Here you go!
Story Title: It's Cold Here Without You 2/4
Fandom: A:TLA
Characters: Suki, Sokka/Toph
Summary: After discovery that Sokka and Toph are in love, Suki embarks on a journey to heal and, along the way, find her true self. Implied one-sided Sokka/Suki with Sokka/Toph.
Suki wasn't sure when she was suddenly able to wake up dry-eyed, but it did happen.
Her eyes just opened slowly, and she turned her head and looked up at the sky. She was lying on her side, under a large canopy provided by a tree, and her clothes and hair were tangled and dirty due to days of neglect.
In the cold morning air, with dew on her clothes, Suki looked up at the cloudy blue sky above her and thought, quite clearly, What am I doing?
She rolled onto her back, throwing her arms and legs out akimbo. Her breaths came out in faint clouds and her body shook with cold that she found she didn't really feel.
The Long Nights, her mind thought suddenly. I forgot. I can't believe it…
Slowly, she pushed herself up, sitting up and leaning back onto her hands. Her head still tilted back, her eyes on the slow-moving clouds.
What I would give to be a cloud…
She couldn't go back. She knew that much was true. She felt it in her bones that, right now, going back to Kyoshi was out of the question. It was rich with too many memories, too many things that could set her off. She was already feeling so fragile enough, and she was miles from the Island.
Come to think of it, I have no idea where I am…
She was hungry, and thirsty, and starting to feel cold. She had lived in a haze of rage and sadness for long enough, seeing only red and living life as a whirlwind of vengeance.
But it's not even towards the right people…
And yet…even though she felt more awake than she had ever since leaving Kyoshi, she still felt that raw, jealous and furious hate in her breast.
But it's not Sokka or Toph I hate…
With a snarl, she flung herself back down, her hands going to her face, her nails nearly digging into her skin. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will the hot tears in her eyes back into her ducts, but of course they would not obey.
But they thawed her out, at least. When they finally stopped, she felt drained but far lighter. With a final cough, she got to her feet and started walking, unsure of where she was going but fine with it as long as it had food and drink.
"You, miss, look like you've been sleeping under a log."
Suki blinked, her eyes squinting against the sudden lighting change, trying to adjust. She frowned, not liking the tone of voice or the words that were said, but who was she to judge? She probably did look terrible; she certainly felt terrible.
Carefully, she walked into the room as her eyes gradually focused on her surroundings. The place was almost empty, save one or two people, due to the early hour of the day. It was the first place she had seen, so she didn't really care what state it was in, but was surprised by how quiet it was.
"Thanks," she said in reply, her voice a little raspy. She made her way over to one of the small tables, noting from the corner of her eye that the person who greeted her was the barista. The older woman made her way from behind the bar to where Suki now sat, a grubby notepad in hand and a disapproving glint in her eye.
"So?" the woman asked. "What'll you have?"
Suki blinked. "What do you have?"
"You came in here not knowing what you wanted?"
"I didn't know I was supposed to have the menu memorised in advance," Suki answered, unable to keep impatience from giving her voice a bite. She was tired, hungry and heartbroken. She really wasn't in the mood for this.
She was sure that the barista was going to throw her out on the spot, and she started getting up, but to her surprise, the older woman laughed, a long and loud guffaw of a laugh that seemed to fill the entire space.
It had been a long time since Suki had heard anyone laugh. At least, it felt that way. Suki managed a small smile, but even then, despite the fact that the sound of laughter felt good, it still hurt too much to laugh herself.
"Can I just have something warm, like soup, and some tea?" Suki wondered softly.
In the end, the barista seemed to warm to her. She gave Suki a huge bowl of creamy potato soup flavoured with lentils and only charged her for a small. Suki was grateful, since a quite assessment of her coinpurse proved that she was getting skint with all of her careless traveling. She couldn't even afford a place to stay quite yet.
She sighed into her soup. She knew that she was acting pathetic, but even when she tried to think of something else, just one though of Sokka - and in turn, Toph - made her want to curl up under the table and cry. And those thoughts just made her angry...
Everything changes and nothing stays the same...
When she was finished, Suki paid the barista and tried to tip as nicely as possible without forcing her into even worse poverty than she already was. She left without a second thought, her mind already miles away, buried in cold snow.
