CAERS. I have so many thoughts on Tony Stark and his larcenous, amoral, hyperactive penpal Jake Jensen. And how he is totally and completely confused about how anyone could possibly see a resemblance between Jake and Steve, because let's face it, Tony Stark doesn't actually see what people look like once he's figured out how they think.
Yes, fine, he can sort of imagine that they might look a little alike on the outside, but come on. They're completely different, and the idea that anyone could miss that is laughable. It's like that time someone tried to insinuate that he would sleep with Johnny Storm, when any idiot can see that Johnny and Steve are like matter and antimatter. Obviously Tony values his junk too much to put it anywhere near Johnny Storm when Steve is both possessive and stubborn as fuck about commitment.
(Okay, it's true that Steve is fine about Tony sleeping with other members of the team. And with Pepper. And Rhodey. But that's because all of them are on the list of exceptions. (No one who lives in the Baxter Building is on the list. Duh.)
Both Jake Jensen and Carlos Alvarez are also on the list, btw. But not for Tony. (What? Fair is fair, and Steve is not unaware of the fact that his current physical package is hot. Plus, Tony really likes watching Steve get fucked by other people. This cannot possibly be a surprise.))
I just DO NOT GET the urge to smash together Johnny Storm and Tony Stark. How is it possible that people fail to see what a TRAGIC, EPIC DISASTER that would be? They both CANONICALLY SET THINGS ON FIRE and THROW THEMSELVES OFF BUILDINGS.
Yes, fine, he can sort of imagine that they might look a little alike on the outside, but come on. They're completely different, and the idea that anyone could miss that is laughable. It's like that time someone tried to insinuate that he would sleep with Johnny Storm, when any idiot can see that Johnny and Steve are like matter and antimatter. Obviously Tony values his junk too much to put it anywhere near Johnny Storm when Steve is both possessive and stubborn as fuck about commitment.
(Okay, it's true that Steve is fine about Tony sleeping with other members of the team. And with Pepper. And Rhodey. But that's because all of them are on the list of exceptions. (No one who lives in the Baxter Building is on the list. Duh.)
Both Jake Jensen and Carlos Alvarez are also on the list, btw. But not for Tony. (What? Fair is fair, and Steve is not unaware of the fact that his current physical package is hot. Plus, Tony really likes watching Steve get fucked by other people. This cannot possibly be a surprise.))
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OMG JOHNNY STORM NO YOU HAVE BOBBY DRAKE K THANKS STAY AWAY
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Is my point.
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