Train Memories
Title: Train Memories
Author: omona_shi
Character: Sungmin
Genre: !angst.
Rating: G
Warnings: After Super Junior Breakup. Sadness- a lot of sadness..
Summary: Sometimes nostalgia and remniscing can either be good or bad.
[A/N: Promised for crissixx - well, she wanted fluff, and I know I promised her a long time ago, but here's a Minnie centric- and sorry for the angst and the lateness. ><]
Train Memories
And !angst Sungmin Centric
[Theme Song: River Flows in You - Yiruma]
It’s dusk and Sungmin can feel the heat on his face from the intensified light from the sunset. His first reaction is to shrink to the left where there is a middle aged woman conveniently blocking the glare of UV, but he stops mid-movement, smiling bitterly when he suddenly remembers that he’s not an idol anymore. There isn’t a need to keep his skin the most beautiful anymore and he doesn’t have to wear a mask when he goes out in public anymore.
Absentmindedly, Sungmin reaches down to his pocket and fingers the corner of his train ticket that pops out of his pocket and realizes that this is the first time in six years he has been on the subway. When he had arrived earlier, people still smiled at him, waved if it was an ex-Super Junior fan, but he hates the stabbing feeling it has on him when he tries to smile and wave back like he used to. He still loves being called ‘Super Junior’s Lee Sungmin’, but it’s all passed now and he knows that no matter how much he wants it all back, all the memories, all the experiences, all the love, it won’t come back. The entertainment industry has its new stars now, new ‘Super Junior’s, and the thirteen of them knew that it was time to finish and let go.
Sungmin definitely had enough money to keep him going for the rest of his life and even if it wasn’t, he could always sell his car second hand. He doubts that his clothes and pictures will be worth much now even if he sends it to an auction or charity. Sungmin remembers the days when Teuk-hyung and Hyukjae had donated some of their accessories and had raised more than anything else sold in the auction for charity. It brings a sad smile on his face and he raises a hand up to his hair, running it through a few times before sighing again.
Once upon a time, he had wanted a normal life back, wondering what it would have been like to just be his parent’s Lee Sungmin and most probably he would have ended up in an office, somewhere where age wouldn’t matter, training wouldn’t matter and popularity wouldn’t matter.
But it still beats in him, the essence of once having been one of the best artists in Asia still lives on and he’s sure now that the thudding ache won’t really ever leave him. The suitcases he brings with him sums him all up- everything that he owns, everything that he is, has been, and ever will be. Maybe, as a whim, he would ask his friend to help him download all of Super Junior’s previous performances and he would watch them some odd day or another, wallowing in his own depression. The familiar flashing background lights would appear again on that screen and he’d be reminded of the reason why he was willing to go through the stress, the lack of sleep and the pain of not being allowed to date. He would smile mutely at the figures on his computer and move his hands in small motions, following the choreography he had beaten into himself during album preparations. Sungmin already knows what parting is like and he knows that he really shouldn’t be thinking about Super Junior anymore, but he’s torn between healing and the only thing that ever gave him worth. Or perhaps he could learn to be content with a life where he means nothing to society in order to balance the 18 years of having paparazzi following his every move, breath and flicker of expression.
He feels the tears coming and he reaches up to pinch his throat, desperate to get rid of the sore ache of one having to hold in tears. His eyes don’t listen to him, however, and he covers his face quickly with two hands, trying not to scare other passengers with his undoubtedly red and flushed face. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see the woman shading the sun watch him worriedly and he smiles weakly in reply, waving a hand at her half-heartedly.
Maybe it’s the years of stress and accumulated tears finally getting to him and it’s humiliating to cry like this, but the faces keep on popping up in front of him. It’s Leeteuk-hyung first- the man who had pulled all thirteen of them through hellish training and days of incurable depression. It would always be Leeteuk who would pick him up after he fell and Sungmin knew that his stress and pressure would be the greatest of them all.
Then it’s Kangin, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Yesung, Ryeowook, Shindong, Hangeng, Heechul, Kibum then Kyuhyunnie. Sungmin can’t help but let out a short bark of laughter at Kyuhyun. Sometimes it would seriously amuse them both when they read ‘Kyumin’ fanfictions in the dead of night together and they’d fall asleep, feeling guiltily and ridiculous at the same time.
Soon, the silent shaking stops and he drags his right palm down his face, quickly wiping off any tears. He’s tired now after all the crying, but he feels better.
There is a sudden jolt of the carriage and he’s thrown back into his surroundings. It’s his station and Sungmin picks up his two suitcases and steps out onto the platform, a gust of cold wind causing him to flinch involuntarily.
He’s never going to see Super Junior ever again- now that he’s moved away from his members and into the countryside. Sungmin stands and watches as the train closes its door and leaves, the nostalgic churning of the wheels numbing his mind. Taking one last deep breath, he smiles, picks up his belongings and heads silently towards the taxi stand.
Thank you for reading and commenting! ^^