C-c-c-concrit

[mykindasong]

On this lovely Spring day (we hope it is, anyway) we welcome you to the...

The Johnny's Fanfiction Concrit Meme
THIS is where you get to tell me about my writing.♥ Comment for yourself only. Do not make threads for other people

Comments

[anonymous]

i hadn't read anything by you so i went to check out your archive. i ended up finding your tegokame AND SQUEALED VERY, VERY LOUDLY AND GOT REALLY EXCITED CAUSE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE LIKES THIS and i'm sure i just gave myself away, but anyway! i thought i would try and see if i could give you some feedback. :) so i read "take good care". your english is technically good so you don't need to worry much about the strength of your language; if you do get a beta (or have one), there are only a few things that aren't really errors so much as perhaps places it could be tightened a bit, but that's not necessary and not saying that it is not good as it is. :)

i think you could check things in your sentences to work on flow, which i think would really help your stories come together and be richer. for instance, this sentence: No one was there yet, so he’d take the left minutes to enjoy the calmness, the silence and sleep off the stress. could be checked for parallelism. basically, when you put three actions in a list like this, they should be in the same format, so they should all start with a gerund -ing verb or an infinite verb. this sentence could be changed to "enjoy the calmness, soak in the silence, and sleep off the stress" so that each part of the list is in the same format. this reads nicer! :) you could also try doing sort of a "show, don't tell" with your narrative. instead of giving a sentence such as Tegoshi made Kazuya shift his legs, so he could sit down. you could show him doing this through the description, like, tegoshi pushed at kame's legs until he had cleared a spot on the couch where the cushions dipped together and you would essentially be explaining the same action but doing so by showing instead of telling. ♥

i think you have strong writing and good ideas, and i am really excited about finding someone else who is willing to try this pairing! i think you could strengthen your writing and it would be a very enjoyable read, so i am looking forward to more from you! :) i hope you find this helpful in some way. ♥

[yumiko_okahawa]

Hey there :)

Thanks a lot for the kind comment!
First of all, I was afraid this comment wasn't directed at me, as I couldn't recall having written Tegokame XD *lol* I didn't remember that story, at all, but now, that I had a look at it again, I remember ^^; It's been a long time ago that I wrote that fic, more than two years! Wow! (I should reread and correct quite a few of my writings in that journal!)

I didn't have a beta at that time, by now, I do have a beta who is correcting my fics, before I put them up here on LJ :) (I only write Akame these days, so it was easy finding someone to beta them.)

Thanks for all the good advice. I will try consider it, when writing, as - for sure - my writing hasn't improved much from two years ago. I think I am still on the same level and my writing needs a lot of improving. I am happy for any kind of advice I can get! So, thanks so very much :)

I think Tegokame isn't as popular anymore, but I hope for you that you will find some more stories. They are a cute pairing, after all :)

I hope I'm going to be able to write something enjoyable to read some day, so thanks a lot for the feedback, I am really, really very grateful for that! ♥

Thank you so much!!