.....
it's hard the describe the way my mind
is in a continually "April Fools" mode. With each new day i try to approach my current
situations involving the people i know with an upbeat or at the very least, realistic point of view.
And every morning when i wake up, depending on the previous day's emotional fore-cast and the
previous nights activities i am able grin and bare how not-adjusted i feel to my new living situation,
my new sense of self (whatever the hell that means), and the fantastic new physically ill feeling
i have been experiencing for an entire month now... keeping in mind of course, i mean strictly an emotionally-ill
feeling. i want to keep different people within the realms of my life, making and shaping me into a
better person, but with along some of these individuals also comes a re-hash of old "could haves" and really
painfull "should haves". Everyday when i involve myself in new but old nostaligia via old relationships, it is like playing
a game of emotional Russian Roulette, it's committing emotional suicide.
And with each day, depending on how i feel i go to my closet and almost literally pick out a disposition of "forgiveness", or "spite" or "vengeance" or "depression" or "contentment" etc. that i choose to emotionally equip myself with that day.. that i choose to "wear"
that day, all day, affecting my whole outlook, and like a badly chosen outfit is erraticlly changed throughout the day. And is it better/more healthy to just completely dispose of and let go of things
in the past that you really dont want to put to rest, but that keep picking at your wounds? or is it better to try and move on, doing the mature thing and trying to forge ahead forgiving people who really hurt you and fucked you over?
Or is it better to just not give a fuck and go get fucking drunk? i pick option 3. choose your own friggen adventure. -r
is in a continually "April Fools" mode. With each new day i try to approach my current
situations involving the people i know with an upbeat or at the very least, realistic point of view.
And every morning when i wake up, depending on the previous day's emotional fore-cast and the
previous nights activities i am able grin and bare how not-adjusted i feel to my new living situation,
my new sense of self (whatever the hell that means), and the fantastic new physically ill feeling
i have been experiencing for an entire month now... keeping in mind of course, i mean strictly an emotionally-ill
feeling. i want to keep different people within the realms of my life, making and shaping me into a
better person, but with along some of these individuals also comes a re-hash of old "could haves" and really
painfull "should haves". Everyday when i involve myself in new but old nostaligia via old relationships, it is like playing
a game of emotional Russian Roulette, it's committing emotional suicide.
And with each day, depending on how i feel i go to my closet and almost literally pick out a disposition of "forgiveness", or "spite" or "vengeance" or "depression" or "contentment" etc. that i choose to emotionally equip myself with that day.. that i choose to "wear"
that day, all day, affecting my whole outlook, and like a badly chosen outfit is erraticlly changed throughout the day. And is it better/more healthy to just completely dispose of and let go of things
in the past that you really dont want to put to rest, but that keep picking at your wounds? or is it better to try and move on, doing the mature thing and trying to forge ahead forgiving people who really hurt you and fucked you over?
Or is it better to just not give a fuck and go get fucking drunk? i pick option 3. choose your own friggen adventure. -r