- The Meme In Which You Give Concrit -

[mykindasong]

Okay, ignore that we're ignoring the usual set-up. It's just not the way we roll! Don't worry, the same things can still happen.

Welcome to the...

The Johnny's Fanfiction Concrit Meme
THIS is where you get to tell me about my writing.Rules are simple, because we like it that way

Comments

Re: F

[anonymous]

I'm glad you're here, really. And as I'm glad, I hope you don't take this the bad way.

Why glad? Because I like the plot of your stories. But there some mistakes with past tenses. For example...

"He had to find Sho and apologized for his selfishness" - it's apologize

"He was about to turned back around to search for Sho in the woods again when he heard a loud splash coming from the lake." - it's turn
(Also, I'm not sure, but I think that 'turn back around' it's redundant. Or it's turn back or turn around, but both of them sounds weird to me. Again, I'm not sure of this)

"“What?” Nino frowned hearing Jun’s explaination. “How can they get out?”" - here I think it should be in past, because they have already got out from there.

All of them were from the last chapter you posted (Only Love chapter 50-2, maybe?), so it's not like I go searching for your first stories. There are some more, so I think that you should be careful.

And, also, I think that sometimes, at dialogues, you abuse a little of suspension points, mostly at the end of the sentences.

Just a little thing (yes, more, I'm sorry) While searching the examples above I found a couple of typos. I'll write them here, in case you want to correct them:

* "We were worried when we heard glasses breaking" - Glasses it's not the plural of glass but this ->http://oldstersview.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/glasses.jpg

* "Nino frowned hearing Jun’s explaination" - It's explanation, without the extra 'i'.

* "He winched painfully" - winced.

* "with 2 walkie talkie and 2 flash lights" - Okay, it's not a typo, but the presentation it's nicer when you put the actual word instead of numbers.

I hope you don't take it bad. They are really little things, and if you correct them, the story would get even better.

Re: F

[faradakiut]

will go through all of them asap~
thank u very much~ ^__^