this is only funny because i identify with 2/3 of them...
YOU KNOW
YOU ARE A LESBIAN
OR A BISEXUAL WHEN.........
don't you love these stereotypes? we all do..because..they're pretty much dead on.
- you've hooked up with ALL of your exes, at some point in time, after you've broken up.
- you've gotten back together with the majority of your exes after you've broken up. and you've broken up and gotten back together with atleast one ex, three or more times.
- exes never disappear. they kind of just fade away and then pop up again sometime in the future. or, you become best friends with them.
- you can link yourself to me on the lesbian tree chart. (yeah, if you can't do that, you're basically straight or prude.)
- you know, like, every gay girl on myspace. Because you’re in that group...you know...
- you have hooked up with your best dyke/bi friend. who has hooked up with your ex. but, that's totally cool beacuse you've hooked up with her ex too. and her ex has hooked up with your ex, and they've both hooked up with the same random girl you met from myspace, who went out with your current girlfriend for five months. who also, accidentally, got drunk and had sex with her best friend, who also happens to be your ex girlfriend.
- you write poetry....for your girlfriend..(and they say men use sleazy tactics..tisk tisk)
- your straight girl friends are always all over you and playing with your hair because you're just that cute (and you know deep down they wonder what it's like....)
- you give FACE..not HEAD
- you know what packing means.
- you either have short hair, or you've had short hair, at some point in your life.
- your favorite show is the l word. Hands down. But you also watch logo religiously. And you love the cheesy HERE! On demand movies like “A family Affair”, “Go Fish”, and “The Incredibly True Story of Two Girls In Love” (WHICH HAS A YOUNG, BUTCH LAUREL HOLLOMAN! OH EM GEE!!!)
- you know what HRC, GLAAD, LAMBDA, LIGALY AND GLSEN STAND FOR
and here we go...human rights campaign, gay and lesbian alliance against defamation, well..even the lambda people don’t know what it stands for, but you know it’s a legal defense group!, long island gay and lesbian youth, and gay lesbian straight education network.
- log cabin republicans piss you off.
- it took you two years to get over your last girlfriend (lesbian) [it sure is lookin that way...]
- it took you one week to get over your last girlfriend (bisexual)
- it took you 3.5 seconds to get over your last girlfriend (bicurious)
- you didn’t care about your girlfriend. That bitch was too clingy. But it pissed you off when you didn’t have a girl to hook up with anymore in front of the menz (bicurious, fake bisexual, whatever, you know you’re a straight chick)
- you are ridiculously excellent at the art of cunnilingus. You give multiple orgasms. You could have written box lunch. No man stands a chance.. (Lesbian)
- you kind of need to practice more on yourself.........(bisexual)
- “okay, so I give REALLY good head”
umm..it’s face..I have a vagina..not a penis.
“I swear you won’t get blue balls!” *wink* hehe. (Bicurious)
- you’re a bottom (femme)
you’re a top (butch..or butch-esque)
- YOU. USE. AXE. [OHEMGEE YES]
- when you were fifteen and still in the closet, you watched but I’m a cheerleader on your computer. Power dvd was life back then.. Now, you watch it with your mom.
- red wings, anyone? Who’s guilty?
- you’ve 69ed before.
- folk music. [damn straight]
- your fingernails are nonexistent and have been since the fall of the roman empire.
- i think from now on i'll just stick to the ladies, cause i hate shitty menz and i don't want shitty babiez
love is like falling and falling is like this.
i know, i know, i know, i'm still your love.
you can name the artists who wrote the three lyrics above. [i know the last one]
- NEVER EVER AGAIN. PLEASE.:THICK TERRY-CLOTH HEADBANDS WORN AT ALL TIMES.
SIDEBURNS.
ILL-FITTING WIGS.
MULLET
- Kate Clinton, ELLEN (just ellen, no need to say her last name...) And Margaret Cho are hysterical. [LESBIANS LOVE WHALE WATCHING. XDD]
- sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior are three VERY different things. And you can define each.
- DOMA and ENDA drive you insane. They pass DOMA, but they won’t pass ENDA? What is wrong with our government! Oh yeah....George Bush....