Suki decided early that she was going to sleep outside again. There was something about the fresh cool air of the Earth Kingdom that seemed just right to her. Her heart felt too hot and her mind felt too cold, but with the calm air and solid earth surrounding her, she felt better.
It was strange; Suki was born off the island of Kyoshi, but she had always considered herself a Kyoshi girl through-and-through. For the first time in a long time, she felt more like an Earth Kingdom woman and no longer separate.
It confused her. Did it mean she didn't want to return to Kyoshi? Did it mean she wanted to go home, or did it mean something else?
What does anything mean now? She thought, a flare of sudden anger biting into her gut.
She stopped, looking around her. She was a long way from where she started, but that was as far as her knowledge took her. The small inn was the only building she had seen in days, and from the looks of her surroundings, she still had several days to go before she found more.
She sighed, then found a shaded patch of grass and sat in it. She knew she should be hungry, after hours of just walking, but if she was she didn't feel it, and even if she did she found herself caring very little. She folded her legs to her chest and hugged them, resting her chin on her knees, her eyes shutting. I should have thought ahead, she thought.
It wasn't until much later that she realised she wasn't just thinking about her little trip into the Earth Kingdom; it was about her whole life. She had been so sure that Sokka was going to be with her for life. There was very little in her mind to doubt that. For the first few years during the new peace, Sokka was barely seen away from her, always helping her, first in Ba Sing Se, at home on Kyoshi Island. He was a staple, a key component, and he had always made himself visible, always kept himself right there. Of course it was easy to assume that he would stay there...
Suki opened her eyes, looking at nothing. I took it for granted that he would always be there.
His relationship with Toph wasn't as out-of-the-blue as it felt. She had various hints about it over the years, especially when Toph and Sokka would go drinking and come back all touchy-feely and laughing. Suki had always felt jealous around them for that, since Sokka had never laughed with her that way, had never thought to go drinking with her like that...but she had always thought it was just jealousy, something that was her problem. She never would have guessed that it was more than a deep and wonderful friendship.
Ah, it hurts, she thought, gritting her teeth against the pain in her chest, her eyes running over and dripping onto her knees. It hurts so bad, to be so stupid, so full of hope for something, to want and yearn and love, only to have it all burn up in my face. In all of her years as a Warrior, she had been hurt dozens of times over, but nothing - nothing - felt worse than this kind of pain.
Suki hadn't realised she fell asleep until she woke up. She was curled on her side awkwardly, her legs bent up and her arms sprawled out, and she groaned, the position sending aches through her. She opened her eyes and eased out of the horrible position - only to freeze. It was nighttime. She had slept the day away!
If this had been any time and place - especially during the Long Nights - Suki would have panicked. Indeed, she even felt the initial stirrings of the emotion before she realised, quite suddenly, that it didn't matter. Right now, she had no where to be. Right now, she had no one to see. She could sleep a week and it wouldn't matter.
The sad thoughts made her ache inside, but instead of curling up on herself, she got to her feet. She needed to take care of more urgent needs, and no amount of self-pity would change that. Lucky for her, the copse she had chosen as her bedroom was thick with trees and offered privacy from the main trail, so she was left undisturbed.
Probably the worst part - other than having to find a place to pee in the dark in some strange woods - was the fact that she was hungry and thirsty again and felt horribly grimy with sweat and dirt and who knew what else. With a sigh, she walked deeper into the copse, using both her eyes and nose to try and find some source of water to use to clean up.
She probably should have been afraid, since she was lost in the dark woods alone and a woman. But if the past few days had proven anything, it was that she could hold her own against aggressors who sought her harm. She had come a long way from the green little Warrior she had been fighting against Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai.
Besides, there was something serene in the stillness of the night, something that hinted that the world was sleeping along with the sun and she could do anything without a sound. It was comforting.
It took a while, but Suki finally managed to find a place. It was a medium-sized pit of water, one that had a small stream leading from it, so the source was probably from some place bigger. When she leaned in and dipped a hand in for a test, she found the water cool and clear. She dangled her fingers in for a moment, testing for any kind of fish life that might want a taste of her, but none came, so she decided it was good enough.
