U-Kiss Vampire Show Recap: Episode 1 [Another Gay U-Kiss Show]
Well, well, well. Omona_Queer's adopted gay babies got a show! So I took it upon myself to write a recap. Why you say? Well, I'll allow Dongho's sassy intro pose to speak for itself.
Here we are, the first episode of U-Kiss' Vampire Show. It's somewhat of a social experiment, wherein the primary goal is to conduct an depth analysis of how people of various blood types relate to one another.
I, of course will be ignoring all that bullshit and conducting my own research. I will methodically analyze precisely how much gay U-Kiss will be able to fit into a 30 minute broadcast.
Barely a minute in and already off the charts. U-kiss never disappoints.
The show begins by grouping the boys according to Blood Type and seeing how they react to stank-ass breath.
Everyone pretty much stays cool about it. Except for Kiseob their gorgeous new member.
My Korean's a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure he told that bitch her breath was Asstacular.
We then cut to Soohyun on his way to pick up Dongho from his apartment on Christopher Street. Dongho's not there yet, presumably because his mani-pedi ran late.
He eventually arrives, toting a large designer handbag and a puppy.
He's such a Samantha.
As for the puppy, Dongho never gives us a formal introduction, but...
I'm pretty sure her name is Liza and she only drinks Perrier.
Speaking of bitches...
Oh... wait... nevermind, that's HyungJoon, the good twin.
I meant, this bitch.
Ugh, If you're not yet sure why I think Kibum is king douche, then you either haven't watched U-Kiss' other shows, or you just thought Kibum and Kevin were reenacting scenes from What's Love Got To Do With It. But don't worry, you'll get a little taste of douchery by the end of this episode.
Although I will admit, it was super cute when he was talking to the navigation system. Still though.
Now we roll up on the rest of the gang, waiting outside, freezing their tits off.
Eventually Soohyun, Dongho and Kibum arrive and after hen-pecking Dongho about his lateness, the girls go inside and check out the dorm.
It's nothing special but they practically shit themselves over it. Eh, any excuse for a celebratory dry-hump I suppose.
They group the roommates according to blood-type, which means Kiseob and Soohyun will be screwing in one room, while Kevin, Xander, Eli and Kibum will have a wild, dirty orgy in the other.
Dongho's still a minor so he'll be rooming with his right hand and a director's cut of the Jonas Brother's Movie.
Oh... and the manager.
HA HA!
Kiseob and Soohyun go into their room to *ahem* unpack and discover the hidden camera (kinky). Kiseob pulls some essential items from his Louis Vuitton bag
(oh, yeah that's not a joke)
In fact, most of U-Kiss rock Louis V. That's that Man Man Ha Ni money, bitches.
Included in these essential items are a few black and white framed photos of himself (taken by David LaChapelle), some snacks for carbo-loading, his skincare regimen, and some extra-slick KY.
Dongho barely unpacks, but remembers to air out his outfit for the Furry convention later on...
yyyeah... I don't know either.
You'd think with arguably, the most fun members of U-Kiss rooming together, watching them unpack might be somewhat exciting. Turns out, not so much.
Next, they all gather in the living room to write out their gay agenda and talk about farts. But eagle-eyed shippers may have noticed something interesting...
MMMMMMMHHHHHMMMMMM.... Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions but it looks like Kevin finally wised up and ditched Kibum for a man that will treat him with some got-damn respect. G'ahead gurl I ain't mad at you.
Anyway, all the farting and skinship makes U-Kiss hungry so they send Kevin, Soohyun and Dongho out to stock up on food and tampons.
They whore out Kevin in an attempt to save a little cash...
Meanwhile, at the apartment, the other members are sitting in front of the TV, figuring out which SHInee members are bottoms.
(Answer: all of them)
Kiseob and Xander partake in a bit of girl group dance-off.
Judging from Xander's face... shit got a little intense.
Xander proceeds to be perfect and beautiful in every way.
The others arrive home and they all get ready to cook. Yep, just your average, run of the mill cooking prep.
But the mood is apparently too light-hearted for Kibum's taste so he starts some shit.
Listen, to be honest I'm not really sure what happened here, one minute they're talking about when and how to cook the meat and the next thing I know Miss Kibum had herself a little bitch-fit.
Since, Kibum's temper tantrums appear to be de rigeur, the members continue doing what they do best... which is of course being gayer than Christmas...
they sing, they dance, they makeout...
Then... Kibum's douche levels reach a fever pitch
He throws a full on hissy fit and leaves the kitchen.
The other members notice but don't really seem to give a fuck, which is pretty funny actually. But nothing gives me more insight into the dynamics of Kibum's dickery than this...
I feel you Eli. I feel You.
We end with Kibum packing up his Louis V bag and getting ready to ride his broomstick on up out of there...
... I know I'm supposed to be all "Uh Oh!" "DUN DUN DUNNNN..." but really i'm just like...
"GURL, BYE!"
The other members apparently feel the same way because they're all still chilling in the kitchen singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead". Whatever, Kibum, get you some extra-strength Midol and stop being such a Drama Queen.
