This is really really personal, but I think it might give me closure.
1. Scissor Sisters- "I Can't Decide"
You called me out of the blue to tell me to listen this song. We hung up and by the time you called me back I already knew the words. We slow-danced to this song in your bedroom after making love. We sang it quietly while we worked together, carefully avoiding each other's eyes in case people caught on too quickly.
2. String Quartet Tribute- "Everything's Not Lost"
It was hot and raining outside the day you played this for me. I was laying in your bed, wearing one of your shirts I think. You kissed me and pressed play. This song was so beautiful I thought I might cry. You put your chin on top of my head and I could feel you humming along with the violins while I tried not to drift off to sleep too soon.
3. She Wants Revenge- "I Don't Want to Fall in Love"
The night I came to see you and you were already waiting in the driveway for me, you stuck your head in my window and asked me what was playing. You liked it so much I brought it inside with me and we played Mario Party together with your blanket wrapped around us both.
4. Rogue Traders- "Voodoo Child"
Before I bought my car, before our affair, before everything, you were driving me home and you put on this song. You took a detour away from my house and bought us some icecream. We talked and laughed and joked together in the bed of your truck while the beat kept us alive. The first night we switched our nametags and became each other.
5. Dave Matthews Band- "Let You Down"
You were sad. You were driving me home from work and while the words came heavy from your lips I listened to the somber notes in the background. On a happier day I tried to explain which song I was thinking about by incorrectly quoting some of the lyrics. I watched your face brighten when you recognized a verse. "Right!" You said, remembering, "And he says it real slow and calm..." You're hugging me from behind and your lips start to touch my ear while you sing, "'I'm a puppy for your love.'"
6. Citizen Cope- "Sideways"
The night you told me you were broken, I felt broken. You played this song while you talked and I listened to it over and over by myself that night until I fell asleep.
7. A Perfect Circle- "Judith"
You played this song at bedtime the very first night I spent with you. You pulled the blankets over me and put your hand over me as if to keep me there. We talked about life and death, love and war, until our voices were too tired to carry on and we had to close our eyes. The song must have been playing on repeat, because when I woke up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare, you sang along with the words while you held me close to you.
8. R.E.M.- "Daysleeper"
I listened to this song on repeat the night we first kissed. My head was spinning and I didn't know what would come of it, but I was happy, and that was all that mattered.
9. Gregory and the Hawk- "Boats and Birds"
This song played the night I realized we would never be together.
10. MGMT- "Time to Pretend"
You laughed so hard when you saw how excited I was about this song when it started playing at the beginning of a movie I'd never seen. I pulled you off the couch and made you dance with me. We started kissing and didn't end up watching the movie at all. I don't even remember what it was called.
11. Daft Punk- "Something About Us"
We were driving back from the movies and we'd just dropped Jessi off. Suddenly you asked if I wanted to see your old neighborhood. As we turned onto a dirt road someplace, this song came on. I told you about how I loved this song when I was eleven, and I still love it to this day. We awkwardly laughed about our age difference as you showed me where you used to play, go to school, get in trouble. We sang in unison to verses that were much too intimate for our relationship, but we didn't care.
12. Guster- "Satellite"
This song was playing at a party when you called me and I realized that you were becoming my best friend.
13. Sigur Ros- "Staralfur"
That morning I had to be at work before you and you woke me up with this song. You handed me a cup of tea and when I asked you how you always knew exactly the right thing to play, you said, "I guess I just play whatever I'm feeling." I think for a moment we loved each other equally.