The night air was pleasant on her skin as she undressed. It wasn't cold enough to give her a chill, but it was cool enough to wake her up and keep her thoughts clear and her eyes open. She liked that. She had always liked that. As she lowered herself into the water, she found that it was a little more bracing, but she got used to it quick enough, so she could deal with it. She sighed, just lying there for a moment, intent on not thinking of anything other than the fact that she was in nice water and that she was going to be clean soon.
When she found herself feeling more awake, she reached to her clothes and dug around, searching through her bag for that one emergency bar of soap she always kept on her, just in case. She found it, and her world was filled with the use of it for several more moments. She was intent on getting the days' worth of grime and fury off of her skin and hair. She was tired of feeling like someone other than who she was.
Once she was clean, she set the soap aside and just floated in the water, her eyes shut. She felt cleaner than she should, and she wondered if she had somehow cleaned the part of her inside that was hurting so badly. It was a nice thought.
She opened her eyes and leaned back, looking up into the blanket of stars above her. With a jolt, she realised that, without her noticing, the moon had crested above her and was hovering like a beacon a little to the left of her head. She stared, her heart thudding hard within her breast. A sudden thought came unbidden to her, one she fought to claw away, but it came to her all the same.
"So..." she said, leaning in close to Sokka and grinning. It was shortly after that horrible play, and Suki was in the mood for teasing. "The Moon Spirit, huh? Did you really make out, or was that just something made up like most of the rest of it?"
Sokka reddened, just like he had in the theatre. "It, uh, happened," he admitted.
She blinked, surprised. "Really! You have to tell me the story!"
When he scowled and tried to move away, she grabbed his arm and dragged him back. "Come on, Sokka! Tell me a story! Don't be such a baby. What, are you worried about my feelings? Please!"
So he relented, and told her everything.
And in the end, she found herself feeling bad for teasing him.
Now she stared up at the celestial body above her, unable to tear her gaze away. The moon. A girl - barely a woman - named Yue. You had loved him too, once, didn't you? Suki found herself thinking, her eyes stinging. Only he had to let you go, and not the other way around...
The tears fell, joining the water that enveloped her skin. But they felt different this time. Oddly, they felt...almost...soothing. It was a nice change. It didn't stop the tears, but it helped her, deeper within.
Fandom: A:TLA
Characters: Suki, Sokka/Toph
Summary: After discovery that Sokka and Toph are in love, Suki embarks on a journey to heal and, along the way, find her true self. Implied one-sided Sokka/Suki with Sokka/Toph.
Suki wasn't sure when she was suddenly able to wake up dry-eyed, but it did happen.
Her eyes just opened slowly, and she turned her head and looked up at the sky. She was lying on her side, under a large canopy provided by a tree, and her clothes and hair were tangled and dirty due to days of neglect.
In the cold morning air, with dew on her clothes, Suki looked up at the cloudy blue sky above her and thought, quite clearly, What am I doing?
She rolled onto her back, throwing her arms and legs out akimbo. Her breaths came out in faint clouds and her body shook with cold that she found she didn't really feel.
The Long Nights, her mind thought suddenly. I forgot. I can't believe it…
Slowly, she pushed herself up, sitting up and leaning back onto her hands. Her head still tilted back, her eyes on the slow-moving clouds.
What I would give to be a cloud…
She couldn't go back. She knew that much was true. She felt it in her bones that, right now, going back to Kyoshi was out of the question. It was rich with too many memories, too many things that could set her off. She was already feeling so fragile enough, and she was miles from the Island.
Come to think of it, I have no idea where I am…
She was hungry, and thirsty, and starting to feel cold. She had lived in a haze of rage and sadness for long enough, seeing only red and living life as a whirlwind of vengeance.
But it's not even towards the right people…
And yet…even though she felt more awake than she had ever since leaving Kyoshi, she still felt that raw, jealous and furious hate in her breast.
But it's not Sokka or Toph I hate…
With a snarl, she flung herself back down, her hands going to her face, her nails nearly digging into her skin. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will the hot tears in her eyes back into her ducts, but of course they would not obey.
But they thawed her out, at least. When they finally stopped, she felt drained but far lighter. With a final cough, she got to her feet and started walking, unsure of where she was going but fine with it as long as it had food and drink.
"You, miss, look like you've been sleeping under a log."
