2 Bingo Fills
Title: Death and Taxes
Prompt: Deductions
Medium: fic
Wordcount: 1034
Rating: PG (swearwords. Well, one swear word, repeated)
Summary: Ruby hasn't paid her Storybrooke taxes in 5 years. That's not that bad, right?
Ruby Lucas was not an idiot. And despite tops that came down to there and skirts that went all the way up to here, she was not a floozy. Ruby was a strong, smart, resourceful person. Except for... that.
She rolled her eyes and grunted as her grandmother shoved an envelope into her hand.
"They're going to sue you," Granny said, somehow condescending and concerned in the same breath.
"They are not," Ruby muttered under her breath, shoving the envelope in her pocket and picking up a tray. She bustled around the diner, smiling and chatting, but the little package in her apron pocket kept drawing her attention. Avoidance had worked so far, but something about this envelope seemed kind of serious, and as soon as managed to take her break, Ruby slipped into the alleyway behind the diner and retrieved it. "City of Storybrooke" was printed in bold letters on the top left corner, and Ruby took a deep breath as she opened it.
...And let out a sigh of semi-relief. Sure, she hadn't paid her city taxes in five years, but they weren't suing her. At least not yet, though this letter was the strongest-worded one to date. It wasn't as if she was opposed to paying her taxes- she never failed to pay her state and federal taxes- but the stupid city... She could file the other taxes online with the idiot-proof, fill-in-the-numbers-and-click-send websites, but backwards Storybrooke still used the stupid, complicated, no-way-can-I-possibly-do-this, fill-out-and-mail-back forms.
Ruby had never liked not being able to do things, and her first year trying to work out the Storybrooke city tax form had resulted in tears, a headache, a trip to the ice cream parlor, and a ripped-up return. Not necessarily in that order. She had worked on the stupid thing up until the very last minute, and without anything acceptable to mail back, she had simply let it pass and hoped for the best. Every year it had gotten easier to simply ignore the fact that she was, in fact, supposed to be filing city taxes. Until, of course, the city had started sending her threatening letters.
Leaning her head back against the brick wall of the diner, Ruby closed her eyes and growled. Looked like the weekend off she'd been lobbying for for... well, kind of forever, would be spent locked in her room, chewing on pencils until they broke, swearing at her calculator, and wondering if the city would be okay with her just writing down some numbers and praying for the best.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," she chanted under her breath.
"Ruby? Are you all right?" Shocked back to reality, Ruby's eyes snapped open, and she turned to find the owner of the voice.
"Archie!" she cried, dramatically clutching her chest even as she smiled at him. "You scared me." The psychiatrist bashfully glanced down at his feet, nervously twirling his umbrella, its metal tip making tiny circles on the pavement. Ruby had always had a bit of a soft spot for Archie. Unlike most guys she knew, he was exceedingly nice. Not just civil or polite... there was some kind of inherent goodness in him. He was the kind of person who probably never even thought an unkind thought about another person. He had never once looked down on her for all her provocative clothing or her wild persona, and she had never- not even one time caught him looking anywhere but straight in her eyes when the two of them were talking. Even Mr. Gold's eyes wandered down every once in a while, and everyone knew he hated everyone.
"I'm sorry," Archie apologized, looking a bit flustered. "It's just... you looked... overwhelmed." He smiled as Ruby snorted. She fiddled with the paper in her hands and moved closer to the doctor.
"You could say that. Did you know that, apparently, the city of Storybrooke doesn't get really pissed off until you skip five years of taxes?" she asked with an amused smile and a cocked eyebrow.
"Wait... five... You haven't paid taxes in five years?" Archie, it seemed, was less amused than she by the situation. In fact he looked downright nauseous, and Ruby was slightly cowed.
"I just can't figure it out," she explained, a little embarrassed. "I don't like things beating me, so I gave up." It sounded silly to her now, actually talking it out.
"So what are you going to do?" asked Archie. Ruby shrugged and grimaced.
"What can I do? Lock myself in my room, stare at numbers until I cry, curl up in a ball, have a nervous breakdown, get carted off to your office...” She finished with a little self-deprecating laugh and was surprised to see Archie smiling back at her. Why had she never had a longer conversation with him? It was kind of his job to make people feel better, but she'd never really had occasion to visit him in a professional capacity. Well, his profession at least. She could hardly count the number of times she'd poured his coffee and brought him a slice of Granny's world famous cherry pie (trade secret: Ruby had been in charge of baking "Granny's" pies for over ten years now).
"Well," Archie began slowly, a shy smile on his lips, "why don't you skip a couple of those steps and just start by coming to my office? I could help you with your taxes." His face was nothing but open and honest, and Ruby's eyes grew excitedly.
"Really? You would do that for me?" At Archie's matter-of-fact little nod, sweet smile still intact, Ruby threw herself into his arms. The doctor was stiff at first, taken aback by her bold familiarity, but it took little time for him to melt into the embrace. She pulled away but kept hold of his forearms as she jumped up and down. "Oh, thank you, Archie! You're saving my skin and my weekend!" She beamed up at him, and he had no choice but to smile back.
Prompt: Crossover: Comedy
Medium: Icons of Once Upon A Time with quotes from 30 Rock (which I had way too much fun collecting, btw). My current icon is a preview.
001
002
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005
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009
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011
Table generated using angelamaria's Icon Table Generator.
Icons by their own makers.
May I please have a "crossover: comedy" tag? And am I missing it or do we not have a Regina/Graham pairing tag? I'm totally lost when things end up in ship names, so if I'm just missing it, please let me know!
