(no subject)
Wow, this is cliche but I don't fucking care. Most folks in college never want it to end. They want to live the life of endless parties, hard drugs, and sexual conquests. I think art school is no different. I mean getting drunk every night is great(Yes we are destroying our bodies) and having sex every weekend is nice, but I want more. I know that even once I'm out of school I'm still going to be a night time drunk. Nothing is going to change that. I fucking hate that I am still constricted to the thought process of my teachers. Everything must be by the books. Look at past artist and try to create in a similar way. That is not art, that is technique. "Jocks and assholes still don't know shit about aesthetics." I feel that still holds true. The only thing holding me together right now is booze, graffiti, painting, drugs, and the thought of getting out of this god damn town. School is now just a waste. I know what I need to survive. I don't need another two years. Granted an artist life isn't the highest paying job in the world, but i will be fine. I'm not striving to make the "big bucks." I personally hate the thought of being wealthy. Yes you have that economic comfort, but why should life be all about that economic comfort. God I just wish people looked past materialistic things and really be concerned with how we can get the masses to cooperate with each. All I ask for is a little unity. A little request towards a less fucked up world. If it were not for bands like ghost mice and defiance, ohio singing songs about love and togetherness, I probably would not survive this time in my life. Im so confused about everything. Politics and women will probably be my downfall. I can't take being so passionate about one thing and being reckless with another. What happened to me, like when I was in high school and I was deathly afraid of girls and relationships. Now Im going to bed with her night after night and after the passion is gone, I still hear her saying "I'm not leading you on, am I?" I feel like this is the worst case scenario for a person like me, who is just searching for love. I have found love, but it's with my friends and instruments. I can still remember screaming songs of revolution in that little apartment full of wine and music. Even at my worst, that thought pulls me from doing something stupid.