Confession

[on_jennys_terms]

[Borrowed greeneyedspy.  I will eventually give him back.]

No matter which ocean it is or what part of the world it's in, an empty beach and a vast ocean has a way of making someone feel so alone in the world.  Jen sits by herself in the dark, in the sand, watching the waves inch ever closer.  The tide has started coming in and the water threatens to lick her

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[greeneyedspy]

He wrapped his arm as tightly around her as it would go. It was true empathy was not his strongest skill but Jen was special in his mind and he did work a little harder at it. "It wasn't your fault Jen. You loved Lucie and you would have been a wonderful mother."

[on_jennys_terms]

She shakes her head and between sobs, manages to get out, "I don't even take care of myself." She doesn't tell him that she never got to find out if she would have been a good mother. She doesn't say that she can't ever find out.

[greeneyedspy]

"I know because all of the pain you feel would have been your love for that little girl,"he kissed the top of her head.

[on_jennys_terms]

His words just start Jenny crying harder. Because he's right and she knows it.

[greeneyedspy]

He held her tight slowly rocking side to side. "Just let it out."

[on_jennys_terms]

"I let her down," she sobs, not expecting--or even needing--any kind of answer from him, "I was supposed to protect Lucie and I let her die." The lost, broken part of Jen is still afraid he's going to be gone in the morning. She expects him to do what's best for him. They're so much alike in some ways.

[greeneyedspy]

He just kept a hold of her rubbing his hand up and down her back trying to give her some comfort.

[on_jennys_terms]

She cries until that voice in the back of her head decides it can't stay quiet anymore. Looking up at him, tears still rolling down her cheeks, she says, "This is more than you wanted to know about me. I don't expect you to be here in the morning." Now, she's trying to catch her breath and look serious, but it's not working.

[greeneyedspy]

"You may not expect me to be here but I'm not going anywhere,"he looked back at her seriously.

[on_jennys_terms]

She lets go of his shirt and puts her hand on his cheek, studying his eyes. Normally--stone cold sober and not in the middle of a breakdown--Jenny is good at spotting lies, but right now, she can't figure out if he's being honest or not. She wants to believe him.

[greeneyedspy]

He stared back at her letting her study him all she wanted. Alex was telling her the truth unless she left him he wasn't going to go anywhere.

[on_jennys_terms]

She's not going anywhere any more than he is. She tucks her head against his chest again and watches the waves. Even in the time he's been sitting there with her, they've gotten closer. "Before you came out here," she says softly, "I was thinking about wandering out into the water."

[greeneyedspy]

"At least you only thought about it. Seriously though don't make it look like I murdered you on our honeymoon,"he kissed her neck.

[on_jennys_terms]

Jen picks her head back up and raises an eyebrow, but she's all red-eyed and sniffles. "If I wanted to do that, I'd be more creative, Alex."

[greeneyedspy]

Alex chuckled softly,"I'm sure you would be."

[on_jennys_terms]

"Although," she says, "I could weight my ankles and wander into the ocean and my footprints would be gone before anyone would notice I was missing. It'd be like I just vanished. You'd be the prime suspect."