For the clearly straight kids, it’s defense of marriage amendment and employment non discrimination act.
- you feel REALLY sorry for Mary Cheney. Because you know her girlfriend sits at the kids’ table during family dinners on holidays. And you know that a nice lad from the neighborhood is brought in every year to sit next to her, so that people won’t get the wrong idea...
- but even sorrier for honest lesbians who got duped by asshole bi-curious whores. Gotta watch out, those trend bisexuals are like piranhas. [and how.]
- keeping you a secret, empress of the world, dare truth or promise, annie on my mind, girl walking backwards, am I blue?...yeah..they’re all on your shelf. [uhh yeah and only the best books EVER]
- let’s take a look at your ipod..let’s see...we’ve got some ani difranco, tegan and sara, le tigre, xiu xiu, peaches, gravy train, dar williams, melissa ferrick, melissa ethridge, indigo girls, k.d. lang, pretty girls make graves, rilo kiley, ladytron, the butchies, the ditty bops, lesbians on ecstasy, bikini kill, the organ, the colour, moving units, betty (but only the l word theme song), the l word season one AND two soundtracks, kinnie starr, sarah mclachlan, joan armatrading, sixpence none the richer, TATU!!! (they’re still hot even if it was a ploy to get famous), and antigone rising.
- you want to grow up and be just like adrienne rich, virginia woolf, audre lorde, hillary clinton, emily dickinson and gloria steinem.
- you know the biographies of elizabeth cady stanton, susan b. anthony, lucretia mott, sarah and angelina grimke
- you go to smith.
- you go to another seven sister school, and hook up with the smith girls.
- you know what the lavender menace is.
- you’ve had a wet dream involving angelina jolie, tegan and sara, or any cast member from the l word. [more than i can count...]
- you hate that angelina jolie is dating brad pitt and you wish it were the good ole’ days when she was still a practicing bisexual, dating that really cute asian model from foxfire.
- you’ve seen D.E.B.S. And yeah, admit it, you liked it. [FAVORITE. MOVIE. EVER.]
- you have a greater appreciation for rose troche, guinivere turner and ilene chaiken than you do steven spielberg.
- you think dana and alice are really cute together. BUT you loved dana and lara during the first season. Thinking about who makes a cuter couple aggravates you. You hope to have a marriage like bette and tina’s one day, where you can cheat and still love each other enough to get back together in the end! And have a multi-cultural baby! You despised Jenny during the first season, but she is secretly your favorite character now and you wonder why nobody else has noticed that she is the only character on the show who grew at all. You want to fuck kate moennig but not necessarily shane. You’re absolutely obsessed with sarah shahi.
- you describe yourself and your current/previous girlfriends in terms of l word characters. I’m a mixture of shane and jenny. Not alice. I want a carmen... What are you?! [i'm pretty much shane minus the promiscuity. maybe a little bit of alice thrown in there.]
- you are president, vice president, treasurer or secretary of your schools GSA. [secretary last year, webmaster 05-06, babyy!]
- your school doesn’t have a GSA, so you’re starting one.
- deep down, the u-haul and turkey bastor comfort you. [no but DAMN this one's funny]
- a date is always 24 hours long.
- teairra mari is secretly gay and you know it.
- when jerry falwell dies, you’re throwing a party.
- you’ve seen anita bryant get hit with that pie.
- every year you go to a plethora of pride parades...and you get strange tan spots from where the rainbows were painted on your body. But you’re DYING to go to the Michigan Womyn’s festival. Next year....
- a cruise is not a cruise, unless it is OLIVIA.
- you buy your jeans at abercrombie and fitch...they’re very gay friendly. Don’t believe it? Check out commercialcloset.org
- you own at least one piece of flannel (even if it was just a joke...)
