

"Not today, I'm afraid." He will have too many people to see before he can think about settling down into routine once more.

Merlin picks the little girl up easily. He can't help but smile at the fact that she doesn't understand what has happened, and likely will not see him any different than what he's been before.

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

Well, they'll be a little harumph from Tarrwyn. She would like things to go back to normal as quickly as possible.

"Tomorrow?"

There won't be much of a difference, other than looking for Merlin every once in a while to make sure he's still here.

"I'll share my mushrooms with you." Her head settles down on his shoulder. "I'm glad you're home."

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

"Yes, tomorrow." He promises with a kiss to her cheek. The offer of mushrooms is endearing and Merlin is almost reluctant to set her down when they reach the door.

"It's good to be home." Merlin musses her hair a little and smiles.

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[notsmallcarys]

Children have odd ways of thinking. His younger ward thinks saving mushrooms means someone will come back from the dead. She's believed all along that Merlin would come back and insisted as such. They also don't understand politics, and grudges, and war. Everything that affects them, they assume is personal.

So as Tarrwyn opens the door to her chamber (where Merlin might spot Carys, sound asleep, curled up in the bed nearest the door, the girls continuing to share the one) she chews her lips before asking, "You didn't leave because you don't like us any more? Because I love you."

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knows it's important to say,

Re: [Merlin and Tarrwyn]

[secrettalents]

"It was not my choice to leave, sweetheart. I came back because I love you as well."

He kisses the top of her head once more. Then quietly begins to walk down the corridor, he will speak with Carys much later and leaves her to rest now.