And this is the end, my friends... tune in next week when we'll answer the question: On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, how mad is Kibum?
Here we are, the first episode of U-Kiss' Vampire Show. It's somewhat of a social experiment, wherein the primary goal is to conduct an depth analysis of how people of various blood types relate to one another.
I, of course will be ignoring all that bullshit and conducting my own research. I will methodically analyze precisely how much gay U-Kiss will be able to fit into a 30 minute broadcast.
Barely a minute in and already off the charts. U-kiss never disappoints.
The show begins by grouping the boys according to Blood Type and seeing how they react to stank-ass breath.
Everyone pretty much stays cool about it. Except for Kiseob their gorgeous new member.
My Korean's a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure he told that bitch her breath was Asstacular.
We then cut to Soohyun on his way to pick up Dongho from his apartment on Christopher Street. Dongho's not there yet, presumably because his mani-pedi ran late.
He eventually arrives, toting a large designer handbag and a puppy.
He's such a Samantha.
As for the puppy, Dongho never gives us a formal introduction, but...
I'm pretty sure her name is Liza and she only drinks Perrier.
Speaking of bitches...
Oh... wait... nevermind, that's HyungJoon, the good twin.
I meant, this bitch.
Ugh, If you're not yet sure why I think Kibum is king douche, then you either haven't watched U-Kiss' other shows, or you just thought Kibum and Kevin were reenacting scenes from What's Love Got To Do With It. But don't worry, you'll get a little taste of douchery by the end of this episode.
Although I will admit, it was super cute when he was talking to the navigation system. Still though.
Now we roll up on the rest of the gang, waiting outside, freezing their tits off.
Eventually Soohyun, Dongho and Kibum arrive and after hen-pecking Dongho about his lateness, the girls go inside and check out the dorm.
It's nothing special but they practically shit themselves over it. Eh, any excuse for a celebratory dry-hump I suppose.
They group the roommates according to blood-type, which means Kiseob and Soohyun will be screwing in one room, while Kevin, Xander, Eli and Kibum will have a wild, dirty orgy in the other.
Dongho's still a minor so he'll be rooming with his right hand and a director's cut of the Jonas Brother's Movie.
Oh... and the manager.
HA HA!
Kiseob and Soohyun go into their room to *ahem* unpack and discover the hidden camera (kinky). Kiseob pulls some essential items from his Louis Vuitton bag
(oh, yeah that's not a joke)
In fact, most of U-Kiss rock Louis V. That's that Man Man Ha Ni money, bitches.
Included in these essential items are a few black and white framed photos of himself (taken by David LaChapelle), some snacks for carbo-loading, his skincare regimen, and some extra-slick KY.
Dongho barely unpacks, but remembers to air out his outfit for the Furry convention later on...
yyyeah... I don't know either.
You'd think with arguably, the most fun members of U-Kiss rooming together, watching them unpack might be somewhat exciting. Turns out, not so much.
Next, they all gather in the living room to write out their gay agenda and talk about farts. But eagle-eyed shippers may have noticed something interesting...
MMMMMMMHHHHHMMMMMM.... Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions but it looks like Kevin finally wised up and ditched Kibum for a man that will treat him with some got-damn respect. G'ahead gurl I ain't mad at you.
Anyway, all the farting and skinship makes U-Kiss hungry so they send Kevin, Soohyun and Dongho out to stock up on food and tampons.
They whore out Kevin in an attempt to save a little cash...
Meanwhile, at the apartment, the other members are sitting in front of the TV, figuring out which SHInee members are bottoms.
(Answer: all of them)
Kiseob and Xander partake in a bit of girl group dance-off.
Judging from Xander's face... shit got a little intense.
Xander proceeds to be perfect and beautiful in every way.
The others arrive home and they all get ready to cook. Yep, just your average, run of the mill cooking prep.
But the mood is apparently too light-hearted for Kibum's taste so he starts some shit.
Listen, to be honest I'm not really sure what happened here, one minute they're talking about when and how to cook the meat and the next thing I know Miss Kibum had herself a little bitch-fit.
Since, Kibum's temper tantrums appear to be de rigeur, the members continue doing what they do best... which is of course being gayer than Christmas...
they sing, they dance, they makeout...
Then... Kibum's douche levels reach a fever pitch
He throws a full on hissy fit and leaves the kitchen.
The other members notice but don't really seem to give a fuck, which is pretty funny actually. But nothing gives me more insight into the dynamics of Kibum's dickery than this...
I feel you Eli. I feel You.
We end with Kibum packing up his Louis V bag and getting ready to ride his broomstick on up out of there...
... I know I'm supposed to be all "Uh Oh!" "DUN DUN DUNNNN..." but really i'm just like...
"GURL, BYE!"
The other members apparently feel the same way because they're all still chilling in the kitchen singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead". Whatever, Kibum, get you some extra-strength Midol and stop being such a Drama Queen.
And this is the end, my friends... tune in next week when we'll answer the question: On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, how mad is Kibum?