- you get hotter girls than all of your male friends combined. [at least i like to think so]
- you know every lesbian celebrity and historical figure that ever lived. Thus including..some of the less obvious; sappho (founding mother), jane addams (WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HULL HOUSE!! I missed out..), tammy baldwin (go house of reps...), drew barrymore, brittany murphy (yeah..they’re both bi..whatever), simone de beauvoir, frida kahlo, virginia woolf, sandra bernhard, jodie foster (she can silence my lambs, anyday), eleanor roosevelt, annais nin, vita sackville west, the list goes on...yeah..there’s a lot more (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_famous_gay,_lesbian_or_bisexual_people)
- you bought the fourth season of six feet under just to watch all of the sex scenes between lauren ambrose and mena suvari. (THEY’RE REALLY CUTE!) [...wow i know what i'm getting next time i go to suncoast..]
- gay cinema..is the only cinema...
- you’re an artist or a writer (or some form of either) [writers represent]
- the hours made you cry.
- boys don’t cry, if these walls could talk 2, lost and delirious, gia, the laramie project, YOU KNOW YOU BAWLED LIKE A FUCKING SIX YEAR OLD.
- you get really pissed off when people ask you, "how do lesbians have sex?" ...you usually answer in a rude, curt way such as; "go fucking watch the l word" or "better than you do" or, "you are a dumbass." [i prefer "go ask your mom, she knows better than anyone."]
- you know what tribbing is and you have tribbed before
-when people ask you to describe tribbing, you get kind of annoyed and tell them to go look it up (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribadism)
- LESBIAN BED DEATH IS FAKE AND PEPPER SCHWARTZ CAN SUCK A COCK. (he wasn't a real sex researcher anyway..what the fuck does he know about lesbians)
-you know that freud called lesbians inverts and said that women who achieve clitoral orgasms are immature and infantile. you also know that you don't read freud anymore because he was a mysoginist and he didn't have a clit. most of his theories pertaining to women have not only been rejected by the majority of scholars and psychiatrists, but also prove that he sometimes talked out of his ass.
- tara and willow are forever in your heart. [you know it <3]
-ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT.
-the black triangle is awesome. and of course, you know that it originated from nazi germany, where it was one of a number of insignia used in concentration camps to designate different prisoner categories. black upside down triangle = lesbians.
- chapstick anyone? [yes, please]
- lipstick anyone?
YOU ARE A LESBIAN
OR A BISEXUAL WHEN.........
don't you love these stereotypes? we all do..because..they're pretty much dead on.
- you've hooked up with ALL of your exes, at some point in time, after you've broken up.
- you've gotten back together with the majority of your exes after you've broken up. and you've broken up and gotten back together with atleast one ex, three or more times.
- exes never disappear. they kind of just fade away and then pop up again sometime in the future. or, you become best friends with them.
- you can link yourself to me on the lesbian tree chart. (yeah, if you can't do that, you're basically straight or prude.)
- you know, like, every gay girl on myspace. Because you’re in that group...you know...
- you have hooked up with your best dyke/bi friend. who has hooked up with your ex. but, that's totally cool beacuse you've hooked up with her ex too. and her ex has hooked up with your ex, and they've both hooked up with the same random girl you met from myspace, who went out with your current girlfriend for five months. who also, accidentally, got drunk and had sex with her best friend, who also happens to be your ex girlfriend.
- you write poetry....for your girlfriend..(and they say men use sleazy tactics..tisk tisk)
- your straight girl friends are always all over you and playing with your hair because you're just that cute (and you know deep down they wonder what it's like....)
- you give FACE..not HEAD
- you know what packing means.
- you either have short hair, or you've had short hair, at some point in your life.
- your favorite show is the l word. Hands down. But you also watch logo religiously. And you love the cheesy HERE! On demand movies like “A family Affair”, “Go Fish”, and “The Incredibly True Story of Two Girls In Love” (WHICH HAS A YOUNG, BUTCH LAUREL HOLLOMAN! OH EM GEE!!!)
- you know what HRC, GLAAD, LAMBDA, LIGALY AND GLSEN STAND FOR
and here we go...human rights campaign, gay and lesbian alliance against defamation, well..even the lambda people don’t know what it stands for, but you know it’s a legal defense group!, long island gay and lesbian youth, and gay lesbian straight education network.
- log cabin republicans piss you off.
