Fic: I Want You Back
Author: on_the_ground
Title: I Want You Back
Rating: G
Pairing/s: Stiles/Jackson
Character/s: Stiles, Jackson, Ilya (OCC, mentioned)
Summary: Stiles confronts Jackson about his behaviour after they found out about their son's disability.
Content Notes: Angst, mpreg (mentioned), nobody is dead, future fic, original characters, established relationship
Warnings: None
Submission Type: Fic
Word Count: 1422 words
Prompt: #269 - Long
Author's Notes: Posted here for the Full Moon Ficlet community. This will be part of my series "All I Saw Was You." The previous parts of this arc haven't been posted yet. Thanks so much to my lovely beta once again.
“This has to end, you know?” Stiles says as he enters Jackson’s office it their house, closing the door behind him.
Jackson looks up from the laptop, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “I don’t want to argue with you. Besides, I’m busy right now.”
“Yeah, and when aren’t you busy exactly? Lately, it’s like I need an appointment to talk to you.” Also, he can’t talk about it in front of the kids either.
“You really love being dramatic. Usually it’s adorable, but right now, I really have to finish this.”
“No. You’re not doing that. You’re not shutting me out. We’re talking right now.” Stiles walks until he’s in front of the desk and bends over it, reaching with his right hand to close Jackson’s laptop. He knows Jackson had time to stop him but didn’t, instead he leans back against the armchair, looking away from him.
Stiles rests both hands on the desk in front of Jackson.
“I want you to see someone. You can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this. This has lasted long enough.”
“See someone?”
“Yeah. You know perfectly what I mean. A psychologist, someone who can help you. A professional.”
“A psychologist? Are you crazy?”
“It’s obvious that I haven’t been able to help you. So, it’s the only thing I can think of.”
“I don’t need any help.”
“Really? Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who is here judging me and ordering me around.”
“Shit, why do you have to make it so hard?” Stiles shakes his head. “You know you’re not okay. Fuck, everybody knows you’re not okay. So, you’re fucked because this mate thing works both ways. And I can’t live like this… and I don’t want you to feel like this.”
“Stiles--”
“No, don’t Stiles me, okay?” Stiles interrupts him, raising his right hand to shut him up. “You’re gonna listen to me. You’ve got to stop thinking about it. You’ve got to stop thinking ‘what if… whatever...’. There’s no whatever, and there’s no-one to blame… You will never know why he’s deaf and it doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason it’s not important. I know you wanted perfection and I know better than anybody how you get obsessed with it but perfection doesn’t exist. He’s exactly the way he was meant to be and you fucking need to accept it.
“I haven’t accepted it?”
“Of course not… because I know how you’ve felt since we found out. You’ve felt all kids of things, but acceptance isn’t one of them”.
“You can never understand how I feel.”
“I’m your fucking mate. Of course, I can and I do. I feel it every day. You’re disappointed, you’re moody, worried, restless, uneasy…”
“Shit! I carried him! Not you… So, stop judging me, stop saying that you know what I’m going through because you have no idea.”
“The accident wasn’t your fault! You fucking know that!”
“Yes! But everything I did after that was. Everything I didn’t do. I think I didn’t care! I stopped caring about him. I didn’t listen… to your father or Derek… I was irresponsible, I know that now. I lost so much weight. I--”
“You were traumatized! You were worried… You did the best you could! Nobody is blaming you and I never will.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. And honestly, the fact that you can’t see it, worries me. Do you need me to call Derek so that he can tell you himself?”
Jackson snorts. “You wouldn’t dare,” he says with confidence.
“I don’t know what else to do,” Stiles says, in defeat. “I believe he’s exactly the way he was meant to be. Sometimes I think you really wanted him to be wolf too--”
“That’s not true. That’s not… why do you have to say that? I’ve never--”
“Because it’s the only thing that makes sense! I’ve been trying really hard to understand you. Because humans can be born with any sort of condition or develop it afterwards. DNA is a fucking mystery and there aren’t any guarantees that you’ll get a perfectly healthy baby. And hell, he is healthy… yes, he’s deaf but with technology he can hear and he’ll have a totally normal life.”