Suki blinked, her eyes squinting against the sudden lighting change, trying to adjust. She frowned, not liking the tone of voice or the words that were said, but who was she to judge? She probably did look terrible; she certainly felt terrible.
Carefully, she walked into the room as her eyes gradually focused on her surroundings. The place was almost empty, save one or two people, due to the early hour of the day. It was the first place she had seen, so she didn't really care what state it was in, but was surprised by how quiet it was.
"Thanks," she said in reply, her voice a little raspy. She made her way over to one of the small tables, noting from the corner of her eye that the person who greeted her was the barista. The older woman made her way from behind the bar to where Suki now sat, a grubby notepad in hand and a disapproving glint in her eye.
"So?" the woman asked. "What'll you have?"
Suki blinked. "What do you have?"
"You came in here not knowing what you wanted?"
"I didn't know I was supposed to have the menu memorised in advance," Suki answered, unable to keep impatience from giving her voice a bite. She was tired, hungry and heartbroken. She really wasn't in the mood for this.
She was sure that the barista was going to throw her out on the spot, and she started getting up, but to her surprise, the older woman laughed, a long and loud guffaw of a laugh that seemed to fill the entire space.
It had been a long time since Suki had heard anyone laugh. At least, it felt that way. Suki managed a small smile, but even then, despite the fact that the sound of laughter felt good, it still hurt too much to laugh herself.
"Can I just have something warm, like soup, and some tea?" Suki wondered softly.
In the end, the barista seemed to warm to her. She gave Suki a huge bowl of creamy potato soup flavoured with lentils and only charged her for a small. Suki was grateful, since a quite assessment of her coinpurse proved that she was getting skint with all of her careless traveling. She couldn't even afford a place to stay quite yet.
She sighed into her soup. She knew that she was acting pathetic, but even when she tried to think of something else, just one though of Sokka - and in turn, Toph - made her want to curl up under the table and cry. And those thoughts just made her angry...
Everything changes and nothing stays the same...
When she was finished, Suki paid the barista and tried to tip as nicely as possible without forcing her into even worse poverty than she already was. She left without a second thought, her mind already miles away, buried in cold snow.
Suki decided early that she was going to sleep outside again. There was something about the fresh cool air of the Earth Kingdom that seemed just right to her. Her heart felt too hot and her mind felt too cold, but with the calm air and solid earth surrounding her, she felt better.
It was strange; Suki was born off the island of Kyoshi, but she had always considered herself a Kyoshi girl through-and-through. For the first time in a long time, she felt more like an Earth Kingdom woman and no longer separate.
It confused her. Did it mean she didn't want to return to Kyoshi? Did it mean she wanted to go home, or did it mean something else?
What does anything mean now? She thought, a flare of sudden anger biting into her gut.
She stopped, looking around her. She was a long way from where she started, but that was as far as her knowledge took her. The small inn was the only building she had seen in days, and from the looks of her surroundings, she still had several days to go before she found more.
She sighed, then found a shaded patch of grass and sat in it. She knew she should be hungry, after hours of just walking, but if she was she didn't feel it, and even if she did she found herself caring very little. She folded her legs to her chest and hugged them, resting her chin on her knees, her eyes shutting. I should have thought ahead, she thought.
It wasn't until much later that she realised she wasn't just thinking about her little trip into the Earth Kingdom; it was about her whole life. She had been so sure that Sokka was going to be with her for life. There was very little in her mind to doubt that. For the first few years during the new peace, Sokka was barely seen away from her, always helping her, first in Ba Sing Se, at home on Kyoshi Island. He was a staple, a key component, and he had always made himself visible, always kept himself right there. Of course it was easy to assume that he would stay there...
Suki opened her eyes, looking at nothing. I took it for granted that he would always be there.
His relationship with Toph wasn't as out-of-the-blue as it felt. She had various hints about it over the years, especially when Toph and Sokka would go drinking and come back all touchy-feely and laughing. Suki had always felt jealous around them for that, since Sokka had never laughed with her that way, had never thought to go drinking with her like that...but she had always thought it was just jealousy, something that was her problem. She never would have guessed that it was more than a deep and wonderful friendship.
