Remembering what I forgot and learning to deal
Weather: Sunny from what I can tell, I don't go out
Watching: Red Eye with Kat later
Listening: Agoraphobia - Incubus
Reading: This livejournal
Eating: Nothing even though I have $300 worth of food in my apartment
Drinking: My saliva
So from time to time I actually read my journal entries from the past. I sound so angry and pissed at the world, as well as depressed. I sounded like a heartcore kid. Well this journal entry will be no diferent. In the next few days I am pretty sure i am going to lose some friends or have people I really care about really upset with me. I wish I could give everyone the run down but I am not one to indulge the world with every aspect of my life, plus until it is done I wish not to tell it. The fact that I might lose people I care so deeply for scares the bejesus out of me, but I have to do what I have to do.
Other things I have come to the conclusion I am really not that good of a person. I am narcissitic, selfish, needy but I push everyone away when they get too close, I have a weak self control, I make fun of those who are weaker than me, I tend to lose contact with people, I am always down, I take things and people forgrantic, I am an elitist, I am a brat, and I can not forgive myself. Oddly going to church made me realize this. They were talking about how if you had a key to free soemone in prison who would be in your prison. (The key is forgiveness and acceptance). It made me realize why I am so edgy, depressed and angry alot lately. I can't free myself, because i am not ready to forgive myself for what I have done in my life. Which is why I have to do the things I am doing in the near future.
OF course the first step to forgiving is to visit your past. Yeah my past is coming to visit and I am scared out of my mind, because I still feel for him, alot. He is still one of the few people who can make me feel so alive, happy and the center of attention, and also make me want to wrap myself up in a blanket and build a fort and hide in it with him. Yeah I would go into more detail but too much would be revealed. If you want to know you can write me or ask me.
I am so cryptic, I suck, I know. I am sorry
Watching: Red Eye with Kat later
Listening: Agoraphobia - Incubus
Reading: This livejournal
Eating: Nothing even though I have $300 worth of food in my apartment
Drinking: My saliva
So from time to time I actually read my journal entries from the past. I sound so angry and pissed at the world, as well as depressed. I sounded like a heartcore kid. Well this journal entry will be no diferent. In the next few days I am pretty sure i am going to lose some friends or have people I really care about really upset with me. I wish I could give everyone the run down but I am not one to indulge the world with every aspect of my life, plus until it is done I wish not to tell it. The fact that I might lose people I care so deeply for scares the bejesus out of me, but I have to do what I have to do.
Other things I have come to the conclusion I am really not that good of a person. I am narcissitic, selfish, needy but I push everyone away when they get too close, I have a weak self control, I make fun of those who are weaker than me, I tend to lose contact with people, I am always down, I take things and people forgrantic, I am an elitist, I am a brat, and I can not forgive myself. Oddly going to church made me realize this. They were talking about how if you had a key to free soemone in prison who would be in your prison. (The key is forgiveness and acceptance). It made me realize why I am so edgy, depressed and angry alot lately. I can't free myself, because i am not ready to forgive myself for what I have done in my life. Which is why I have to do the things I am doing in the near future.
OF course the first step to forgiving is to visit your past. Yeah my past is coming to visit and I am scared out of my mind, because I still feel for him, alot. He is still one of the few people who can make me feel so alive, happy and the center of attention, and also make me want to wrap myself up in a blanket and build a fort and hide in it with him. Yeah I would go into more detail but too much would be revealed. If you want to know you can write me or ask me.
I am so cryptic, I suck, I know. I am sorry