misc xiuhan drabbles // exo
R, 652w, bit angsty
Five, ten years down the line, Lu Han has every inch of Minseok's body committed to memory, the same way he used to imprint their early choreography right into his muscle memory. In the darkness of 1:30 in the morning, he touches Minseok with confidence born of familiarity. He trails his fingertips lightly across Minseok's throat, hops his fingers down each little speed bump of Minseok's rib cage, smoothes his palm in soft circles over Minseok's sharp hipbone. When the skin on Minseok's upper arms prickles into goosebumps at his touch, he's anticipated them already, rubbing them away vigorously with his free hand.
Sometimes Lu Han wanders downwards slowly, taking his time to build up the anticipation for both of them, measuring out Minseok's each breath as it quickens. After so many years, he reads Minseok effortlessly, understanding just what a breathy sigh or the shift of a leg means. He likes to take his time until Minseok is panting under him, clutching at his shoulders and pleading with him in Chinese and then in Korean, wo qiu ni le, jebalro. Lu Han loves the way Minseok gives himself up bit by bit, letting Lu Han take control of his body until he explodes, arching, into Lu Han's hands or his mouth. It doesn't even matter that Lu Han has to wait, aching, for his own release; it's unimportant. All he really wants is to make Minseok feel good, indulge him and let him forget himself for a moment. Lu Han can forget his own self for that.
Other times, Lu Han catches the look in Minseok's eyes when he looks at his own reflection, and it feels like a punch in the gut. On these nights, as though a nerve gets stuck somewhere, Lu Han feels the need to push into Minseok hard, like he can drive the demon of self-loathing out of Minseok's eyes if he can just reach a little deeper, fill Minseok a little fuller. Lu Han scares himself a little when he loses control over his patience like that, unaccustomed to feeling so strongly that the emotions just take over. But then Minseok wraps arms and legs around him like he wants to climb into Lu Han, like he can't get close enough, like they could melt and become one, and Lu Han moves with the pull of Minseok's unspoken yearning like the tug of gravity. The new angle allows Lu Han to slip in a little further, and they both come with a cry of mingled love and anguish.
Once in a while, afterwards, he finds tiny spots of dampness on the pillow when he rests his forehead there next to Minseok's. He never mentions it, never does anything to let Minseok know he knows, because he understands Minseok and knows that it would feel like defeat to the older man if that rawest part of him were put into words. They're neither of them big talkers anyway. Sweat, Lu Han tells himself, it's just sweat, and then turns his head to lick another salty droplet off Minseok's temple.
He shifts his weight to the side when he feels Minseok's fingers digging into his side, but doesn't tickle back because he can't stand to feel how sharp Minseok's ribs are anymore. Soon, without noticing what he's doing, Lu Han starts petting Minseok again, habitually unable to keep his hands off. In the beginning, he'd find himself reaching out for Minseok just because he wanted to. He'd loved the feel of Minseok's muscles, solid as a wall underneath soft skin that was always cool to the touch. These days, the more Minseok hides himself behind darkness and diet fads, the more Luhan sticks to him - arm around waist, cheek against cheek, thighs pressed together. Every chance he gets he touches Minseok, afraid that one day soon he'll reach out his hand and find nothing left.
PG, 434w, this happened and my friend was like "uh oh lu's gonna be pissed" and jealous!deer is my second favorite deer (right after possessive!deer) so
"What the fuck!" Lu Han yells at the top of his voice, loud enough that Minseok is really glad they'd let the others leave for dinner first. He and Lu Han are the oldest, they're supposed to set an example for the others and get along well, not have fights about petty things. "Did you think I wouldn't see?"
Minseok rolls his eyes, impatient with the way Lu Han is making such a big deal over nothing. "We were on national television, I'm not dumb, of course you were going to see. And? Just what did I do that was so wrong? Like you've never hugged someone else in your life?"
"I don't press myself up to people like a- a-" His Korean failing in him the heat of the moment, Lu Han breaks off and reverts to Chinese with a curse. "Fucking hell! Like a leech! Like fucking saran wrap! I bet Yixing could feel every part of you, all down his backside!"
Minseok's Chinese, far from fluent to begin with and rusty from months of disuse, isn't good enough to pick up more than the curse words and Yixing's name. Still, he gets the gist of it from Lu Han's arm flailing and livid expression, and anyway this isn't the first time Lu Han's gotten upset at him for playing with one of the others. It's kind of cute, actually.
He knows he shouldn't, knows it'll piss Lu Han off more, but he can't suppress the grin that spreads itself across his face. "Dude, chill out. I'm old enough to not get stage boners, alright." And then, because Lu Han's face isn't quite red enough, he adds, "I didn't know you were the jealous type, Luhannie."
"I'm not," Lu Han wails, looking like he's not sure who he's more upset with anymore, Minseok or himself. "I'm not jealous or possessive or anything! And I hate fighting!"
This time, Minseok can't suppress the snort of laughter that bubbles up. "Oh yeah, that's why you're all waving your arms around and yelling at me, huh."
"It's your fault," says Lu Han. "I only get upset like this because you make me." He stomps his foot against the ground like a petulant child before he can catch himself and then spins away, mortified. "I hate you."
Slinging an arm around Lu Han's shoulders, Minseok leans forward and twists his head up to look into Lu Han's averted face. "Aww, it's okay, I love you too," he says, and pecks Lu Han on the lips quickly before he can turn away again.