Ah, it hurts, she thought, gritting her teeth against the pain in her chest, her eyes running over and dripping onto her knees. It hurts so bad, to be so stupid, so full of hope for something, to want and yearn and love, only to have it all burn up in my face. In all of her years as a Warrior, she had been hurt dozens of times over, but nothing - nothing - felt worse than this kind of pain.
Suki hadn't realised she fell asleep until she woke up. She was curled on her side awkwardly, her legs bent up and her arms sprawled out, and she groaned, the position sending aches through her. She opened her eyes and eased out of the horrible position - only to freeze. It was nighttime. She had slept the day away!
If this had been any time and place - especially during the Long Nights - Suki would have panicked. Indeed, she even felt the initial stirrings of the emotion before she realised, quite suddenly, that it didn't matter. Right now, she had no where to be. Right now, she had no one to see. She could sleep a week and it wouldn't matter.
The sad thoughts made her ache inside, but instead of curling up on herself, she got to her feet. She needed to take care of more urgent needs, and no amount of self-pity would change that. Lucky for her, the copse she had chosen as her bedroom was thick with trees and offered privacy from the main trail, so she was left undisturbed.
Probably the worst part - other than having to find a place to pee in the dark in some strange woods - was the fact that she was hungry and thirsty again and felt horribly grimy with sweat and dirt and who knew what else. With a sigh, she walked deeper into the copse, using both her eyes and nose to try and find some source of water to use to clean up.
She probably should have been afraid, since she was lost in the dark woods alone and a woman. But if the past few days had proven anything, it was that she could hold her own against aggressors who sought her harm. She had come a long way from the green little Warrior she had been fighting against Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai.
Besides, there was something serene in the stillness of the night, something that hinted that the world was sleeping along with the sun and she could do anything without a sound. It was comforting.
It took a while, but Suki finally managed to find a place. It was a medium-sized pit of water, one that had a small stream leading from it, so the source was probably from some place bigger. When she leaned in and dipped a hand in for a test, she found the water cool and clear. She dangled her fingers in for a moment, testing for any kind of fish life that might want a taste of her, but none came, so she decided it was good enough.
The night air was pleasant on her skin as she undressed. It wasn't cold enough to give her a chill, but it was cool enough to wake her up and keep her thoughts clear and her eyes open. She liked that. She had always liked that. As she lowered herself into the water, she found that it was a little more bracing, but she got used to it quick enough, so she could deal with it. She sighed, just lying there for a moment, intent on not thinking of anything other than the fact that she was in nice water and that she was going to be clean soon.
When she found herself feeling more awake, she reached to her clothes and dug around, searching through her bag for that one emergency bar of soap she always kept on her, just in case. She found it, and her world was filled with the use of it for several more moments. She was intent on getting the days' worth of grime and fury off of her skin and hair. She was tired of feeling like someone other than who she was.
Once she was clean, she set the soap aside and just floated in the water, her eyes shut. She felt cleaner than she should, and she wondered if she had somehow cleaned the part of her inside that was hurting so badly. It was a nice thought.
She opened her eyes and leaned back, looking up into the blanket of stars above her. With a jolt, she realised that, without her noticing, the moon had crested above her and was hovering like a beacon a little to the left of her head. She stared, her heart thudding hard within her breast. A sudden thought came unbidden to her, one she fought to claw away, but it came to her all the same.
"So..." she said, leaning in close to Sokka and grinning. It was shortly after that horrible play, and Suki was in the mood for teasing. "The Moon Spirit, huh? Did you really make out, or was that just something made up like most of the rest of it?"
Sokka reddened, just like he had in the theatre. "It, uh, happened," he admitted.
She blinked, surprised. "Really! You have to tell me the story!"
When he scowled and tried to move away, she grabbed his arm and dragged him back. "Come on, Sokka! Tell me a story! Don't be such a baby. What, are you worried about my feelings? Please!"
So he relented, and told her everything.
And in the end, she found herself feeling bad for teasing him.
Now she stared up at the celestial body above her, unable to tear her gaze away. The moon. A girl - barely a woman - named Yue. You had loved him too, once, didn't you? Suki found herself thinking, her eyes stinging. Only he had to let you go, and not the other way around...
The tears fell, joining the water that enveloped her skin. But they felt different this time. Oddly, they felt...almost...soothing. It was a nice change. It didn't stop the tears, but it helped her, deeper within.