“I didn’t want him to be a wolf, okay? Never say that again. I like that he’s like you… that he looks so much like you. And I’m not disappointed… that word… it doesn’t… that’s not how I feel. But yeah, I’m worried, of course, I’m worried. And maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s not my fault. But I can’t really shake that thought out of my head. It doesn’t happen just because you want it to. At least not yet. I guess I need time for that. And you pressuring me is the last thing I need right now.”
Stiles snorts. “So now I’m pressuring you? That’s so not fair. If it was the other way around, you wouldn’t leave me alone. You’d be lecturing me every day and my father, Scott and probably even Kane would have been here weeks ago. You wouldn’t have been so understanding, that’s for sure.”
“Understanding? So, that’s what you’re being? You’re being understanding?” Jackson frowns.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am. You think this is easy for me? You think I’m not fucking worried and sad sometimes? You think it doesn’t break my heart too? Because it does. Every day. But we can’t let him or Daniel see that. We have to be strong for him. We have to be positive and show him that he’s gonna be okay. And we need to be united in this. I need to feel that you’re… I don’t know…” Stiles’s voice breaks for a moment. “With me. That you’re with me.”
“Of course I’m with you. Why would you even say that?”
“Why?” Stiles raises his eyebrows. “You need to ask?”
“Stiles--”
“You’ve been keeping your distance from me. You’ve been so focused on yourself you probably haven’t even noticed. And I’m not talking just about sex, okay? I’m talking about you and me having…” Stiles runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t know… what we had before this whole thing started, you know?” Before they found out that something was wrong and everything changed.
“I don’t remember being married before,” Stiles continues when Jackson doesn’t say anything. ”But I remember how it was when Ilya was born. I remember what being happy feels like and this is not it. And… shit, I want it back. I want…” Stiles waves both arms as he tried to find the words. “I want you back.” After everything they’ve been through he’s not going to settle for anything else than that.
(The rest will be added on AO3)
Title: I Want You Back
Rating: G
Pairing/s: Stiles/Jackson
Character/s: Stiles, Jackson, Ilya (OCC, mentioned)
Summary: Stiles confronts Jackson about his behaviour after they found out about their son's disability.
Content Notes: Angst, mpreg (mentioned), nobody is dead, future fic, original characters, established relationship
Warnings: None
Submission Type: Fic
Word Count: 1422 words
Prompt: #269 - Long
Author's Notes: Posted here for the Full Moon Ficlet community. This will be part of my series "All I Saw Was You." The previous parts of this arc haven't been posted yet. Thanks so much to my lovely beta once again.
“This has to end, you know?” Stiles says as he enters Jackson’s office it their house, closing the door behind him.
Jackson looks up from the laptop, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “I don’t want to argue with you. Besides, I’m busy right now.”
“Yeah, and when aren’t you busy exactly? Lately, it’s like I need an appointment to talk to you.” Also, he can’t talk about it in front of the kids either.
“You really love being dramatic. Usually it’s adorable, but right now, I really have to finish this.”
“No. You’re not doing that. You’re not shutting me out. We’re talking right now.” Stiles walks until he’s in front of the desk and bends over it, reaching with his right hand to close Jackson’s laptop. He knows Jackson had time to stop him but didn’t, instead he leans back against the armchair, looking away from him.
Stiles rests both hands on the desk in front of Jackson.
“I want you to see someone. You can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this. This has lasted long enough.”
“See someone?”
“Yeah. You know perfectly what I mean. A psychologist, someone who can help you. A professional.”
“A psychologist? Are you crazy?”
“It’s obvious that I haven’t been able to help you. So, it’s the only thing I can think of.”
“I don’t need any help.”
“Really? Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who is here judging me and ordering me around.”
“Shit, why do you have to make it so hard?” Stiles shakes his head. “You know you’re not okay. Fuck, everybody knows you’re not okay. So, you’re fucked because this mate thing works both ways. And I can’t live like this… and I don’t want you to feel like this.”
