Fujigaya topping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ I LOVE YOU! ♥
it's considerably short and looks odd at first when you look at the single paragraph but when I started reading it all made sense. the stream of consciousness would have been broken if you had inserted breaks I think. this way allows for the picture, the scene, to appear in the minds of the readers. no breaks allowed me to focus on that scene, to create the picture in my mind without jumping from one thing to the next, from taking a break and having parts of the picture vanish from my mind again.
added to that, there's fujigaya's perspective. his thoughts and feelings - most importantly and most notably, his confusion.
I really liked:
The scent of Kitayama's cologne, musky and classic, mixed with Fujigaya's own lighter, floral-based ditto, seemed to fill the room to the brim. Kitayama's skin, warm and still a bit sweat-damp, made Fujigaya feel raw and overheated wherever their touch overlapped. It was all coming together to make Fujigaya feel a little overwhelmed - his senses still tingling in afterglow, his mind still reeling in its attempt to understand just what had happened between the two of them.
the atmosphere created by this and everything and *waaaaah*
really awesome how you could pack something so intense into just one paragraph! o.o *admires*
the unsolved/unanswered questions make me want more. :X ♥
lolol Kiraraaa your comment practically is longer than the fic again XDDD;
But I really am super happy the one paragraph came across the way I wanted it to, since yes it was supposed to be, like, building up all the scenes/emotions on top of one another without letting up. (...I was rather afraid it'd just look pretentious or something :x)
Pretentious likeee... I see a lot of fic (not necessarily in JE fandom) that's formatted ~stylistically~ but without any actual point or impact on the story itself, which I personally dislike and find pretentious. ... So mostly I'm just being paranoid and critical. XD;
I LOVE YOU! ♥
it's considerably short and looks odd at first when you look at the single paragraph but when I started reading it all made sense. the stream of consciousness would have been broken if you had inserted breaks I think. this way allows for the picture, the scene, to appear in the minds of the readers. no breaks allowed me to focus on that scene, to create the picture in my mind without jumping from one thing to the next, from taking a break and having parts of the picture vanish from my mind again.
added to that, there's fujigaya's perspective. his thoughts and feelings - most importantly and most notably, his confusion.
I really liked:
The scent of Kitayama's cologne, musky and classic, mixed with Fujigaya's own lighter, floral-based ditto, seemed to fill the room to the brim. Kitayama's skin, warm and still a bit sweat-damp, made Fujigaya feel raw and overheated wherever their touch overlapped. It was all coming together to make Fujigaya feel a little overwhelmed - his senses still tingling in afterglow, his mind still reeling in its attempt to understand just what had happened between the two of them.
the atmosphere created by this and everything and *waaaaah*
really awesome how you could pack something so intense into just one paragraph! o.o *admires*
the unsolved/unanswered questions make me want more. :X ♥
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But I really am super happy the one paragraph came across the way I wanted it to, since yes it was supposed to be, like, building up all the scenes/emotions on top of one another without letting up. (...I was rather afraid it'd just look pretentious or something :x)
\o/ ♥ Thank you!
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I can only speak for myself but I think you succeeded \:D/ (pretentious? how? like "omg it's a huge blob of text"? o:)
♥
Also, this is random but the rope thing reminds me of the "Fortune Cookie Game" I play with my friends when we get Chinese food...
How to play: "Read out your fortune and add 'in bed with a rope' at the end."
My favorite fortune so far:
"Behind every man, there is an even better man, in bed with a rope"
My latest fortune in that game:
"Fortune favors the brave, in bed with a rope"
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