- it took you two years to get over your last girlfriend (lesbian) [it sure is lookin that way...]
- it took you one week to get over your last girlfriend (bisexual)
- it took you 3.5 seconds to get over your last girlfriend (bicurious)
- you didn’t care about your girlfriend. That bitch was too clingy. But it pissed you off when you didn’t have a girl to hook up with anymore in front of the menz (bicurious, fake bisexual, whatever, you know you’re a straight chick)
- you are ridiculously excellent at the art of cunnilingus. You give multiple orgasms. You could have written box lunch. No man stands a chance.. (Lesbian)
- you kind of need to practice more on yourself.........(bisexual)
- “okay, so I give REALLY good head”
umm..it’s face..I have a vagina..not a penis.
“I swear you won’t get blue balls!” *wink* hehe. (Bicurious)
- you’re a bottom (femme)
you’re a top (butch..or butch-esque)
- YOU. USE. AXE. [OHEMGEE YES]
- when you were fifteen and still in the closet, you watched but I’m a cheerleader on your computer. Power dvd was life back then.. Now, you watch it with your mom.
- red wings, anyone? Who’s guilty?
- you’ve 69ed before.
- folk music. [damn straight]
- your fingernails are nonexistent and have been since the fall of the roman empire.
- i think from now on i'll just stick to the ladies, cause i hate shitty menz and i don't want shitty babiez
love is like falling and falling is like this.
i know, i know, i know, i'm still your love.
you can name the artists who wrote the three lyrics above. [i know the last one]
- NEVER EVER AGAIN. PLEASE.:THICK TERRY-CLOTH HEADBANDS WORN AT ALL TIMES.
SIDEBURNS.
ILL-FITTING WIGS.
MULLET
- Kate Clinton, ELLEN (just ellen, no need to say her last name...) And Margaret Cho are hysterical. [LESBIANS LOVE WHALE WATCHING. XDD]
- sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior are three VERY different things. And you can define each.
- DOMA and ENDA drive you insane. They pass DOMA, but they won’t pass ENDA? What is wrong with our government! Oh yeah....George Bush....
For the clearly straight kids, it’s defense of marriage amendment and employment non discrimination act.
- you feel REALLY sorry for Mary Cheney. Because you know her girlfriend sits at the kids’ table during family dinners on holidays. And you know that a nice lad from the neighborhood is brought in every year to sit next to her, so that people won’t get the wrong idea...
- but even sorrier for honest lesbians who got duped by asshole bi-curious whores. Gotta watch out, those trend bisexuals are like piranhas. [and how.]
- keeping you a secret, empress of the world, dare truth or promise, annie on my mind, girl walking backwards, am I blue?...yeah..they’re all on your shelf. [uhh yeah and only the best books EVER]
- let’s take a look at your ipod..let’s see...we’ve got some ani difranco, tegan and sara, le tigre, xiu xiu, peaches, gravy train, dar williams, melissa ferrick, melissa ethridge, indigo girls, k.d. lang, pretty girls make graves, rilo kiley, ladytron, the butchies, the ditty bops, lesbians on ecstasy, bikini kill, the organ, the colour, moving units, betty (but only the l word theme song), the l word season one AND two soundtracks, kinnie starr, sarah mclachlan, joan armatrading, sixpence none the richer, TATU!!! (they’re still hot even if it was a ploy to get famous), and antigone rising.
- you want to grow up and be just like adrienne rich, virginia woolf, audre lorde, hillary clinton, emily dickinson and gloria steinem.
- you know the biographies of elizabeth cady stanton, susan b. anthony, lucretia mott, sarah and angelina grimke
- you go to smith.
- you go to another seven sister school, and hook up with the smith girls.
- you know what the lavender menace is.
- you’ve had a wet dream involving angelina jolie, tegan and sara, or any cast member from the l word. [more than i can count...]
- you hate that angelina jolie is dating brad pitt and you wish it were the good ole’ days when she was still a practicing bisexual, dating that really cute asian model from foxfire.
- you’ve seen D.E.B.S. And yeah, admit it, you liked it. [FAVORITE. MOVIE. EVER.]