“Stiles--”
“No, don’t Stiles me, okay?” Stiles interrupts him, raising his right hand to shut him up. “You’re gonna listen to me. You’ve got to stop thinking about it. You’ve got to stop thinking ‘what if… whatever...’. There’s no whatever, and there’s no-one to blame… You will never know why he’s deaf and it doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason it’s not important. I know you wanted perfection and I know better than anybody how you get obsessed with it but perfection doesn’t exist. He’s exactly the way he was meant to be and you fucking need to accept it.
“I haven’t accepted it?”
“Of course not… because I know how you’ve felt since we found out. You’ve felt all kids of things, but acceptance isn’t one of them”.
“You can never understand how I feel.”
“I’m your fucking mate. Of course, I can and I do. I feel it every day. You’re disappointed, you’re moody, worried, restless, uneasy…”
“Shit! I carried him! Not you… So, stop judging me, stop saying that you know what I’m going through because you have no idea.”
“The accident wasn’t your fault! You fucking know that!”
“Yes! But everything I did after that was. Everything I didn’t do. I think I didn’t care! I stopped caring about him. I didn’t listen… to your father or Derek… I was irresponsible, I know that now. I lost so much weight. I--”
“You were traumatized! You were worried… You did the best you could! Nobody is blaming you and I never will.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. And honestly, the fact that you can’t see it, worries me. Do you need me to call Derek so that he can tell you himself?”
Jackson snorts. “You wouldn’t dare,” he says with confidence.
“I don’t know what else to do,” Stiles says, in defeat. “I believe he’s exactly the way he was meant to be. Sometimes I think you really wanted him to be wolf too--”
“That’s not true. That’s not… why do you have to say that? I’ve never--”
“Because it’s the only thing that makes sense! I’ve been trying really hard to understand you. Because humans can be born with any sort of condition or develop it afterwards. DNA is a fucking mystery and there aren’t any guarantees that you’ll get a perfectly healthy baby. And hell, he is healthy… yes, he’s deaf but with technology he can hear and he’ll have a totally normal life.”
“I didn’t want him to be a wolf, okay? Never say that again. I like that he’s like you… that he looks so much like you. And I’m not disappointed… that word… it doesn’t… that’s not how I feel. But yeah, I’m worried, of course, I’m worried. And maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s not my fault. But I can’t really shake that thought out of my head. It doesn’t happen just because you want it to. At least not yet. I guess I need time for that. And you pressuring me is the last thing I need right now.”
Stiles snorts. “So now I’m pressuring you? That’s so not fair. If it was the other way around, you wouldn’t leave me alone. You’d be lecturing me every day and my father, Scott and probably even Kane would have been here weeks ago. You wouldn’t have been so understanding, that’s for sure.”
“Understanding? So, that’s what you’re being? You’re being understanding?” Jackson frowns.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am. You think this is easy for me? You think I’m not fucking worried and sad sometimes? You think it doesn’t break my heart too? Because it does. Every day. But we can’t let him or Daniel see that. We have to be strong for him. We have to be positive and show him that he’s gonna be okay. And we need to be united in this. I need to feel that you’re… I don’t know…” Stiles’s voice breaks for a moment. “With me. That you’re with me.”
“Of course I’m with you. Why would you even say that?”
“Why?” Stiles raises his eyebrows. “You need to ask?”
“Stiles--”
“You’ve been keeping your distance from me. You’ve been so focused on yourself you probably haven’t even noticed. And I’m not talking just about sex, okay? I’m talking about you and me having…” Stiles runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t know… what we had before this whole thing started, you know?” Before they found out that something was wrong and everything changed.
“I don’t remember being married before,” Stiles continues when Jackson doesn’t say anything. ”But I remember how it was when Ilya was born. I remember what being happy feels like and this is not it. And… shit, I want it back. I want…” Stiles waves both arms as he tried to find the words. “I want you back.” After everything they’ve been through he’s not going to settle for anything else than that.
(The rest will be added on AO3)