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modestmaya February 23 2018, 18:04:09 UTC
I am posting a new comment here, even though I know no one is reading it. Or, maybe Ryan, you ARE somehow reading it. You fucking creep, that would be just like you.

Anyway, here I am, 12 years later from when you died. (not like to the day or anything, but super soon it will be 12 years so whatever). I'm a grown ass woman now, with a husband and our own house and the whole deal. We live outside of Boston, and I have been here for almost 8 years. It's amazing. You'd love Boston, although I could also totally picture you in NYC or LA. Maybe LA, because I bet by now you'd be sick of the cold, and the vapidness of LA would both draw you in and make you sick.

I have to say that even though it's been 12 years, I don't miss you any less. You never realized it, but you made a HUGE impact on a lot of people's lives. You had this sarcasm that was so unique to you... you hated everything, but yet enjoyed a lot of moments I spent with you to the fullest. I never had a bad time with you. Never. There was so much laughing, even when things sucked horribly. That is really what a best friend is all about.

I look back on things now, and I see that it was more than likely inevitable that you'd be gone sooner or later. There are a lot of reasons for that, but I think the biggest reason is that life is unfair and makes no sense at all.

I still wear your "heart and crossbones" shirt you made to bed, and think about you on a regular basis. Sometimes something happens that reminds me of you so much, that I just cry.

I could write a whole novel about all the times I remember with you. I remember the shirt you were fucking wearing the day we met at Dutch Treat... you had on that red YUM POP t-shirt with the frog and a can of spray paint on it. I remember when I found out you were friggin' 16 years old, and not only was I blown away, but I was also like "no way am I going to be best friends with a 16 year old, but looks like I am going to be best friends with a 16 year old."

I will remember all these things and a thousand million endless amount more, because you were (and still are) one of the best friends I have ever had, and I love you ALWAYS.

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