Prompt: Deductions
Medium: fic
Wordcount: 1034
Rating: PG (swearwords. Well, one swear word, repeated)
Summary: Ruby hasn't paid her Storybrooke taxes in 5 years. That's not that bad, right?
Ruby Lucas was not an idiot. And despite tops that came down to there and skirts that went all the way up to here, she was not a floozy. Ruby was a strong, smart, resourceful person. Except for... that.
She rolled her eyes and grunted as her grandmother shoved an envelope into her hand.
"They're going to sue you," Granny said, somehow condescending and concerned in the same breath.
"They are not," Ruby muttered under her breath, shoving the envelope in her pocket and picking up a tray. She bustled around the diner, smiling and chatting, but the little package in her apron pocket kept drawing her attention. Avoidance had worked so far, but something about this envelope seemed kind of serious, and as soon as managed to take her break, Ruby slipped into the alleyway behind the diner and retrieved it. "City of Storybrooke" was printed in bold letters on the top left corner, and Ruby took a deep breath as she opened it.
...And let out a sigh of semi-relief. Sure, she hadn't paid her city taxes in five years, but they weren't suing her. At least not yet, though this letter was the strongest-worded one to date. It wasn't as if she was opposed to paying her taxes- she never failed to pay her state and federal taxes- but the stupid city... She could file the other taxes online with the idiot-proof, fill-in-the-numbers-and-click-send websites, but backwards Storybrooke still used the stupid, complicated, no-way-can-I-possibly-do-this, fill-out-and-mail-back forms.
Ruby had never liked not being able to do things, and her first year trying to work out the Storybrooke city tax form had resulted in tears, a headache, a trip to the ice cream parlor, and a ripped-up return. Not necessarily in that order. She had worked on the stupid thing up until the very last minute, and without anything acceptable to mail back, she had simply let it pass and hoped for the best. Every year it had gotten easier to simply ignore the fact that she was, in fact, supposed to be filing city taxes. Until, of course, the city had started sending her threatening letters.
Leaning her head back against the brick wall of the diner, Ruby closed her eyes and growled. Looked like the weekend off she'd been lobbying for for... well, kind of forever, would be spent locked in her room, chewing on pencils until they broke, swearing at her calculator, and wondering if the city would be okay with her just writing down some numbers and praying for the best.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," she chanted under her breath.
"Ruby? Are you all right?" Shocked back to reality, Ruby's eyes snapped open, and she turned to find the owner of the voice.
"Archie!" she cried, dramatically clutching her chest even as she smiled at him. "You scared me." The psychiatrist bashfully glanced down at his feet, nervously twirling his umbrella, its metal tip making tiny circles on the pavement. Ruby had always had a bit of a soft spot for Archie. Unlike most guys she knew, he was exceedingly nice. Not just civil or polite... there was some kind of inherent goodness in him. He was the kind of person who probably never even thought an unkind thought about another person. He had never once looked down on her for all her provocative clothing or her wild persona, and she had never- not even one time caught him looking anywhere but straight in her eyes when the two of them were talking. Even Mr. Gold's eyes wandered down every once in a while, and everyone knew he hated everyone.
"I'm sorry," Archie apologized, looking a bit flustered. "It's just... you looked... overwhelmed." He smiled as Ruby snorted. She fiddled with the paper in her hands and moved closer to the doctor.
"You could say that. Did you know that, apparently, the city of Storybrooke doesn't get really pissed off until you skip five years of taxes?" she asked with an amused smile and a cocked eyebrow.
"Wait... five... You haven't paid taxes in five years?" Archie, it seemed, was less amused than she by the situation. In fact he looked downright nauseous, and Ruby was slightly cowed.
"I just can't figure it out," she explained, a little embarrassed. "I don't like things beating me, so I gave up." It sounded silly to her now, actually talking it out.
"So what are you going to do?" asked Archie. Ruby shrugged and grimaced.
"What can I do? Lock myself in my room, stare at numbers until I cry, curl up in a ball, have a nervous breakdown, get carted off to your office...” She finished with a little self-deprecating laugh and was surprised to see Archie smiling back at her. Why had she never had a longer conversation with him? It was kind of his job to make people feel better, but she'd never really had occasion to visit him in a professional capacity. Well, his profession at least. She could hardly count the number of times she'd poured his coffee and brought him a slice of Granny's world famous cherry pie (trade secret: Ruby had been in charge of baking "Granny's" pies for over ten years now).
"Well," Archie began slowly, a shy smile on his lips, "why don't you skip a couple of those steps and just start by coming to my office? I could help you with your taxes." His face was nothing but open and honest, and Ruby's eyes grew excitedly.
"Really? You would do that for me?" At Archie's matter-of-fact little nod, sweet smile still intact, Ruby threw herself into his arms. The doctor was stiff at first, taken aback by her bold familiarity, but it took little time for him to melt into the embrace. She pulled away but kept hold of his forearms as she jumped up and down. "Oh, thank you, Archie! You're saving my skin and my weekend!" She beamed up at him, and he had no choice but to smile back.
Prompt: Crossover: Comedy
Medium: Icons of Once Upon A Time with quotes from 30 Rock (which I had way too much fun collecting, btw). My current icon is a preview.
001
002
003
004
005
006
007
008
009
010
011
Table generated using angelamaria's Icon Table Generator.
Icons by their own makers.
May I please have a "crossover: comedy" tag? And am I missing it or do we not have a Regina/Graham pairing tag? I'm totally lost when things end up in ship names, so if I'm just missing it, please let me know!