- you have a greater appreciation for rose troche, guinivere turner and ilene chaiken than you do steven spielberg.
- you think dana and alice are really cute together. BUT you loved dana and lara during the first season. Thinking about who makes a cuter couple aggravates you. You hope to have a marriage like bette and tina’s one day, where you can cheat and still love each other enough to get back together in the end! And have a multi-cultural baby! You despised Jenny during the first season, but she is secretly your favorite character now and you wonder why nobody else has noticed that she is the only character on the show who grew at all. You want to fuck kate moennig but not necessarily shane. You’re absolutely obsessed with sarah shahi.
- you describe yourself and your current/previous girlfriends in terms of l word characters. I’m a mixture of shane and jenny. Not alice. I want a carmen... What are you?! [i'm pretty much shane minus the promiscuity. maybe a little bit of alice thrown in there.]
- you are president, vice president, treasurer or secretary of your schools GSA. [secretary last year, webmaster 05-06, babyy!]
- your school doesn’t have a GSA, so you’re starting one.
- deep down, the u-haul and turkey bastor comfort you. [no but DAMN this one's funny]
- a date is always 24 hours long.
- teairra mari is secretly gay and you know it.
- when jerry falwell dies, you’re throwing a party.
- you’ve seen anita bryant get hit with that pie.
- every year you go to a plethora of pride parades...and you get strange tan spots from where the rainbows were painted on your body. But you’re DYING to go to the Michigan Womyn’s festival. Next year....
- a cruise is not a cruise, unless it is OLIVIA.
- you buy your jeans at abercrombie and fitch...they’re very gay friendly. Don’t believe it? Check out commercialcloset.org
- you own at least one piece of flannel (even if it was just a joke...)
- you get hotter girls than all of your male friends combined. [at least i like to think so]
- you know every lesbian celebrity and historical figure that ever lived. Thus including..some of the less obvious; sappho (founding mother), jane addams (WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HULL HOUSE!! I missed out..), tammy baldwin (go house of reps...), drew barrymore, brittany murphy (yeah..they’re both bi..whatever), simone de beauvoir, frida kahlo, virginia woolf, sandra bernhard, jodie foster (she can silence my lambs, anyday), eleanor roosevelt, annais nin, vita sackville west, the list goes on...yeah..there’s a lot more (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_famous_gay,_lesbian_or_bisexual_people)
- you bought the fourth season of six feet under just to watch all of the sex scenes between lauren ambrose and mena suvari. (THEY’RE REALLY CUTE!) [...wow i know what i'm getting next time i go to suncoast..]
- gay cinema..is the only cinema...
- you’re an artist or a writer (or some form of either) [writers represent]
- the hours made you cry.
- boys don’t cry, if these walls could talk 2, lost and delirious, gia, the laramie project, YOU KNOW YOU BAWLED LIKE A FUCKING SIX YEAR OLD.
- you get really pissed off when people ask you, "how do lesbians have sex?" ...you usually answer in a rude, curt way such as; "go fucking watch the l word" or "better than you do" or, "you are a dumbass." [i prefer "go ask your mom, she knows better than anyone."]
- you know what tribbing is and you have tribbed before
-when people ask you to describe tribbing, you get kind of annoyed and tell them to go look it up (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribadism)
- LESBIAN BED DEATH IS FAKE AND PEPPER SCHWARTZ CAN SUCK A COCK. (he wasn't a real sex researcher anyway..what the fuck does he know about lesbians)
-you know that freud called lesbians inverts and said that women who achieve clitoral orgasms are immature and infantile. you also know that you don't read freud anymore because he was a mysoginist and he didn't have a clit. most of his theories pertaining to women have not only been rejected by the majority of scholars and psychiatrists, but also prove that he sometimes talked out of his ass.
- tara and willow are forever in your heart. [you know it <3]
-ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT.
-the black triangle is awesome. and of course, you know that it originated from nazi germany, where it was one of a number of insignia used in concentration camps to designate different prisoner categories. black upside down triangle = lesbians.
- chapstick anyone? [yes, please]
- lipstick anyone?