G, 118w, nao can = dumb/stupid/lit. "brain dead"
Minseok learns the word nao can from Tao, who tells him it means brotherly loyalty. "It describes the way Xiao Lu hyung feels about you," Tao tells him earnestly. Still, Minseok isn't the oldest of all twelve of them with his eyes closed, and he recognizes the look of impish mischief on Tao's face. He double checks with translator jiejie the first chance he gets, before he uses it on national television and embarrasses himself. When she enlightens him as to what it really means, he thanks her politely and promises obediently to not use it in public; but privately Minseok agrees with Tao that it really does describe Lu Han's mental state accurately.
G, 302w
Minseok invites Lu Han home with him one Christmas when they have too much work for Luhan to go all the way home to Beijing.
The whole long car trip out of the city, stuck in holiday traffic, Lu Han sits quieter than usual, with his hands folded neatly in his lap, a sure sign that he's feeling homesick. It makes Minseok feel a little bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. Normally he'd love it if Lu Han would keep his hands to himself a little more - Minseok's never been much of a skinship kinda guy - but Lu Han is only this quiet when he's upset and that wrenches at Minseok's heart. It feels like a tragedy to suppress any of the vividness that Lu Han has managed to hold on to all by himself through all the years.
So Minseok finds himself on the flip side of the usual situation, poking at Lu Han with his toes and blowing air down his neck and running tickling fingers down Lu Han's side. He cracks lame jokes and makes weird puns, and says things he would normally be terribly embarrassed over, but now doesn't mind because they make Lu Han first smile and then chuckle and then laugh out loud.
By the time they tumble out of the taxi onto the doorstep of Minseok's house, they're both flushed and bright-eyed with laughter. Minseok's mother rushes out to welcome them, wrapping Lu Han in a motherly embrace before she greets her own son. Minseok whispers a grateful thank you in her ear when she reaches over to hug him in turn, and reaches out for Lu Han's hand even before he steps out of her arms, determined to create for Lu Han a home away from home this winter.
G, 153w
Lu Han gives himself to Minseok until there's nothing left to give, running on tick, borrowing bits of himself from the rest of his life. He can't keep it up forever but he doesn't know any other way besides blind persistence to convince Minseok that he's serious about this. He can't blame Minseok; it's his own fault for not knowing his mind before, for needing to burn through a dozen hearts in as many months.
Minseok knows he can be too cautious, too steady and conservative, but when he looks at them all, dazzling in the spotlight, he can't help but be frightened. Lu Han can't be serious - not about Minseok - when he could have any of the others at the snap of a finger. (Minseok used to practice and practice, but he could never get his fingers to snap loud and crisp like the rest of the boys.)
G, 398w
They have a code. They use it when they speak of each other, when the words they speak into microphones and recording devices don't mean nearly as much as the secrets they keep close to their hearts.
It's not much of a code, as far as these things go. There's no secret gestures, no password or key that needs to be worked out. It's just a mirrored movement - Lu Han pretending to fly and Minseok flapping after him, or Minseok sitting with one leg up and Lu Han following suit - and soft, understated comments about each other.
When Lu Han says "we're the same age so it's easy to get along," what he really means is that Minseok's the only one who's older than him, even if it's by not quite a month, and therefore the only one he'll lean on. "We're comfortable with each other," he says, and means Minseok's the only one Lu Han will show his tears to, the only one allowed to see him at his weakest moments.
Minseok explains to one interviewer that "in my off time I like to play soccer with Lu Han" and means that hanging out with Lu Han is what refreshes him after days crammed with stress and bewilderment and fatigue. He repeats it again at another interview to another reporter, and this time he means that he could spend every minute of every day with Lu Han and still want to be with him more.
Lu Han tells a fan that if he were stuck on a deserted island, he'd want to be stuck with Minseok, and really means that he'd like a world in which he could be alone with Minseok, just the two of them. (Minseok doesn't even know about this until days later, when Tao shows him fan comments on Weibo, but he remembers the way Lu Han had looked at him across a line of other members and smiled his own smile back at him, and Minseok understands.)
"Lu Han is precious to me." Minseok doesn't even smile at Lu Han when he says it, but the affirmation is in his eyes anyway that Lu Han is everything to him.
Their code isn't so much a code as heart talking to heart, and their secret isn't so much a secret as love that overflows into their every action and every word.
R, 280w, sasaeng Luhan AU
Lu Han spends his Saturday mornings looking at concert pictures while hiding under his covers. He imagines the things he'd be able to do onstage if he were in the same group as Xiumin, like hug him from behind or put his arm around Xiumin's shoulders as they run out on the platform or wipe Xiumin's sweat for him with a merchandise towel. And then his mind wanders to what would happen afterwards - would they have to shower together backstage since there are so many people?
He gets hard just thinking about it, doesn't even get to the point of imagining Xiumin in the showers before he's rocking his hips against his mattress. Lu Han tries to stop but the fansites keep updating, the pictures keep coming, and god there are photos of Xiumin ripping his jacket open, Xiumin biting his lips with sweat in his eyes. The photos meld in his mind with how he imagines Xiumin might look underneath himself, and it's too much. Lu Han comes without even touching himself, closing his eyes so the image stays in his head a little longer as he rides out his orgasm.
He groans as he rolls over a moment later, loose-limbed and a little embarrassed. He'll have to do his laundry again, and quickly, before his roommate gets back. He can't let Yixing know it happened again.
(Yixing comes home and the first thing he says to Lu Han is "oh my fucking god, Lu Han we just bought a giant pack of tissues two weeks ago, I refuse to pay for more" and Lu Han offers, tentatively, "I'll get the tissues if you cover the laundry detergent?")